Hi. Sorry I have absolutely no advice to give at all as I am sadly new to this as my dad is currently under investigation. But my heart breaks for you and you mustn’t put yourself down, you are doing the right thing by not taking your parents out and I think you are amazing to cope with all of this. Your parents are very lucky to have you
I feel like I’m a terrible person but don’t know what else to do
- Thread starter Trekker
- Start date
Thanks for your kind words @Tattytatoes I am sorry you are having to embark on this difficult journey. sometimes it feels like we’re barefoot and blindfolded and the road strewn with sharp obstacles, but something we find a way through, and the friendly support from each other on TP really helps, so ask away when you need help or just a listening ear x
How is her short term memory? I.e. would she later remember if you said 'I can't take you today/on Wedsney etc., but maybe on Saturday/next Tuesday?" And repeat (with variations) as needed.
Maybe you've tried this and it doesn't work, if so my apologies. However it was how I handled my mother often wanting to go and visit her (long-dead) parents.
In any case, you absolutely must not beat yourself up, or feel guilty or terrible.
Sometimes (or I may say often!) there are situations with dementia where there simply are no easy answers at all, and whatever you do will end in the sort of outing-debacle you describe, or else the person ranting at you for not doing what they want.
Maybe you've tried this and it doesn't work, if so my apologies. However it was how I handled my mother often wanting to go and visit her (long-dead) parents.
In any case, you absolutely must not beat yourself up, or feel guilty or terrible.
Sometimes (or I may say often!) there are situations with dementia where there simply are no easy answers at all, and whatever you do will end in the sort of outing-debacle you describe, or else the person ranting at you for not doing what they want.
Thanks so much for your advice @Witzend much appreciated. Her short term memory is about 3 minutes for most things but my dad remembers for longer but can’t understand what I’m trying to do when say ‘we’ll go next week’, and takes me literally. Even if he can't remember when Wednesday is he will think I have agreed that we will go shopping and keeps reminding my mother that I will soon take them shopping
Having both of them affected, but at slightly different stages, brings its own challenges. Then again the above will work some days so always worth trying. Thank you x
