I feel I'm going mad

[annieka 56]

Hi All

I feel like I am going mad and turning into this horrible person. I am sobbing at the moment. My husband has refused to wear his pads today and has just sat at the dining table and gone to toilet on the chair and floor. I could have done some serious damage to him, I was furious. I turned into this horrible banshee and have pushed him to the bottom of the stairs and said 'go upstairs. I don't want you done here'. How horrible is that, but the thing is I meant it. At this present moment, I just feel I can't cope with him.

 

[annieka 56]

Very difficult. I used to hope and pray that incontinence would somehow not become a problem but it has.
I have bought a Bissell Spot clean Pro from Amazon which is easy to use and was not too expensive. Carpet cleaners for pet accidents all work. I'm lucky we have laminate or wooden floors downstairs but the accidents happen upstairs - bedroom, landing - where there's carpet. If I could find a magic way of removing my bedroom carpet without having to remove wardrobes, bed and having a laminate floor, I would!
also have a whole bunch of old towels and discovered laundry sanitizer a few months ago!

 

[Slipstitch]

I also worry about what this is making me become at times (bossy, manipulative, a liar, cross) and hearing myself being this way is horrible. But I know in my heart this isn't me, just as I'm sure it isn't you. You're not going to change fundamentally from the decent, nice person I'm sure you've been all your life, and we just can't beat ourselves up for what this dreadful situation does to us from time to time - absolutely no one, no one, could cope with this without cracking sometimes.
If it's possible to be in a different room for a while after things happen that make you feel this way, I find it can help a bit - getting him to go upstairs was a good thing to do.

 

[Willum]

I am going through the same problem with my wife. Still waiting on the results of the MRI scan but currently she has all the symptoms of mild/moderate dementia. Wetting herself, soiling herself, and using her hands to clean herself. No comprehension of the simplest of things and no memory to talk off. She has had two showers today and no doubt will have some more. Am waiting an assessment on myself and have applied to the local authority for an assessment on my wife though, as seems to be normal now, they have said it will be between 4 and 6 weeks before they can respond. At times I feel as if I can not go on...not good.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Willum welcome to TP. Sorry to hear of the struggles you're having at the moment. I hope that the local authority assessments for you and your wife will be conducted soon, and are not delayed any longer. Unfortunately there seem to be long waits everywhere for social care assessments at the moment. In the meantime I wonder if a chat with your GP to request a referral to the incontinence team might be helpful, if one hasn't already been sent? They can offer advice about incontinence issues and provide various products that might be of help. It's not an easy stage to deal with but please keep posting as there is a lot of support here from others that have been, or are, in the same situation.

If you feel that having a chat with someone would help, the staff on the dementia connect support line are very friendly and helpful:

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Louise7]

Very difficult. I used to hope and pray that incontinence would somehow not become a problem but it has.
I have bought a Bissell Spot clean Pro from Amazon which is easy to use and was not too expensive. Carpet cleaners for pet accidents all work. I'm lucky we have laminate or wooden floors downstairs but the accidents happen upstairs - bedroom, landing - where there's carpet. If I could find a magic way of removing my bedroom carpet without having to remove wardrobes, bed and having a laminate floor, I would!
also have a whole bunch of old towels and discovered laundry sanitizer a few months ago!

Hello @annieka 56 welcome, and thanks for posting some helpful information for a problem that is difficult to deal with, both physically and mentally, for many. This is a friendly and supportive place where problems can be shared so please do keep posting.

 

[Lakshmi]

Hello Bactorem
I have just read you post, you are definitely not horrible in any way what you are going through is so horrific for anyone so please don’t feel guilty. My husband has mixed dementia with personality changes fortunately he is continent. I hope by now you have help and support which you need otherwise it will burn you out making you unwell. You are important here. If you can take yourself into another room allow time for you to recover your strength. You have the support here on the forum. Take care.