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I feel empty.

SorchaC

Registered User
May 3, 2021
20
0
My mother has dementia. It showed up on Mother's day 2020. She is in an assisted living facility. I believe that corresponds to a care home in England.

She had a bad fall 3 weeks ago. 14 staples in her head. Fell again last night and opened the wound. I went to see her at the ER.

Earlier yesterday I had to put my 18-year-old cat to sleep.

My mother is one of the reasons I love cats. I wanted to tell her what had happened so she could console me. But I know that person is gone.

The woman I saw in the ER was far from my mother. She kept scratching herself. Rash all over her trunk. I am guessing new detergent at the facility. She was picking at the sheets, which I understand is common. Then she started feeding herself imaginary food.

She was talking to someone. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I hate this. Why do I have to watch this? She does not seem to know what the hell is going on and I am glad for that. But I see it.

The doctor let me know they were concerned about an internal brain bleed. I left. I told the staff I was going home. It was just too much. She did not have a brain bleed just a hematoma. Yeah. I guess. Because honestly how much more.

I have a sister. She is good. She has not seen our mother in about 18 months. That is her decision and I support her. I just told her it was something she would have to live with not me. And **** what can I say? You come and watch this nightmare.

I have good support I do but I still feel so alone and mad and now I am crying but mostly I feel empty.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,483
0
South coast
Im so sorry to hear about your mum @SorchaC . A fall can do so much damage to an elderly person.

You feel empty because you are emotionally drained from the stress.
Please look after yourself
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
980
0
Also the loss of a companion cat after 18 yrs will hurt. I have been through that a few times. I got my love of cats from my mum too & it’s so hard not to be able to share your sorrow. Also the sorrow you feel for your mums condition, it’s like a bereavement. Hopefully you will feel supported on here. Best wishes.
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
207
0
My mother has dementia. It showed up on Mother's day 2020. She is in an assisted living facility. I believe that corresponds to a care home in England.

She had a bad fall 3 weeks ago. 14 staples in her head. Fell again last night and opened the wound. I went to see her at the ER.

Earlier yesterday I had to put my 18-year-old cat to sleep.

My mother is one of the reasons I love cats. I wanted to tell her what had happened so she could console me. But I know that person is gone.

The woman I saw in the ER was far from my mother. She kept scratching herself. Rash all over her trunk. I am guessing new detergent at the facility. She was picking at the sheets, which I understand is common. Then she started feeding herself imaginary food.

She was talking to someone. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I hate this. Why do I have to watch this? She does not seem to know what the hell is going on and I am glad for that. But I see it.

The doctor let me know they were concerned about an internal brain bleed. I left. I told the staff I was going home. It was just too much. She did not have a brain bleed just a hematoma. Yeah. I guess. Because honestly how much more.

I have a sister. She is good. She has not seen our mother in about 18 months. That is her decision and I support her. I just told her it was something she would have to live with not me. And **** what can I say? You come and watch this nightmare.

I have good support I do but I still feel so alone and mad and now I am crying but mostly I feel empty.
Hello SorchaC:
My mother has dementia. It showed up on Mother's day 2020. She is in an assisted living facility. I believe that corresponds to a care home in England.

She had a bad fall 3 weeks ago. 14 staples in her head. Fell again last night and opened the wound. I went to see her at the ER.

Earlier yesterday I had to put my 18-year-old cat to sleep.

My mother is one of the reasons I love cats. I wanted to tell her what had happened so she could console me. But I know that person is gone.

The woman I saw in the ER was far from my mother. She kept scratching herself. Rash all over her trunk. I am guessing new detergent at the facility. She was picking at the sheets, which I understand is common. Then she started feeding herself imaginary food.

She was talking to someone. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I hate this. Why do I have to watch this? She does not seem to know what the hell is going on and I am glad for that. But I see it.

The doctor let me know they were concerned about an internal brain bleed. I left. I told the staff I was going home. It was just too much. She did not have a brain bleed just a hematoma. Yeah. I guess. Because honestly how much more.

I have a sister. She is good. She has not seen our mother in about 18 months. That is her decision and I support her. I just told her it was something she would have to live with not me. And **** what can I say? You come and watch this nightmare.

I have good support I do but I still feel so alone and mad and now I am crying but mostly I feel empty.
Hello SorchaC: I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and your beloved cat!! It is heartbreaking. I have 2 cats and they do keep me company. I know it's not the same as talking to a person & There are many days I feel empty and isolated. My mum also had a bad fall over 3 weeks ago where she broke her hip and fractured her knee. I saw her yesterday and she kept playing with the sheets and dragging them up and off and taking her hospital gown off and exposing herself. (No shame)!! My mum in her normal self wouldn't have dreamed of ever doing something like that ..... But welcome to Dementia. It has no shame. I hope I'm making sense. I just want to say you are not alone. Post as many times as you want to express, cry, & be mad. Everyone here understands x
 

SorchaC

Registered User
May 3, 2021
20
0
Hello SorchaC:

Hello SorchaC: I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and your beloved cat!! It is heartbreaking. I have 2 cats and they do keep me company. I know it's not the same as talking to a person & There are many days I feel empty and isolated. My mum also had a bad fall over 3 weeks ago where she broke her hip and fractured her knee. I saw her yesterday and she kept playing with the sheets and dragging them up and off and taking her hospital gown off and exposing herself. (No shame)!! My mum in her normal self wouldn't have dreamed of ever doing something like that ..... But welcome to Dementia. It has no shame. I hope I'm making sense. I just want to say you are not alone. Post as many times as you want to express, cry, & be mad. Everyone here understands
A hip and knee. Did they operate?
Oh, lord. The nudity. They never warned me about the nudity. I never saw my mother naked before dementia.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,450
0
@SorchaC , so sorry to read about the distressing time you are having. I hope that you can find some time/way to recharge your batteries. This disease drains the life out of us but we try to keep going on. Thinking of you and your Mum.
 

Hazel63

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
41
0
What an awful time you are having.Our pets are our family and we feel their loss, just as much as anyone else. I have lots of support from my husband and grown up children, but sometimes feel so alone in all this. My Mum is in a care home, but I am her only visitor, as everyone else it too upset to visit ( she can be violent and sometimes starts to take all her clothes off) Deep down I know she would not want her grandchildren , and other family members to see her like this, so I have to be her voice and protect her. Its hard though. I visit every week, but keep my visits short, and try and do something that I enjoy afterwards ( coffee with a friend, a dance class, or just a walk) You have to be kind to yourself. Take care, and look after yourself, this forum is a life saver,I have learnt so much from the lovely people on here.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,208
0
High Peak
From one cat lover to another - I have 4 Asians. I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your beloved kitty.

Your experience actually echoes my own. Mum was muddling along undiagnosed then fell getting off the bus and ended up in hospital. She also had staples (and the wound got infected) and developed a sub-dural haematoma (bleed on the brain.) When I went to see her in hospital it was a complete shock. For a start, I had no idea she was there - I went to her house and a neighbour told me. We rushed to the hospital, finally found mum and she greeted me with 'How did you know I was here? Did my mum tell you?' Mum was 85. She'd also totally forgotten I had children and had gone from early dementia right into the thick of it. I discovered she was lying in a pool of urine and called a nurse who proceeded to strip mum but then handed me a pad and expected me to do it. Like you, I'd never seen my mother naked and was so shocked by the things she was saying ('I've been in a plane crash and was helping to evacuate all the children,' and asking if my partner was her husband, etc.) that I just turned and walked out.

How do they expect us to handle it? I've never been close to my mother and I have no training in dealing with people who have lost touch with reality.

Sad to say, I had to move mum to a care home where she got gradually worse for 3 years then died. That was in Nov. '19 but I still feel like I have PTSD. The whole experience has left me traumatised. I am so sorry I can't offer much advice but I do know how you feel. If you can, step back and let the professionals care for her. And take care...
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
207
0
A hip and knee. Did they operate?
Oh, lord. The nudity. They never warned me about the nudity. I never saw my mother naked before dementia.
My mum had hip surgery just over 3 1/2 weeks ago but she is not walking! They didn't think the knee needed operating and have since been applying pain patches but mum keeps taking them off. She also keeps taking the dressing off her wound on her hip. She doesn't understand why she has these on. I tried to explain to her that she must keep them on. But it doesn't work. None of us have training. I think we can only do our best and hope that is enough. X