• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

I feel so sad...

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
My Husband is in a Care/Nursing Home and I have arranged to have some work done on our bungalow, its needed doing for a long time but he wouldn't let anyone into our Bungalow to do it despite him agreeing that the work needed doing saying it was his job. All our married life 48 years he has been the one to do anything in the house and was excellent DIY.

I have enlisted various help etc but - I feel so sad as I know how upset he would be if he knew what I was doing.

As if it wasn't bad enough that he is not enjoying his life not being here but I have so mixed up emotions over this.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,808
England
I know exactly how you feel. We have lived in the same house for 49 years and it bears no resemblance to the house we bought brand new those 49 years ago. My husband was great at DIY, there was nothing he could not do and was a perfectionist.

During the 7 years he was at home living with dementia he lost all his abilities but like your husband believed he could still do everything and no one was going to come into the house. Consequently when he went into his nursing home I had builders, plumbers and electricians in to put our house back together. Garden walls had to be knocked down and rebuilt, repointing needed doing, the list went on. I too know how upset he would have been to know I had workmen in but how much sadder would he have been if I had let it go any further. He worked hard on the house and it was only right that I looked after what he had created.

I too feel sad that as the garden is coming to life he is not here to sit in the sun and see it all. I have a list of jobs now that need attending to and once again I am looking for a plumber to look at the downstairs loo and a roofer to repair the roof where the high winds lifted a couple of tiles. It never ends.

Take care
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
Hello silver lining my hubby was a builder, we renovated 8 houses, he could do everything, now he can not do anything, l feel so sad that this is how he is now. Life is so cruel know how you feel.
 

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
My Husband is in a Care/Nursing Home and I have arranged to have some work done on our bungalow, its needed doing for a long time but he wouldn't let anyone into our Bungalow to do it despite him agreeing that the work needed doing saying it was his job. All our married life 48 years he has been the one to do anything in the house and was excellent DIY.

I have enlisted various help etc but - I feel so sad as I know how upset he would be if he knew what I was doing.

As if it wasn't bad enough that he is not enjoying his life not being here but I have so mixed up emotions over this.

Thank you everyone for responding, only just back on-line tonight so have only just viewed your comments SL
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
Norfolk
I've got oodles to do in this place. Hope I can finish it all. So hard when you're trying to care for your loved one as well.

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
That rings a bell Silver Lining - my husband too would not let me have anyone here to put things right as he still believed "when he had time" he would get around to doing the jobs himself. Sadly it never happened but somehow I could not get started until after he died in January and now face extensive repair work to roof, chimney, ceilings, electrics, plumbing and so on before I can put the house up for sale. I am tackling the jungle but even that is almost too much for me these days. Don't feel too upset - your home has to be in good heart even if you are not. Loving thoughts WIFE
 

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
That rings a bell Silver Lining - my husband too would not let me have anyone here to put things right as he still believed "when he had time" he would get around to doing the jobs himself. Sadly it never happened but somehow I could not get started until after he died in January and now face extensive repair work to roof, chimney, ceilings, electrics, plumbing and so on before I can put the house up for sale. I am tackling the jungle but even that is almost too much for me these days. Don't feel too upset - your home has to be in good heart even if you are not. Loving thoughts WIFE[/QUOTE

Well the decorators have been and did a good job, find myself inspecting every detail as my OH took so much care but took a long time. They have done the work in a week so I guess the biggest thing I am trying to accept is that is that it will never be as perfect as it once was. SL
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
113,543
Messages
1,661,920
Members
64,610
Latest member
Gini