I feel so numb

[Louhelp1234]

Really sorry to intrude I'm a total newbie to this group but I couldn't read your post and not comment. Already you have been an amazing support to me giving both emotional and practical support. For that I am truly grateful.

I really doubt you realise just how special you are. Not only are you grieving for your mum you are looking after your oh.
Getting on with day to day life. And being a fantastic support to so many members of this group.
Every one has off days and sad days it's all part of the grieving process I'm told. You aren't a robot you're forced to have bad days. Regardless of that don't ever forget what a strong person you are, and how far you've come and how grateful people are that you have tried to help them with their own problems. Your mum will be looking down on you so proud of you.
Big hugs and lots of love.
Ps so sorry to intrude but couldn't ignore your post xxx

 

[canary]

Well it is 4 months on since I wrote my first post, but perhaps less has changed than I thought. Im still finding hard to sleep and concentrate and Im still writing my lists. OH has had no end of appointments and home visits since then - many of them in London, including an 8 day stay (I stayed with him), but I think they are petering out, so now the grief is beginning to seep in and small unexpected things are triggering it off.

Im so sorry to hear about your dad @villager - I have discovered how much of a shock it is, even when you are expecting it and however much you know that its the right time.

You are not intruding at all @Louhelp1234 and Im glad that anything that I have said has helped.

Thank you for your hugs and reassurances @Carmar

 

[Louhelp1234]

Well it is 4 months on since I wrote my first post, but perhaps less has changed than I thought. Im still finding hard to sleep and concentrate and Im still writing my lists. OH has had no end of appointments and home visits since then - many of them in London, including an 8 day stay (I stayed with him), but I think they are petering out, so now the grief is beginning to seep in and small unexpected things are triggering it off.

Im so sorry to hear about your dad @villager - I have discovered how much of a shock it is, even when you are expecting it and however much you know that its the right time.

You are not intruding at all @Louhelp1234 and Im glad that anything that I have said has helped.

Thank you for your hugs and reassurances @Carmar

Many thanks big hugs and lots of love xxx

 

[Ebury234]

Sorry to hop onto this thread, but one of the comments made me want to post: 'some things just go too deep for tears".

My Mum died three weeks ago and I feel bad because I've not cried much - that comment really helped so thank you.

 

[Amethyst59]

Sorry to hop onto this thread, but one of the comments made me want to post: 'some things just go too deep for tears".

My Mum died three weeks ago and I feel bad because I've not cried much - that comment really helped so thank you.

Ah, @Ebury234, there truly is no right or wrong way to grieve, it is a different experience for all of us. I can remember the chaplain at the hospice said, you cannot say so and so is doing well, or another person is not, it is what it is. Losing your mum is just horrible. For me it feels like a big, black hole that I don’t want to go too near. The raw pain does pass, but losing our mums does leave a huge gap in our lives. I really hope you will continue to read...and post yourself. I am sure you will find, as so many of us have, that this site is a wonderful source of information and support from people in the same position.

 

[canary]

Oh @Ebury234 I am so sorry (((((((((hugs))))))))
It is 10 months now since mum died and Im still finding it hard to grieve, but Im telling myself that it will happen in its own time.
At 3 weeks on you will have barely got over the funeral and all the things that have to be organised.
Be gentle with yourself - there is no right or wrong way.

 

[Ebury234]

Thank you Amethyst59 and canary for your kind words. I've been a 'lurker' on this site since Mum was officially diagnosed in 2012...

I immediately felt at peace, almost contented, when Mum died, if that doesn't sound strange; I knew that I, Dad and my sister had done everything we could for her, even way before the dementia, as she had been ill with many other things before that. We cared for her at home until last October, when she went into a nursing home, and that gave us chance to have quality time with her, instead of what I call the 'heavy duty, hands-on' caring. She knew who we were until the end and I get some comfort from that.

 

[canary]

Knowing that you did everything you could for her is a great source of comfort.
Yes, when mum died it was bittersweet. I was glad that she had been set free from the dementia, but I also underestimated how much of a shock it would be - even though I knew it was coming.

Im so glad that you had been able to have quality time with your mum and that she knew you up to the end. I was able to have quality time with my mum too and although she couldnt always remember my name and relationships were a bit tricky, she knew who I was IYSWIM