I feel so guilty

Chocs

New member
Aug 14, 2019
5
Today I have had to call Social Services for help. A decision I didn't make lightly. My father cannot cope with mums behaviour, I'm being told what to do by well meaning relatives who haven't got a clue. My brothers are happy to let me crack on with it. Why do I feel so guilty for making the phone call?
 

Trekker

Registered User
Jun 18, 2019
157
London
Today I have had to call Social Services for help. A decision I didn't make lightly. My father cannot cope with mums behaviour, I'm being told what to do by well meaning relatives who haven't got a clue. My brothers are happy to let me crack on with it. Why do I feel so guilty for making the phone call?
Guilt is part and parcel of caring for a PWD, I’m afraid, and I am so sorry you are having to experience it. We feel guilty not because we are doing anything wrong but because we care enough to want to do more than we, as human beings, can take, and because we want to make things better, when even making things okay is often not possible, with dementia. Please try to be kind to yourself, you are doing what needs to be done and that takes courage x
 

Chocs

New member
Aug 14, 2019
5
Guilt is part and parcel of caring for a PWD, I’m afraid, and I am so sorry you are having to experience it. We feel guilty not because we are doing anything wrong but because we care enough to want to do more than we, as human beings, can take, and because we want to make things better, when even making things okay is often not possible, with dementia. Please try to be kind to yourself, you are doing what needs to be done and that takes courage x
Thank you x
 

Lladro

Registered User
May 1, 2019
115
I agree totally with Trekker - Guilt really is part and parcel of it and you clearly have courage to do what needs to be done.
I have called 111 twice in the middle of the night during the last six days and also asked the local surgery to send someone to help one of the daytimes - Do I feel guilty that I can't cope and that I am troubling other people? Damm right I do, but I also know it was the right thing to do.
You are not alone in your feelings - Be a little easier on yourself - I am trying to take my own advice too!
Best wishes to you.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,733
south-east London
I am afraid feeling guilty is often the price carers pay when doing the right thing. It is very hard at times.

Of course you didn't take the decision lightly, and you are better placed than well-meaning relatives, who do not know the half of what is happening, to make the right call.

You have taken steps to try to do what is best for both your parents and I hope support is soon in place to help both of them experience better days.
 

Chocs

New member
Aug 14, 2019
5
I agree totally with Trekker - Guilt really is part and parcel of it and you clearly have courage to do what needs to be done.
I have called 111 twice in the middle of the night during the last six days and also asked the local surgery to send someone to help one of the daytimes - Do I feel guilty that I can't cope and that I am troubling other people? Damm right I do, but I also know it was the right thing to do.
You are not alone in your feelings - Be a little easier on yourself - I am trying to take my own advice too!
Best wishes to you.
Thank you x
 

Chocs

New member
Aug 14, 2019
5
I am afraid feeling guilty is often the price carers pay when doing the right thing. It is very hard at times.

Of course you didn't take the decision lightly, and you are better placed than well-meaning relatives, who do not know the half of what is happening, to make the right call.

You have taken steps to try to do what is best for both your parents and I hope support is soon in place to help both of them experience better days.
Thank you x
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,410
It’s strange that we feel guilty for caring enough to safeguard our loved ones. Yet no one feels guilty about asking too much of us as carers.....
um think we need to change the way dementia is though of this is a terminal illness & should be treated as such by medical professionals & not just seen as a condition of old age.
Easier said than done, I am crippled with guilt no matter what I do - it’s never really enough.
 

Catastrophe

Registered User
Feb 15, 2019
29
It’s strange that we feel guilty for caring enough to safeguard our loved ones. Yet no one feels guilty about asking too much of us as carers.....
um think we need to change the way dementia is though of this is a terminal illness & should be treated as such by medical professionals & not just seen as a condition of old age.
Easier said than done, I am crippled with guilt no matter what I do - it’s never really enough.
That is so true. Been trying to put my finger on it t. Why people with dementia are just given a diagnosis and really left to it. It is a terminal illness, it is not just part of ageing. Its just more likely to happen as we age. Is it time to make things change. Unfortunately all us carers are to worn out to really stand up and say so. Suspect cost is the factor here. Just old age means we have to pay for it with our time and emotions.