I feel so helpless

[libbieh]

Hi everyone,

I'm just after some advice for my Gran because I don't know what to do anymore. I used to care for my Gran who has dementia before I went away to university in September but since I left, the deterioration has been rapid, she now doesn't know who I am and her behaviour is quite challenging. My Grandpa is struggling to care for her but is so stubborn that he is refusing to have carers in because he says it is his duty to care for Gran which I totally understand but the situation isn't safe anymore. Gran has lots of falls because she wanders about when my Grandpa isn't watching her. There isn't any other family near by who are willing to help them and I now live 100 miles away and can't afford to keep going home to help and I just don't know what I can do. I'm going home for Christmas holidays next week but I'm just so scared that I'm not going to know how to help her anymore because she has deteriorated so much.
I just don't know what to do

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP Libbieh

It's scary when's there's a big dip in someone's health.
Could you suggest your grandpa gets a cleaner in how can also keep an eye on your gran?
You could try to have quiet word with her GP & explain to him what's happening & see if he can help.

 

[fizzie]

How lovely for them to have such a caring grand daughter xx
It might be helpful to suggest to you grandad that lots of people these days have a bit of help in the house and find it useful - just keep it low key. It is possible that he sees it as a criticism of him not coping and he doesn't want to be seen or thought of as 'weak' or 'not much help'. It might also help if you say that you are worrying about them all the time and that you would find it much easier to study if you knew that they were having a bit of extra help.

He really needs to claim attendance allowance for your grandma which is a non means tested benefit which everyone who needs some extra help. It is a long form and a bit off putting but you could possibly contact your local carers organisation who might well be able to give you lots of local information and help you with the process of filling in forms etc. Just explain to them what you have told us and you will get some help and advice
Take care, there is lots of support on here so keep in touch and keep posting xx