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I feel like I'm going mad

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
My mum has been running around the house talking nonstop for the past several weeks. She often complains about back pain. I am trying my best to help her by giving her tablets and putting them on her back gel. The social worker who has been taking a long time. She will see us on Wednesday to sort out her care package. I feel I have to be doing nearly everything for her such as washing her dishes and buying her food. I have been getting angry with her today for talking to the neighbours from her window. I've had issue's with the neighbours for a few years with them making nasty comments about me. It may have something to do with them with narcissistic disorder and other neighbours taking their side. They know what's been going on and they care what we're going through.

She was running from her bath this evening and I was busy with the dishes in the kitchen. She came out looking for talking and looking for me and then giving me the same 'Grow up' insult like she tells me every year. I hate it and am sick of the criticism and putdowns. I feel I should just go and get on with getting my own flat. I have been stuck in the house caring for her for a long time now. Sometimes she wants me to be running at the back of her and looking at neighbour's cars. I tired myself out recently with constantly running around for her, I'm just giving myself a rest. Today I feel I've been fuming with anger with everything and I forget what she needs and I forget to give her tablets at a certain time.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,340
0
Kent
Hello @Nightshade01

If you believe your mum will be safe, take a back step and leave her be. If you feel she is at risk, contact Social Services and tell them you cannot continue this level of care without their support.

If you don`t ask, you won`t get. This is the best your mother will ever be and it can only get worse. I suggest you set things in place, if not now, then for the future.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,895
0
South coast
You have been looking after her for a long time and have been talking about moving out for a while. I agree with Grannie G - I think you should look for somewhere of your own.


PS - with the back pain and the increase in manic behaviour, has she been checked for a kidney infection?
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
You have been looking after her for a long time and have been talking about moving out for a while. I agree with Grannie G - I think you should look for somewhere of your own.


PS - with the back pain and the increase in manic behaviour, has she been checked for a kidney infection?
She has been. They didn't find any infection.
 

Clairey51

Registered User
Dec 7, 2021
21
0
My mum is on the go constantly she has shoulder pain which comes and goes, she won't sit down and rest and i think this makes things worse, she will sit down for 10 seconds and then is on the go again, very frustrating as she is constantly complaining but just won't rest.
I believe it is a posture problem and just wear and tear, ibuprofen will usually help she just won't rest it.
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
I told one of the carers yesterday about what's going on. She told me to see a doctor to get antidepressants. And told me I won't have to take them. I haven't got around to calling the doctor today. I wasn't feeling well this morning and had a migraine. The same issue happened earlier on before with my mum. She was looking for keys they were around her neck and I showed her the keys and started rattling them at her and got on the wrong side of her again, She was shouting the same insults at me again and I got really stressed out and upset with her criticisms.
I feel my brain is getting tired and I'm not always thinking straight. She often gets stuck in the same phase and insults. I feel this needs to stop. I think maybe I should call the doctor and tell them I'm not well anymore.
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
197
0
I fail to see the point of getting antidepressants if you're not going to take but is does sound as though you're not coping with your mum.

Hopefully Wednesday's visit will bring you more help
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
I fail to see the point of getting antidepressants if you're not going to take but is does sound as though you're not coping with your mum.

Hopefully Wednesday's visit will bring you more help
I also thought the same that there would be no point in getting antidepressants. I don't know what to do for the best.
 

Dundeetinker

New member
Jun 28, 2022
1
0
Hi nightshade I looked after my mum it was hard going not gonna lie she did all the usual repeating herself and ye criticism too but I was an only child so I wanted to look after her I loved her she was MY mum and I did, I no longer have her now to care for I wish I did she died 3 weeks ago with her dog in a house fire in an electrical fault. If you think you can no longer do this for your mum you really need to say now as things will only get worse and she needs to be kept safe.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,480
0
Yorkshire
A warm welcome to DTP @Dundeetinker

I am so sorry to read about your mum ... such a sad happening ... my condolences on your loss

It may help to have a thread of your own, maybe in this forum:

Members will respond with sympathy and understanding
 

LouiseW

Registered User
Oct 18, 2021
55
0
Hi Nightshade
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Sounds like the time has come to change things and allow youreself to plan for moving on and getting you mum care.

Easier said than done I know and I cannot stress enough how much fuss you need to make to get Social Services/NHS to help - I was forced to write to my Dads GP and lie about moving to another part of the country - this spurred his GP to put more pressure on Social Services who still said they couldn't do anything "becuase of backlogs" BUT the Community Mental Health Team referral the GPmade has paid dividends and they have been very helpful - getting to know Dad and being able to confirm that he needs 24 hour supervision.

It seems so unfair that us exhausted carers have to summon up all our remaining strenghht to fight for any help what so ever but this is the reality of the situation.

I wish you all the best, you have my empathy and much respect.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
0
North West
HI @Nightshade01 -caring is not just about doing the act of caring its also about realising when we can't anymore for whatever reason. Best to leave alone than continue and end up in a situation far from ideal and there is no shame in saying 'I can't do this anymore'. Caring is no easy task and even harder with dementia to deal with especially at a personal level. Maybe its time to rethink where you are at and plan for a way forward?
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
Hi nightshade I looked after my mum it was hard going not gonna lie she did all the usual repeating herself and ye criticism too but I was an only child so I wanted to look after her I loved her she was MY mum and I did, I no longer have her now to care for I wish I did she died 3 weeks ago with her dog in a house fire in an electrical fault. If you think you can no longer do this for your mum you really need to say now as things will only get worse and she needs to be kept safe.
@Dundeetinker I'm sorry for your loss.
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
I'm now looking for a care home for next week. The social worker said my mum will have to move out next Friday. I will then have to find my own place.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,895
0
South coast
Wow, that seems to have happened suddenly!
Are you getting any help finding somewhere for your mum?
Does your mum own the house you are in, or is it rented?
 

Nightshade01

Registered User
Nov 24, 2019
138
0
Wow, that seems to have happened suddenly!
Are you getting any help finding somewhere for your mum?
Does your mum own the house you are in, or is it rented?
@canary The social worker has given me a website with places to look at and she owns the house we are living in.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,895
0
South coast
@canary The social worker has given me a website with places to look at and she owns the house we are living in.
The social worker said my mum will have to move out next Friday. I will then have to find my own place.

OK - The SW is assuming that your mum will be self-funding and the house will have to be sold to pay for her care home fees.

I know that you have MH problems, but are you registered disabled ie are you receiving PIP or DVA? If so, then you do not have to leave the house as it will be disregarded from your mums financial assessment. Even if you are not getting PIP/DLA (and I am assuming here that you are under 60 yrs old), because you have lived there all your life and have MH problems, you would stand a really good chance of the house getting discretionary disregard. Please do not leave the house once your mum has moved into a care home and get some advice from Citizens Advice