I feel like Jekyll and Hyde that should say! Dad died 14th August and it's our first Christmas without him , obviously! I have 2 little ones as many of you will already know, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Yes, I have my handful, but they are a joy. I want to make this the best Christmas for those little guys, my 2 year old is a chatterbox and understands Christmas this year so it will be fun for both her and my 4 year old boy. One part of me is really looking forward to Christmas , my Dad would have loved it, just gutted he had to miss out. I am looking forward to playing Father Christmas and watching their little faces. Then there is the other side of me, I keep crying when I have time to think, I feel really upset about the time of year, missing my Dad, feel upset for Mum, I am with her as much a possible but she keeps saying she doesn't want to be a burden. Then she told me earlier today that she had a bad evening crying watching TV and then couldn't sleep most of the night as she was so upset. So you see, Jekyll and Hyde, that's me. Getting on my own nerves!! Wish I could switch off.