I frightened myself tonight because for a moment I really wanted to kill my Mum.

[alwaysfretting]

I struggled with my mums sundowning for ages until someone told me about this aspect of the illness. Knowing has helped me to cope. It's often a time of day when we're left to cope alone which doesn't help. I agree with posters who have said maybe the gp or memory clinic could prescribe something for the agitation. I introduced mum to colouring books and it's been amazingly calming for her.we do it together whenever things need calming down.

 

[Suzanna1969]

I struggled with my mums sundowning for ages until someone told me about this aspect of the illness. Knowing has helped me to cope. It's often a time of day when we're left to cope alone which doesn't help. I agree with posters who have said maybe the gp or memory clinic could prescribe something for the agitation. I introduced mum to colouring books and it's been amazingly calming for her.we do it together whenever things need calming down.

My Mum's GP did a home visit yesterday to look at her feet (very bad fungal infection caused mainly by her not showering ) and I mentioned the sundowning. GP didn't know what I was talking about!

Admittedly I'd never heard of it before I joined TP but I'm not a chuffin' GP!

Luckily when we visited the Memory Clinic for her 6 month appointment on Tuesday the Dementia Practitioner DID know what I was talking about, obviously, and is looking into new meds which might help.

I have not found the GP to be helpful at all. Sympathetic in a way (when I tell her the challenges I face she tips her head to the side and goes 'ah') but how does that help people like us? It's no wonder we get so frustrated and have dark feelings from time to time.

 

[JulieP]

Hi everyone. I'm writing this upstairs in my bedroom while my Mum is sobbing and ranting and raving on the sofa downstairs. I know I should be down there with her in case she gets up and falls but, to be honest, I'm terrified that if I go near her I might kill her.

For weeks now EVERY evening follows the same pattern, my mum spending at least two hours sobbing and ranting incoherently about some imaginary issue or sometimes she doesn't even know what she's upset about. And nothing, absolutely nothing, I do helps. Usually I can ride it out but tonight something in me snapped and I became furious and for a moment I genuinely wanted to kill her. So I ran out of the room to get away from the situation. So here I am part terrified and part ashamed but mostly worried that one day I will do something terrible.

Not sure there is an answer but you lovely people have been so helpful to me in the past that I thought I would just see what you think. Even one of you confirming that I'm behaving abnormally woukd at least give me some useful info!

I'm a single woman and an only child and have been caring for my Mum at home. She has been in the advanced stage of dementia for nearly two years now.

Hello KittyAnn, I agree with what everyone else has said, you did exactly the right thing to remove yourself from the situation but you should not blame yourself for feeling like that when the stress and pressure have been building up relentlessly over a long time. You need to arrange regular breaks for yourself somehow. Does your Mum go to Day Care? Perhaps it is something you could look into. My Mum is still her normal loving self but has no memory and no balance, thanks to AD, so she is totally dependent on me so the few hours she is at Day Care are a welcome break for us both.
I hope your GP or Social Worker can find a way to give you some respite quickly.

 

[Van Nimwegen]

I had those feelings quite a lot in the last few weeks of looking after mum. That's when I knew I had come to the end of my tether. You can only do so much. Personally I feel when you get to that point, it may just be time for someone else to take over. Hugs.

Hi everyone. I'm writing this upstairs in my bedroom while my Mum is sobbing and ranting and raving on the sofa downstairs. I know I should be down there with her in case she gets up and falls but, to be honest, I'm terrified that if I go near her I might kill her.

For weeks now EVERY evening follows the same pattern, my mum spending at least two hours sobbing and ranting incoherently about some imaginary issue or sometimes she doesn't even know what she's upset about. And nothing, absolutely nothing, I do helps. Usually I can ride it out but tonight something in me snapped and I became furious and for a moment I genuinely wanted to kill her. So I ran out of the room to get away from the situation. So here I am part terrified and part ashamed but mostly worried that one day I will do something terrible.

Not sure there is an answer but you lovely people have been so helpful to me in the past that I thought I would just see what you think. Even one of you confirming that I'm behaving abnormally woukd at least give me some useful info!

I'm a single woman and an only child and have been caring for my Mum at home. She has been in the advanced stage of dementia for nearly two years now.