1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Chocs

    Chocs New member

    Aug 14, 2019
    5
    Today I have had to call Social Services for help. A decision I didn't make lightly. My father cannot cope with mums behaviour, I'm being told what to do by well meaning relatives who haven't got a clue. My brothers are happy to let me crack on with it. Why do I feel so guilty for making the phone call?
     
  2. Trekker

    Trekker Registered User

    Jun 18, 2019
    157
    Female
    London
    Guilt is part and parcel of caring for a PWD, I’m afraid, and I am so sorry you are having to experience it. We feel guilty not because we are doing anything wrong but because we care enough to want to do more than we, as human beings, can take, and because we want to make things better, when even making things okay is often not possible, with dementia. Please try to be kind to yourself, you are doing what needs to be done and that takes courage x
     
  3. Chocs

    Chocs New member

    Aug 14, 2019
    5
    Thank you x
     
  4. Lladro

    Lladro Registered User

    May 1, 2019
    40
    I agree totally with Trekker - Guilt really is part and parcel of it and you clearly have courage to do what needs to be done.
    I have called 111 twice in the middle of the night during the last six days and also asked the local surgery to send someone to help one of the daytimes - Do I feel guilty that I can't cope and that I am troubling other people? Damm right I do, but I also know it was the right thing to do.
    You are not alone in your feelings - Be a little easier on yourself - I am trying to take my own advice too!
    Best wishes to you.
     
  5. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,459
    south-east London
    I am afraid feeling guilty is often the price carers pay when doing the right thing. It is very hard at times.

    Of course you didn't take the decision lightly, and you are better placed than well-meaning relatives, who do not know the half of what is happening, to make the right call.

    You have taken steps to try to do what is best for both your parents and I hope support is soon in place to help both of them experience better days.
     
  6. Chocs

    Chocs New member

    Aug 14, 2019
    5
    Thank you x
     
  7. Chocs

    Chocs New member

    Aug 14, 2019
    5
    Thank you x
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    290
    It’s strange that we feel guilty for caring enough to safeguard our loved ones. Yet no one feels guilty about asking too much of us as carers.....
    um think we need to change the way dementia is though of this is a terminal illness & should be treated as such by medical professionals & not just seen as a condition of old age.
    Easier said than done, I am crippled with guilt no matter what I do - it’s never really enough.
     
  9. Catastrophe

    Catastrophe Registered User

    Feb 15, 2019
    23
    That is so true. Been trying to put my finger on it t. Why people with dementia are just given a diagnosis and really left to it. It is a terminal illness, it is not just part of ageing. Its just more likely to happen as we age. Is it time to make things change. Unfortunately all us carers are to worn out to really stand up and say so. Suspect cost is the factor here. Just old age means we have to pay for it with our time and emotions.
     

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