I just need a whinge

Bambini

Registered User
Sep 8, 2014
32
I just need to tell someone - I know we are all in similar situations some worse than others, but good grief this disease is hard work. My situation, only child, live with mum, I work from home, dad died 18 mths ago - that seem to kick off mums AZ. Its like treading on egg shells - one small word can kick off an almighty argument. Im always a nasty horrible person in her eyes when in actual fact I do absolutely everything for her. Love my mum to bits but somedays I just cant cope with the constant abuse, the constant depression. Ive lost my best friend and she doesn't seem to like me anymore. We see the GP next week but I cant tell him how things actually are, the not washing, not eating properly etc because if I did tell him my life wouldn't be worth living by the time I get home. There is no answer, I know that but just needed to get this off my chest. Not expecting any replies but lets hope we all have a hopeful weekend, thank you for reading x
 

loveahug

Registered User
Nov 28, 2012
1,071
Moved to Leicester
The most often used suggestion on here is to deliver a letter to the GP ahead of the appointment day giving them the whole picture of what is going on. Stress to the doctor that they must not divulge the existence of the information but that your mum will be in total denial and that your life with her is becoming intolerable.

You have all of our sympathy and admiration for your coping, but do not carry on trying to do it alone. You have not failed as a carer, dementia always wins in the end.

Hugs x
 

colincampsite

Registered User
Jun 4, 2011
33
Darlington
Words of wisdom from love a hug for you, Bambini. Take them in because for a few years I tried to carry on on my own and it wasn't until our daughter said, "Come and live with us", that I realised I needed some help. It was such a contrasting way of life and I suddenly found some time for myself. Don't be too proud to accept any help and get some time for yourself.
If this sounds too flippant then it is not meant that way.
Somewhere there is an answer for you, you just have to find it.
Keep looking and asking questions.
I found a lot of help through the local Alz. Soc and Age UK. But not from the obvious people, mainly from other carers I met at the various activities and meetings.
Here's a hug from me, hope it helps you. xx
 

Essie

Registered User
Feb 11, 2015
563
Sending hugs from me too Bambini, and to say I agree with loveahug, you must let the GP know the reality of the situation, if only from a medical point of view, maybe there are some better drugs that Mum could be prescribed that would help her (and therefore you) but if you tell the GP "no, everything's absolutely fine" then that's what they'll think and they'll assume that nothing needs to change and it does Bambini, you are not Superwoman, none of us are, we do our best but there are limits, we are people not robots, we need sleep, peace, relaxation, some quality of life and to get that you need help.

Take back control of this situation you find yourself in - it is hard but is doing nothing a better alternative? Start with telling the GP the truth.

Very best wishes Bambini, love and hugs, :) x
 

Bambini

Registered User
Sep 8, 2014
32
Thank you for your supportive comments. This Forum needs an award as it really is a lifeline. Total strangers can make you feel whole again - hugs gratefully received - and sent to you too. Thank you so much x
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,006
Scotland
Yes, you must write a letter to the GP and give it to the receptionist for him or directly to him. Your Mum will say everything is fine and nobody needs to do anything for her. You need to paint a true picture.

Believe me we have all been in this position and you will get nowhere unless you let them know what is going on, behaviour, moods, sleep patterns etc.
 

Blackfield

Registered User
Mar 8, 2015
21
Personally I can't see how anyone can cope on their own in this situation. I help mum with dad's care and although I see them every day for at least3 hours it is still incredibly hard for her to manage. We have now made the decision to place him in a CH as mum has no life at all. The constant accusations, bad moods, wanderings, etc are making her ill. Try and get some respite if you can afford to do this. Your mum won't like it but she has no idea how her behaviour is affecting you. Once you are away from the situation you will be able to think more rationally.
 

mancmum

Registered User
Feb 6, 2012
399
Make sure during conversation with GP that mum says it is OK for GP to talk to you

Hopefully if they make a note of this it would make future consultations easier. My Dad signed a letter giving permission to share information.
 

Bambini

Registered User
Sep 8, 2014
32
Luckily mum did give permission to GP to share info when she was first diagnosed. I have written the letter to them after all your advice. Here's hoping the GP actually reads it! Thank you all once again.


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