I Feel So Guilty

Julie Graham

Registered User
Oct 1, 2005
My Dad was diagnosed with Alheimer's about three months ago and has progressively got worse. I am the youngest of six children (only girl) and living in Glasgow with my husband and two young daughters. My mum and dad and rest of family live in the north east of England. Mum called today to say Dad was having a bad episode, insulting her, accusing her of things that she has never done. Mum has high blood pressure and they are both 80, I can't get to see them as much as I want to and despite lots of support from my brothers I feel really guilty. I cannot get down to see them on a regular basis and I'm really worried about my mum.


Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
HI Julie,
Guilt comes with the territory. No matter how much you give, there is no such thing as enough. You have a young family and that is where your main focus should be. If you try to stretch yourself too thin, you will get sick yourself so first, be good to yourself. I know from reading other post that there is probably alot of support and help in your community. I hope you'll utilize everything available to you and keep on posting here. This forum is wonderful for support!
Take care,


Registered User
Jun 2, 2005
Los Angeles, USA
Debbie is right; however much you do it may never feel like enough, because it can't cure your dad or get rid of your mum's stress at dealing with his illness.

Even though you can't be there in person very often, maybe there are things you can do to help your mum long-distance. Moral support is obviously one, via phone calls and/or letters (does anyone but me write actual letters in this modern era ... maybe I am just showing my age :p ). You might be able to do things by telephone like looking into local services that could help your parents. If not now, maybe in the future you could help managing your parents' finances. (I entirely handle my parents' money, and that's something that can basically be done by mail.) Specifics will of course depend on your situation and the family dynamics, but I'm sure your mum values whatever support you can provide from where you are.

Hang in there, and let us know how it goes.



Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
you say Dad has been diagnosed Alzheimer's.
You don't say if Mom and Dad are getting any help,first port of call really is their GP,he/she can contact Social services and start the ball rolling.
Has Dad got a consultant? If so he can also help with his team which includes a community psychiatric nurse.
Have a look at this fact sheet
Don't blame yourself,you need help as well
Come back and tell us how you get on.
Best Wishes


Registered User
Mar 23, 2005
Hi Julie,

Welcome to Talking Point.

I would just like to echo what Norman said about using the GP and Social Services to get your mum and dad some more support.

We are also some distance (90 minute drive) from my husband's parents (his dad has AD) so we are only really able to visit at weekends. In our case, getting a Social Worker from the Older Person's team was key. My mother-in-law was a bit reluctant to accept outside help at first, but now she finds having carers come in for two afternoons a week to be of real benefit - both to her and my father-in-law.

You, or your mother, might also want to ring the Alzheimer's Society Helpline on 0845 300 0336 for more details of services in their area. Full details are here:

Alzheimer's Society Helpline

Take care and keep posting,



Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi Julie, don't let the guilt monster in, keep in regular contact, be there on the phone etc. Support comes in all sorts of guises. The suggestions offered are the right way to go. Love She. XX