I haven't seen Mum in 2 weeks

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Canadian Joanne, Mar 14, 2008.

  1. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    First there was an enteric outbreak, with plenty of vomiting & diarrhea. The home said people could visit but on a restricted basis. I wasn't too keen & decided to wait a couple of days for things to clear up. Then both my husband & I started coughing. I don't go in when I'm the least bit ill - that's a very vulnerable population in there.

    I started feeling fine but my eye got infected. My husband is still coughing a fine, chesty, phlegmy terminal TB-ward type of cough. I'm thinking of raising the life insurance on him.

    Yesterday I was told that there were two confirmed cases of influenza. Today I was told my mother was the only one in her unit who wasn't sick. When it's full, there are 32 people to a unit. The staff must be going flat out.

    My uncle in Montreal died last Friday so we're flying there tomorrow for the funeral. My poor aunt is devastated - first her brother (my dad) in December and now her husband.

    With all this, it's gnawing away at me that I haven't seen my mother. I'm friends with a couple of other women who have their mothers in the same unit so we've been phoning back & forth. Still, I would really like to see her but now I don't know how long it will take before it's safe to go in again.

    Since I normally see her 2 to 3 times a week, it's quite disconcerting for me. Oh well, I must just wait.
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Joanne,
    I am so sorry to read about the loss of your Uncle.

    Two weeks without seeing your Mum must be so hard specially when you visit so regular.

    Do hope all bugs and colds clear up soon.

    Best wishes
  3. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Joanne,

    Sorry to hear your Uncle passed away, Sincere Sympathy.

    I do feel for you concerning your mum it is pleasing though that your mum has escaped the illness.

    It's wise to stay away when there are bugs about, it's a pity they now have cases of influenza many residents immune system will already be compromised....another reason it would be better for you to stay away just in case you pick something up. Hard I know...

    Safe Trip, Love Taffy.
  4. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    Those are wise words from Taffy. You should get in to see your mum only when you feel properly up to it. You gotta look after yourself, ( and spare the residents a visitation of more mini-plague). My mum too has a sainted resilience, it seems , to most of the bugs that fly around her home. When others are coughing up a Niagara of gunge, sneezing and snorting and generally presenting revolting spectacles, my mum has, perhaps a small drip on the end of her dainty nose.

    I'm very sorry about your uncle, that must be hard for you and your family so soon after your dad. Keep in touch with those other relatives connected to your mum's home, that is enough of the daughterly duty bit until you feel properly better. Love Deborah.
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Joanne,

    It`s so strange, even though we know there is a really valid reason not to visit, we are riddled with guilt in case our relatives don`t know also, and think they have been abandoned.

    Don`t worry about it too much Joanne. We used to visit my grandmother every Sunday without fail and every Sunday she would say, `Where have you been, I haven`t seen you for weeks.`

    I`m so sorry about your uncle. Two funerals in the space of three months is more than anyone needs.

    I hope both you are your husband soon feel much better and you`ll finally be able to visit your mother.

    Take care

    Love xx
  6. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    HI Joanne

    I know how you feel. Mum's NH had the same problem earlier this year.

    At first it was great. I felt a weight of my shoulders as I didn't have to put myself in the car for the 60 mile round trip but by the end of two weeks I was getting jittery as I hadn't seen her and was dreading something happening.

    Take time to recover. You owe it to yourself. If you've been ill you don't want to pick up anything else. These are circumstances outwith your control that you can do nothing about. I asked the staff to let me know if Mum got ill on the agreement that I could visit then.

    But you really don't want to take a nice new lot of bugs home!

    I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle. It must be so devastating so soon. I hope that your trip is as good as it can be in the circumstances.
    Thinking of you

  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I can only imagine what it like to not visit your mother .

    Only happen to me when mum was only in emergency respite for 8 weeks , and I know that if I just took 2 day of from visiting every day It would play on my mind all day, that I never gave myself peace of mind to I went in to see her :rolleyes:

    but I hope you can find some peace of mind , knowing that your mother safe , has been very lucky not to have got the bug or any infection that going around .

    Sorry to read about your uncle passing away . wishing you a safe joinery tomorrow
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Joanne

    What a bad time your family have had over the last few months. Two bereavements, umpteen bugs, and a whole lot of stress.

    I'm sure your mum will be fine, and won't realise how long it has been. Don't feel guilty, you're doing all the right things.

    Sincere condolences to your aunt, who must be feeling devastated. It's not going to be an easy trip for you.

    I hope you and your husband are soon feeling better.

  9. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Thanks, everybody. Yes, I'm sure Mum will be fine. She is still remarkably strong and she's only 71 so that's in her favour. I will just wait until I can go back in.

    At this stage, visiting is for me, not my mother. She may recognize my face as being vaguely familiar but that's it. She is so far into the disease that it doesn't matter to her anymore. So I shouldn't feel badly as she really doesn't know. She has no sense of time but does seem reasonably content. That's all I can ask for.

    But that blasted Guilt Monster! Actually, I don't feel guilty so much as uneasy. It's time slipping away that I won't get back with Mum.

    I'll hang in there. No choice. But, my father's favourite saying, "Life is good".

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