I feel so guilty


Registered User
Apr 11, 2006
Beckenham Kent
I wrote a little while ago about how every time I go to see mum in her NH she cries and begs me to take her home and then accuses me of not loving her anymore.

I had some lovely replies and some suggestions as to how I could try and make things easier for us both. I have tried lying (which I hate doing) and telling her she can come home when she is better. It hasn't made the slightest difference to what she believes and at the moment I feel I cannot face the tears and accusations that I don't love or want her anymore.

I haven't been to see her since last Tuesday and I feel so guilty about that. I keep telling myself that it's not good for her to get so upset and it's better to stay away at the moment but if I am totally honest with myself its me that can't cope at the moment.

My brothers see her occasionally but its only me she gets so upset with and I sometimes feel that I am shouldering the burden of her illness alone.

Thank you for your support and for listening to me, I don't have anyone else to talk to about this and sometimes I feel overwhelmed with my thoughts and the guilt that I feel.

Love Sheila x


Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
Not alone

Dear Sheila

To be able to help your mum you need to be strong for her. If you feel you can't cope and staying away for a few days longer than you normally would helps, then so be it. I think everyone who posts on here is a slave to guilt at some time or another.

This is my first weekend home in 2 months. I've been seeing my mum every weekend. I think I was edging towards the brink of despair ! Today I walked into the garden, and even looking at the weeds :confused: and doing 'normal' things helped me see things in a different perspective. I felt calm and my old self. Not constantly on the look out for mum and the things she does.

Keep posting, and don't think you're shouldering your burden on your own. You have virtual friends here who understand how you feel.

Take care


Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
Hi Sheila

Its o.k. to feel that you can't cope at times.............and its o.k. to feel guilty..........we have all been there!............sometimes its just a case of taking a break, recharging your batteries and getting ready for the next fight (because every day is a fight!).

I always found it best to take things one day at a time............i still do, even though my fight with dementia is over, but you will find the strength to cope, no matter what comes your way...........however, there is no harm in taking a break for a while, or stepping back a little, as your health is just as important as your mums and she needs you to stay healthy and strong.

Good luck and best wishes
Love Alex x


Registered User
Aug 11, 2005
South-East London, UK
I agree that one day at a time is the only way. But that day becomes a week, then a month, then a year, and right now I don't know how long I can go on taking things "one day at a time". It's all very well saying "be strong" but increasingly lately all I feel is despair. I had a three day break in Spain earlier this month (the first "away" break for 18 months) and it was wonderful but it wasn't long enough to recharge my batteries fully. Right now, I feel completely overcome at the awfulness of it all. I have been caring for my husband for nearly eight years and I despair at the thought that it could go on for another eight or more. I know I will feel better in a day or two, but then I will feel desperate again and the whole cycle starts over. My nerves and my patience are at stretching point. I try, I really do but (sorry, self pity beginning to take over here).

Thank you for letting me let off steam.



Registered User
May 24, 2006
I guess your Mother is pretty much in a similar state to mine ........its truly awful to watch the shell of the person that was ........being totally unable to comprehend their situation or where they are or why they are there

Her consultant thinks its so good to say " we nearly lost her "

To have slipped away with pneumonia would have been so much kinder than the demented , confused shell thats left behind


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Bets,
Just wanted to send a <<<Hug>>>
Do you have a CPN or someone that you can talk to about your feelings?
Love Helen