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I feel so sad

Delmax

New member
Jan 31, 2020
2
3 years ago I moved my dad closer to me as he was lonely. Once I was seeing him daily I noticed his memory was not as good as it should be even though he was 79. We had tests and he was diagnosed with vascular dementia, over the last few years he’s managed quite well living on his own with my care he would repeat stuff a lot but nothing too bad. since Xmas hes deteriorated so much that I’ve moved him into sheltered housing with care. he’s forgotten how to use the tv remote, says he doesn’t know if it’s morning or afternoon, only knows he’s eaten (they do a hot meal at lunch) because he’s full, today I felt so sad after talking to him for a few hours, I mentioned mum who died 20 years ago and he looked at me with tears in his eyes “I can’t remember her name or what she looked like I just know she was small” he said, it was so hard seeing him in this confused but aware state he described it like his brain was slowly dying . I mentioned other relatives including his sister he looked at me and said I have a sister? She passed away 4 years ago but he remembers nothing, this has all gone in a matter of weeks....is this normal will he keep deteriorating at this speed, i don’t know how to deal with it, sometimes I laugh other times I just want to cry, I find it so exhausting trying to be patient showing him the same things every day, he looks like a lost child and I feel so helpless
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,571
N Ireland
Hello @Delmax you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Delmax

New member
Jan 31, 2020
2
I should have mentioned that if you read the Factsheet on vascular dementia you will see that it often has a 'stepped' progression with big dips followed by a level state for a while before the next dip

Just click the 2nd line of the following link to read it
What is vascular dementia? (402)
PDF printable version
Thank you for all the info it’s really appreciated, dads dr suggested I come on here. I have full power of attorney and I was aware it goes in stages and I’m guessing he’s onto the next stage I just hope me moving him won’t escalate it. He is waiting to be allocated a social worker but at present he says he doesn’t need help. I will check out the links you have given thank you
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,998
Bristol
Thank you for all the info it’s really appreciated, dads dr suggested I come on here. I have full power of attorney and I was aware it goes in stages and I’m guessing he’s onto the next stage I just hope me moving him won’t escalate it. He is waiting to be allocated a social worker but at present he says he doesn’t need help. I will check out the links you have given thank you
Welcome to the forum from me too, Delmax. You say your dad doesn't need help, but these needs assessments can take months and things may change in that time. I don't know if Pete mentioned it, or if you have asked for it, but you are entitled to a carers assessment too. I'm not surprised you are mentally and emotionally tired by everything, it can be so sad watching someone you care about deteriorating so fast.
Look after yourself and if it helps to find carers support groups as well as the support you will find here, and memory cafes for you and your dad to enjoy, then I would recommend looking for those.