I feel like ive been kicked in the face.


Registered User
Mar 27, 2006
Hello all,

My sister visited Mum last week and she sent me a picture and all i can say is she has the look of death on her face im so scared and i totally broke down as soon as i saw it. Its really got to me and i feel so bad. I have no other way of explaining how i feel other than i feel like ive been punched in the face. I would like peoples opinions on this as i dont know what to expect now.



Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Mark

Photographs are a split second of someone's expression, often not a good representation at all.

Seeing someone in a picture after you have not seen them for even a week when they have dementia is always going to be a challenge.

Even now, seven years after my Jan left home for the last time to go into care, when I leave her she is with me, as vivacious as ever she was. Yet, when I look at her, she is not a bit like she was - but she is still Jan because there are fleeting expressions, and if I focus on an eye, an ear, a hand, well, they are still Jan. they simply don't hang together as well as they once did.

If I take a picture, she is the least recognisable because I can't await an expression - I simply see a statement of her condition. It is a picture - it is not Jan.

My way around this is to visit every time I possibly can to see her in the flesh, to renew my vision of her as she is now.

A photograph - much as I love photography - is a misleading record.

Please don't upset yourself by imagining things in photographs. When you can, visit Mum, and do so as if she is the same now as she was in the past.

Not easy, but it comes, if you try. I'm sure you will agree, she deserves it, and so do you.

best wishes


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
A picture tell's a thousand stories

Dear Elwoodpool
Do not feel loss of hope, please.
Other's on this site will help.
LX BarbX


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
Dear Bruce

Your love for Jan, well, I know.
It is just LOVE.
Barb& Ron
You are a kind, and gentle man. And, also a good laugh:D