I feel guilty for getting my dad diagnosed

[tishand]

My dad has just received his diagnosis for mild Alzheimer’s. I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis since September last year and we finally got it on the 4th April.
Since then my dad has told me that he feels thick and stupid. I don’t think he fully understands what Alzheimer’s is.
I now am wondering if things would have been better left without the diagnosis? There is no cure although I know medication can help slow things down and dad was plodding along fine until now. Now he’s worrying about so much that he never worried about before, he’s lost confidence in himself and seems to have lost confidence in mums capabilities, he seems to trust me to do things for him rather than mum. Because of this I have taken a step back and mum is attending hospital appointments with dad now despite her having little mobility and being slightly deaf. Should I have left things to progress further before getting the diagnosis? What are the benefits of early diagnosis for Alzheimer’s??

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @tishand and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
Has it been suggested that your dad take medication? Certainly some people respond well to the drugs usually prescribed for Alzheimer's. My mother has vascular dementia so I have no direct experience of donepezil or any other drugs used for Alzheimer's but I'm sure others will be along shortly with their take on how useful they are. How is your mum coping? Is she cross with you for pushing for for a diagnosis, or is she relieved that various symptoms have now been explained?
One of the advantages of having a diagnosis is that it may open avenues of support. I don't know if this fact sheet will be helpful

Find support near you

Use our dementia directory to find local support services for people with dementia and their carers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Also if you haven't organised Lasting Power of Attorney, now would be a good time to get that sorted. You'll find it really useful later on and it's worth doing for both your parents.
Do have a look round the forums. This is a very friendly and supportive place and you'll get lots of help and advice here.

 

[tishand]

We were told that medics could be prescribed but dad is undergoing tests for a heart murmur at the moment so they won’t look at meds until his heart condition is diagnosed.
Mum hasn’t really said much, I hoped it would give mum more understanding as to why dad behaves the way he does now, forgetting things, being snappy and short tempered. Mum says she knows why he forgets now but they both get so frustrated with one another and snap at each other.
We have talked about power of attorney and wills etc but at the moment dad feels like he can’t cope with any more form filling and official appointments etc.

 

[tishand]

He’s also recently been diagnosed with diabetes and is medicated for that, type 2. So as you can imagine, he says he’s had enough and can’t cope with it all. He says he just wants to give up. I’m really worried as everything is just piling up on top of him right now.

 

[Dunroamin]

I have had an early diagnosis. There are several benefits. All legal documents done (will via a solicitor so less likely to be challenged) POA, living will, DNR etc. Together we have thought about the future and have a new bucket list plus a ****itbucket for things I can no longer do. I swim three times a week, go to pottery classes and so on. OH gets much support from our local carers group and he attends several things in his own right.

I reversed T2 diabetes while i still have some insight

Reversing Type 2 Diabetes - Newcastle Magnetic Resonance Centre - Newcastle University

If it helps, it took me a little while to come to terms with things and your dad will be the same. OTOH he may never accept it.

If you accept that one of the definitions of bereavement is 'life can never be the same' then this may help you understand just what you are all going through

(Written with support)

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP @tishand
You may find this thread helpful https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/