1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Hi everyone

    I don`t know if anyone remembers me talking about Mums " so called " nuisance calls and how her repeated calls to me were really getting me down , well guess what they were genuine and I feel absolutely terrible to have doubted her and blamed her AD instead.

    When Danny ( my husband and some would say much better half .......he did at least give some credibility to the calls ) went to see Mum today she`d done 1471 so he called the number which was answered by a youth .

    Dan asked to speak to a made up person and on being told there was no one there of that name asked the name of the youth who answered would you believe his name was Danny to which my Danny ( I know its confusing ) told him that someone from that number had been making nuisance calls to his mum in law and that he was going to the police only to get an avalanche of abuse and the phone slammed down in what he descibed as a panicky way.

    I`ve been on to BT and got an immediate number change ...literally within minutes, and Danny has been to the police who were very understanding took a statement and said someone will come to the house to interview him and that they can get the address of the caller from BT and will follow it up ,so fingers crossed .

    My mum is delighted although reluctant to give her new number even to old friends ,some of whom she seems to have taken against , but at least she won`t be frightened anymore. I`ve also been on to the telephone preference line and the line that can block most silent calls so she shouldn`t be bothered in the future .

    But oh I feel so guilty if I`d taken her seriously instead of humouring her and dismissing it as all in her mind think how much anguish I could of saved her......hairshirt for me for a while I think ,but at least she didn`t know I was doubting her .

    I`ve certainly learnt my lesson and will try not to assume in future . I`m sorry to have rambled on especially when reading what I`ve written it seems as clear as mud !!

    Jeanie x
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    Dear jeannie, Try not to feel too bad, it`s a mistake anyone could make.

    When people are confused, we tend to think everything they do or say, especially if it`s a bit out of the ordinary, is through a confused mind.

    I have been really surprised at some of the things my husband`s said which have proved to have been true.

    The trouble is, you`ll now have to believe everything you mum says for now and evermore.

    Love xx
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Jeanie

    Don't feel guilty. So many people living on their own with AD complain about nuisance calls, nuisance neighbours, etc, I'm not surprised you were suspicious.

    You've got it sorted, and that's what's important.

    What's worrying is if this young man knows your mum has problems and was deliberately targetting her. It could of course have been completely random, but I'd make sure the police actually do pursue it.

    Well done you and your (possibly) better half!

    Love,
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Please to read , that you both sorted it out for your mother .

    yes I also agree , don't feel guilty .

    I do hope the police do investigate , to find out how this danny got your mother number in the first place to pick on your mother , was it mobile number or land line number that this person was ringing from ?
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,722
    Kent
    Sometimes stupid teenagers dial a random number, just because they have nothing better to do. A bit like knocking on doors and running away.

    Now with redial facilities it`s so easy to annoy someone repeatedly, if they find a vulnerable target.
     
  6. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Jeanie,

    No need to feel guilty. I'm just glad that you got things sorted out with BT so quickly. I assume your Mum's number is now ex-directory?

    I had a problem with nuisance calls some years ago and BT were very good. They gave me a new number free of charge provided I went ex-directory and warned me to give my number out sparingly. They told me that if it happened again they would put a trace on the number (this was some years ago and I guess technology has moved on) but that I would have to pay to change my number again.

    I hope your Mum (and you!) get some peace.

    Sue
     
  7. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Jeanie, well done to you and Danny. You have been able to set your mum's mind at rest now.

    Don't beat yourself up about it, you are only human. Take care now, love n'hugs
     
  8. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Thankyou for your responses ,

    Margarita it was a landline number.Also I asked Danny if the police didn`t follow it up would he just let it go and no he wouldn`t but he has faith in the police so we`ll see what happens.

    Sylvia you are so right and to the end of my days I will take everything my mum says as gospel !!!!

    Hi Hazel I do believe these have been random calls although I must confess when Danny told me he had phoned and then gone to the police my first thought was of retribution that if they got mums number out of the directory they would also have her address which is pretty scary and which of course I`ve not mentioned to her . I will probably have some sleepless nights but hey where would we be without something to worry about !!! Danny thinks I`m daft !

    Sandra my cpn came round tonight andwas really good I`ll post at greater length soon and also about a friend whose husband has dementia at 50 + but has probably been in decline for about15 years so sad but what a friend she`s turned out to be and how forgiving in the face of my desertion through lack of understanding . And yet in the face of all these failings I actually feel stronger and able to cope than I have in along time.

    Love Jeanie x x
     
  9. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Jeanie,
    don't be so hard on yourself, dear girl! We all fail. We all do things we wish later we hadn't done. We all feel guilty!! But it is most important to do what YOU have done - learn from our mistakes and go on to be stronger and better people. You go girl!! :)
     
  10. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Hi Jeannie,

    Just caught up with your posts. Don't feel guilty about this at all, AZ is a minefield, you can't be expected to know what's what all the time. I think the way you and Danny have dealt with this is admirable. I am disgusted that someone would even think to target the vulnerable like this - I do hope the police pursue this - and it will give you some peace of mind too no doubt.

    I'm pleased you are feeling a bit stronger and more able to cope. It sounds like your support network (friends and family) are exactly what you need, and you should use this to the max!

    I would be interested to find out how you get on with the police following up on the call.

    Take good care of you and yours.

    Alison
    x
     

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