I feel so helpless.......

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Silver Lining, Feb 25, 2015.

  1. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    My OH has to go to hospital for a pre-preparation for a Colonoscopy, two days before the test. I cannot get a definite answer from anyone concerned at the hospital that I will be able to stay with him night and day.
    He left the hospital last year prior to this test because things were not arranged properly but no-one will take responsibility to say " Yes you can stay with him" For goodness sake it is going to make things easier for them, especially as he has been given a DoLS protection order as he went "walkabout" when left to his own devices in December and the police had to bring him back.!! and he has been in a care home since then, he is almost 69 and is very mobile

    It has even mentioned "hush hush" does he really need to have this procedure carried out.
    :mad::mad:
     
  2. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Don't be messed about. Just go. I've learned that if you don't make up your own mind, there'll usually be no one else to do it for you. Sounds cynical? No, not really. Just what I've lived through.

    You go, love, and don't feel bad about it. I take it you're doing the driving, or is he going with hospital transport? If that's what's happening, then the hospital car usually only takes patients; not their carers as well. At least, that's what happens in my area.
     
  3. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    #3 Silver Lining, Feb 25, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2015
    Fortunately I am allowed to go with my Husband otherwise he wouldn't go and would not be capable , I just cannot get over all "hype "about Alzheimers Disease, when it fails at the basic level like this, I am not asking for a bed just a armchair and a pillow!!!

    Good news now to report - I contacted my GP Surgery and they have sorted it out with the Bed Manager to make sure I can stay with him. Hope this information may help anyone else who experiences the distress this causes. SL
     
  4. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    You'd think you were asking for the moon! No, you go, mate. I'm glad you can. I don't know your situation like you do, and you know how your hubby will react to certain circumstances. Having you there can only help. Keep an even temper if you can! Wishing you all the luck in the world.
     
  5. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    I could write a book

    Thank you Chuggalug for your support, I could write a book on John's journey and yet I feel looking at others experiences our journey has barely begun! SL
     
  6. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,339
    Kent
    I've posted recently about my dad's 10 day stay in hospital, he went in via emergency and then had an op. Like your OH he would have tried to 'escape' and is very frightened on any procedure resisting strongly even having temperature taken. I, from the outset, made it clear (politely) that I would be staying with dad throughout, it wasn't a problem in fact it made things easier for them as I was monitoring dad for them! There was talk of getting a one to one carer for him so I could go home and rest but the carer was allocated to another dementia patient instead - ho hum! But tbh I had decided that from observing things like lack of dementia awareness for patients like dad, lack of common sense when talking to dad who clearly doesn't have mental capacity, asking him questions that without me there he would not be able to engage, short staffed etc etc....it was in dad's best interests that I stayed, it was only 10 days out of my life to keep him safe and looked after. He was in a nursing home for 7 months prior to this and has settled back in although I have to say the 10 days were very difficult trying to contain dad and assist but I wouldn't hesitate to do the same again. I have poa for health and welfare and I did wonder although it never cropped up, if with this the hospital have a duty to recognise an attorney should if they wish be allowed to stay?
     
  7. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Many people have written those books, and I've read quite a few of them. I wouldn't dare write mine! Too much cold, hard truth in it, methinks...

    Meanwhile, hope everything goes all right with you both. Do keep in touch with all of us who care about you, xx
     
  8. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Do you think a book based on the comedic side of dementia would sell? Just thinking of some of the antics my husband managed to get up to in the NH still can reduce me to tears of laughter - if you see what I mean. He had a trick of going round the rooms at night trying to get the occupant to have a drink from their beaker. If they were asleep and didn't respond or just refused he emptied the contents into the bed! The Carers thought it was hysterically funny. Why? Beats me.

    Sorry Silver Lining - tried a hijack of your thread - feel for you and your Dad and do hope that it all works out right for him and you. Just insist that you will be staying with him - be prepared to sleep in the bedside chair - take a blanket and cushion, thermos and something to eat and washbag. Its what I did on several occasions my husband was hospitalised from the NH and I was never turned away - especially once they realised he had severe dementia!
     
  9. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    My daughter and I have both POA all I wanted was a yes you can stay. If all this was going to be discussed in front of my Husband he would have literally" taken up his bed and walked"!! At least now I have a named person in the Bed allocation dept via my GP who said I wasn't to worry anymore !!!:):) Thank you for responding to my post SL

     
  10. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    I am at the hospital with him from Mon pm until Thursday am - I will post again when I return. I will probably need a "glass of wine" :):) Thank you SL
     
  11. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    Will do :):) Thank you SL
     
  12. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    I'll bet you will! Meanwhile, here's wishing you both a safe week. Hear from you towards next weekend, then? Much love, Jen, xx
     
  13. Feline

    Feline Registered User

    Oct 25, 2012
    164
    East Devon
    From your last paragraph
    I hope it is absolutely necessary for the colonoscopy, it will be quite an ordeal for someone with Alzheimers, even if you are with him. Presumably symptoms were severe enough to be referred. Is it worth asking the question again?
     
  14. Mrs C

    Mrs C Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    4
    scotland
    Johns Campaign

    please go to this page on Facebook or twitter it is a campaign started by Nikki Gerard whose dad was a Dr. this is a campaign for letting family stay with loved ones in hospital.
     
  15. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    Yes unfortunately it is necessary to determine the correct course of treatment because if his medical needs are met then hopefully other problems could be improved I am told.
     
  16. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I am so fed up reading of the endless battles that carers of those with AD have to face. The earnest promises made by Those On High, that umpteen zillions of £s will be made available to help the army of unpaid carers ...... and all you want is an armchair and pillow. :mad:

    I do hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and your husband.
     
  17. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
     
  18. Silver Lining

    Silver Lining Registered User

    Nov 20, 2013
    224
    Thank you I have visited the page on Facebook, added it to my Timeline. SL
     
  19. Bubsho

    Bubsho Registered User

    Oct 24, 2013
    20
    London
  20. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Hey Bubsho. Good to meet you here.

    Wouldn't it be awesome if a dvd was made of this; or if it could be posted to YouTube! Sorry, I suffer from YouTube gluttony, heh heh :D I'd certainly pay for a recorded copy and would love to see the play.
     

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