1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    I hate Alzheimer's because, many years ago, it barged its way into my dear wife's life and began the ruthless, agonisingly slow process of squeezing the life force out of her.

    I hate Alzheimer's because, not only did it take away the pen with which she could write new memories but, with cold-blooded efficiency, it also began the process of erasing the memories she had already written.

    I hate Alzheimer's because, even as our two sons and I hugged each other, sobbing at Brenda's bedside after she had passed away, it brazenly stood there, hands held aloft saying "Don't blame me! It wasn't me that killed her - it was the pneumonia or heart problems or loss of swallow-reflex" and yet it was the Alzheimer's as surely as any drug-pusher or illegal gun-supplier is responsible. It may not have pulled the trigger but it certainly provided the weapon.

    I hate Alzheimer's because, if I had bought a punchbag on which to take out my frustration over the many years of Brenda's decline and even if I had knocked seven bells out of it at regular intervals and even if I had kicked and clawed and battered it again and again and again, today it would still look as unscathed and unbothered as the day I bought it. Alzheimer's would have simply shrugged it off with a cocky "Is that all you've got?"

    But, you know, Alzheimer's, we are going to get you. Every penny we raise, every test we do, every trial we endure, every hopeful lead we see falter and fail takes us one day nearer to making you a hideous nightmare of the past and you will no longer cast that awful shadow over mankind. I truly believe that with all my heart and we will get you.

    I promise.
  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Laurence, I am so sorry for your loss, and like many on this forum and elsewhere, I share your anger.
    If strength of love, devotion, and finally loss, were enough, these diseases would have been beaten by now.
    I join you in willing a cure, society must not give up.
    Please look after yourself, allow the grief, but try not to hurt yourself with the anger.
  3. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    Hi Laurence,

    I admire your eloquent post and share your anger.

    I note that David Cameron has pledged government 3 million + money today for research. I'm angry that this has taken so long and I'm cynical because of the up coming election. I'm also angry because of the toil this has on carers and the lack of support given.

    Take care and please consider seeing your GP for bereavement counselling.
  4. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    Thanks Sleepless and Adcat - I appreciate it.
  5. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    In my thoughts. Your words express so much. Feel your pain.:(
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    How I agree with you,so, so much. May I copy it to use as and when, names changed of course
  7. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    near Folkestone
    I think what you have written touches us all as we know and understand and share your anger! I am so sorry for the passing of your lovely Brenda x

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  8. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Laurence-I read your post this morning but it touched me so much it's taken til now for me to respond.I really can't find the words to express how much I agree with you. Dementia is a truly hideous,unrelenting disease and, whether it forges ahead quickly or slowly,it seeps into the very being of the sufferer and carer alike.

    I totally understand your anger; I'm angry. I don't like feeling anger but I sometimes think that Alzheimer's is still having a laugh at me;my dear, darling Husband was taken December just gone, he was just 68.I'm glad that Pete is no longer suffering but I scream inside 'why him'. Maybe I should think 'why not him?'. Pete was fairly young, and there are Carers on this Forum who are looking after people in their 40's/50's. I don't even want to focus on sufferer's even younger-but they exist.

    So I applaud your promise. It will happen one day. It has to happen to stop the river of tears shed by brokenhearted spouses, sons, daughters and grandchildren.

    I'm so sorry that Brenda has passed, and I'm sorry for the hurt you and your sons must feel-but let's hope that in our lifetime Alzheimer's gets what it deserves-a thorough thumping.

    Take care of yourself

    Lyn T X
  9. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    Thanks Spamar - of course. Share by all means.
  10. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    Thanks Lyn-T you are so right.
  11. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    Thanks chick1962 - I appreciate your kind words.
  12. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    Thanks Tears Falling
  13. Anongirl

    Anongirl Registered User

    Aug 8, 2012
    Laurence I couldn't have expressed it better x

    I watch my mum being eaten away by this nightmare disease and all I can hear in my brain is "dementia I hate you, you b*st**d"

  14. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    So sorry for the loss of your dear wife. Dementia may have destroyed Brenda's health and made you and your sons suffer so much watching her decline, but I am sure that a cure will be found before it can get either of your sons in it's clutches.

    Hope the painful memories will gradually fade and that you can remember the happy years you shared. Take care.
  15. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    A very memorable post Laurence. Thank you. I think you have expressed the anger in a very striking way. It's also great that you are still able to hang on to the hope that the disease will, one day, be beaten. I know some people who find this hope either impossible to entertain or no consolation whatsoever and I can understand that. But personally I share your belief and find that it does help me - a little.
  16. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Laurence, beautifully written and expresses what I feel perfectly. I also wish to bring this to my support group, with your permission.

    I am so sorry about your loss of Brenda. Please accept my condolences for you and your boys.
  17. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    Laurence - how I echo everything you have written. Not a day goes by since my Husband died when I do not curse the dreaded dementia for stealing our last precious years together but we can't change anything so just have to try to move slowly forward without our loved ones. Thinking of you and your family WIFE
  18. molly11

    molly11 Registered User

    Jan 24, 2011
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    your words touched me, I think they echo how many of us feel.
    I miss my Dad and the cruel way he was taken, everyday.
    Would you mind if I also shared your words please?

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  19. roseg

    roseg Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    I agree with you laurence. Well said. I buried my 55 year old mother last week due to this horrible disease. I watched my poor mum go without food for six whole weeks and no fluids for two weeks. I will never get my mummys last breaths from my mind it haunts me. I need my mummy still so much i have had another baby eight months ago and he will never knoe ehat a beautful person his gran was.i will never get over this but when im feeling better i will try to raise some money so this madness gets sorted. My mummy now my angel i live you more than words can say im sorry i couldnt save you i tried my best xxxx
  20. Laurence

    Laurence Registered User

    Jul 3, 2010
    #20 Laurence, Mar 10, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2015
    Thank you everyone for your compassionate words. Please feel free to share it with anyone you feel it might help. I really appreciate all your comments

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

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