1. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Hi. I posted a few weeks ago about my mum. She is still in hospital....but getting worse by the minute after picking up (once again) when she first went in a month or so ago. She is finding it very hard to drink and eat...even though they have taken her off the drip. She is also incontinent.....and doesen't really know me at all. I know in my heart she is 'giving up' and I cant stand to watch this. I dont think she is in pain....and looks comfortable. Today I see the doctor and she told me there is nothing medically wrong with my mum....her heart, lungs etc are ok. She has no infection (at the minute) its just she is in the very last stages of dementia....and this is what happens. Does anyone else have experience or advice they can give me? Iam looking for a suitable nursing home for her....but it all seems a waste of time. The doctors are very busy....and when I come away I always remember loads of questions I didn 't ask. Iam so confused with it all. She can no longer sit on the chair and is bed ridden. How long can a person carry on like this for? She weighs about 5 stone. I know it is difficult for anyone else to 'guess' what is going to happen... but I really would appreciate some advice of what to expect...and even.....as she is 'medically sound' is there a possibility she might even improve. Any advice would be appreciated. Kind regards. PP xx
     
  2. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    hi

    I have just lost my mother in law in similar circumstances to yours. She was in a nursing home and on the 28.10 we visited and she was chatty in her own way and happy & smiling.

    On the wednesday i went again with my sister and although she has not been mobile for a few weeks the difference was dramatic, she seemed totally spaced out, could not speak and did not recognise our faces as she had the previous saturday. The staff had told us that she had not been eating following a chest infection a week or so before but they were feeding her and she was keeping food down and was on antibiotics. On the friday we got a call to say she had taken a turn for the worse and could not keep any food down and the rest is on my posting at peace at last. we had the same problem did not know if she was going to linger for weeks, she also had lost the ability to speak and was incontinent. Trouble is no one can tell you how long the dying process is, we were told by the manageress at the home that she had seen patients like this before but then got better.
    All you can do is continue with your plans you had before and see what happens, but do try spend lots of time with your mum as we thought we may have longer but mum in law died 2 hours after we left her.

    Jan
     
  3. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Re. Your mum in law

    Thanks Jan. I posted a private message to you this morning...as I read your post earlier and the sad news your mum in law passed away. I thought it was a similiar experience to mine...though I didn't see the doctor till after I posted to you this morning. You say your mum suffered with a chest infection....I guess its only going to be a matter of time before my mum 'catches' an infection being in the hospital and immobile. Once again my deepest sympathy for you and your family. God bless. Take care PP xx
     
  4. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Hi PP,
    so sorry you're feeling so upset, and understandably so. It's hard to watch and stand by and not know what will be next, how long it will be, if there'll be any improvement etc. It's a rollercoaster ride, isn't it. I'd echo Jan's advice - be there and take it one day at a time. You can't really do more than that. It's good that mum is comfortable and in no pain. If an infection occurs, it depends how strong your mum is to resist it and if she'll be put on antibiotics. When will an infection occur? No idea....it might happen, it might not happen. How long can she go on? No answer to that one either. And doctors will be reluctant to give an answer as well....Sorry I can't give any advice or answer your questions more precisely.

    I know these questions, I've been asking them myself for the past 4 or so months. My darling aunty finally managed to let go and passed away peacefully on Tuesday afternoon. She fought and rallied until pneumonia set in and we decided not to put her on antibiotics but make her comfortable and wait....

    Take care, PP, sending you strength and encouragement and best wishes to mum. All you can do is be there, hold her hand, talk to her and provide love and comfort and a feeling of safety and peace.

    Hugs,
    Tina
     
  5. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Thanks Tina. Your words are so true. All I can do is wait....the bit that baffles me is the fact that mum is 'medically ok'....how can she be? Sorry to hear you lost your auntie on Tues....my deepest sympathy for you and your family. Take care. PP xx
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya PP,
    My mum still manages to sort of sit in a chair (she has to have her legs raised, and at times she is almost bent double, pulling her legs up), but like your mum she is physically fit.
    No-one seems able to give us a timescale. I try not to think about it - I don't want her to die, but I don't want her to keep living as she is.
    This is not much help to you - just wanted you to know that you weren't alone in this situation.
    Love Helen
     
  7. daughter

    daughter Registered User

    Mar 16, 2005
    824
    I'm afraid I am less than useless posting on these kind of threads, burying my head, don't want to see it. I know Dad isn't far behind this stage (although, as you say Helen, no-one knows the timescale). It's his birthday tomorrow and apart from being bent over and hardly talking, he's still "medically sound". :confused:

    I just wanted to send {{hugs}} to you all. x
     
  8. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Hi all. It seems there is alot of 'medically fit' people out there...going through the same as my mum....isn't dementia and alz..such a cruel disease? I laid awake most of the night thinking back to when it was I noticed the first signs of mum with v.dementia (before her first fall) Thinking back....I was so ignorant to this disease....I didn;t know one person who had it...or anyone in the family. Now of course Ive learnt so much....and never would'v e dreamt my mum might have become ill with this illness. My mums mum was 86 when she died with stomache cancer (my mum is only 78 now) and I know by reading some of the posts alot of 'younger' people can get alzeimers. Its possibly true then that it doesn't necessarily run in families. Now Ive come to a new turning....my mum is not going to get better (I always hoped she might stay stable for a while) but know now its just a matter of time and 'when'. Thankyou for all your posts.
     
  9. thompsonsom

    thompsonsom Registered User

    Jul 4, 2004
    97
    halifax
    Hi

    You know its weird but reading the posts on TP shows you that we were and are all in the same boat, we too had never come across alzheimers before my mum in law started with it and we too missed the first signs, we are all so guilty of putting signs down as just old age.
    I do think though that once an alzheimers patient loses the ability to walk its a downhill slope as only a few weeks ago my mum in law was still able to walk around and seemed as if she would live forever but then she had a fall and from that day onward in september she remained imobile in a recliner chair and here we are 2 months later and she has gone.
    You don't know when the end will come and thats whats hard.

    My husband and I have really taken my mum in laws death badly and for me its been worse than my mums death 13 years ago and I couldnt understand why but then when we talked it over we realised we had gone through the process 3 times in just over 2 years, the 1st being when the alzheimers started and we moved her in with us, the 2nd when we had to make the decision to move her into the home and now this the 3rd time. Its physically and mentally draining.

    Well today is the funeral and I have to start getting ready, I feel physically sick at the thought of it as there has been a lot of bad feeling in the past with family members jealousy and I am just praying that for the love of their mum they will not after having a drink today and being angry with the greiving process start any trouble.
    I will post later and let you know how it all went.

    Bless you all
    Jani
     
  10. perfectpatience

    perfectpatience Registered User

    Oct 3, 2006
    64
    Essex
    Hi Jani. I will be thinking of you today. You are so right about each 'dementia' process...it is so mentally and physically draining. I feel like Iam in a bubble (except when I post to t/p) everyone I know outside this bubble including the other residents in my mums care home (who some have been there for years) still walk about with dementia and alzeimers....can still drink....or pick up a cup...I could go on and on....but my mums dementia has progressed so fast to others. Why does this happen? Enough of me. Special condolences to you Jani. Iam sure when you post next time you will say it all went as well as possibly could have been expected. I will say a prayer for you today. Take care. Love PP xx
     
  11. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Sending {{{HUGS}}}to all of you.
    Nell
     

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