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I don't want to live any more..

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,517
Kent
Hello Anne

I found as long as my husband had some insight into his illness he suffered the deepest depression and anxiety.

He took as much medication as allowed but it only touched the surface, he had long negative periods and a precious few times when we could go out and get a bit of pleasure out of life.

Our saving grace was using Direct Payments to get agency carers in on the pretext they were coming to help me with my housework. Dhiren always thought I had too much to do, and somehow was able to realise if my housework was done it would give me more time to spend with him.

When the carers/cleaners came they suggested from day one I should go out and have a break. I told Dhiren I would do some shopping while the `cleaner` was here because I was embarrassed sitting doing nothing while someone else cleaned the house. I asked him to stay and make sure everything was all right.

Economy with the truth I know but it worked like a dream and enabled him to get used to having another person in the house.

Sorry to go all round the houses telling you this but sometimes we need to be a bit inventive in order to improve life for ourselves.

You will find your own way and once you do, life will be a bit easier I hope.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Thankyou Lyn,



But what I need is a break from the hands on caring, which means leaving my husband with someone else, and that's what he's afraid of, and resists with all his might. We now have a couple of lovely " friends" who come into the house, and my husband was reluctant, but willing to go out with one of them on little outings, but now he resists doing that.

How can that situation be changed? If he's calmed with medication, won't he be too dopey to go out anywhere?

I imagine if his low mood doesn't improve medication will have to be resorted to. And then everything is likely to change.
Some meds can be used on a PRN basis (just used when needed). Yes it could make your OH a bit dopey-but everyone is different. Nearly 9 years ago when Pete was first prescribed such meds he was fine in the day-it was only in his final 18 months that Pete's walking became compromised BUT that could have happened anyway as he was low severe.

So sorry you are both going through this-it's horrible.

Love

Lyn T XXX
 

Gigglemore

Registered User
Oct 18, 2013
526
British Isles
10mg of Citalopram made my Mum sleep much better at night but she was fine and eager to go out (in my car) as often as the weather allowed. She became very tired early evening and needed more and more night time sleep but I think that is a good thing. (Hard to know how much due to relief from anxiety, how much due to the drug itself, how much to the progress of dementia).

If the friends have smartphones I wonder if they can get someone to take photos of your husband smiling and enjoying an outing - this may help to persuade/remind him that he does have a nice time with them if he can be shown them next time he is worried about going out without you.

I think depression makes people "tired" and listless. I also think getting out in the fresh air is great to lift spirits - hope your bluetits give you both many happy hours this summer.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
Thankyou very much for all the kindness and helpful thoughts. It's the actual moment of seeing me disappear off the radar that my husband finds so difficult...in as grown up a way as possible he has a toddler panic...separation anxiety....and I can never just slip away discreetly. But I think I'd better keep trying, and hope he won't spot me.

One of his " friends" tells me he's fine after a few minutes, but when he gets back he's often tearful with relief at finding me again.

So maybe some medication to ease the mental pain.... I'll ask.....
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Hello Anne, I'm very sorry to hear how low your husband gets. A great suggestion from Grannie G about popping out when the cleaner came round.
When I was on Citalopram I didn't find it made me any dopier than usual..( well, in my opinion anyway) Not dopey in the sense of sleepy or drowsy anyway. The effect it had was best described, I think, as making me feel care-less, perhaps ever so very slightly carefree, in the way people aim for sometimes when they drink alcohol. I blamed the Citalopram for some weight gain, but I was kidding myself, as now I have come off it I am heavier than before. My mother was on a low dosage of Citalopram and I do think it helped her. It might be worth trying as others have said. Sunshine and the therapy of birdsong and music are great mood lifters too. I hope much sunshine comes back to you both this year.
 

nannylondon

Registered User
Apr 7, 2014
2,475
London
so sorry

Oh my heart goes out to you both I hate this disease it is so cruel for everyone all we can do is try and be strong on these really bad days hugs to you both
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
North Somerset
Fred has been on 20 mg Citalapram for about 5 or 6 years as a mood stabiliser. It is the only medication he Is on. I was prescribed 10mg when stress got to me, upping to 20 mg when thngs were really bad. I found them helpful at the time as they made me a lot calmer and therefore more able to cope. Have now reduced to 10mg on alternate days and hope to stop taking them altogether very soon. Wish I could report that I was losing some weight too but no such luck!!
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
Well, I asked...

So I emailed CPN asking about Citalopram, and they don't think it works very well for people with Dementia. I was so fed up that night that I didn't give him his Memantine, and he actually slept better! Got another message asking how things are, so this time I explained in some detail, and she suggested giving him Aricept again, which had been stopped. The consultant and the usual GP are both away.

Fingers crossed for a quieter night...currently he's terribly distressed because he says he doesn't know what the future holds, and it all depends on me being here to look after him.

Classic Radio is doing its best to soothe him, and me, and it really does help. Thank goodness for music....
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I'm so sorry Anne, it makes me want to cry. My hubbie was an engineer but has no idea what is going on around him. He was on aricept and now mementine but he still gets so agitated. Today he has it in his head that our house is going to be knocked down, it is so difficult to know how to cope with it, also he has no idea he has a problem. (((Hugs to you both)))...xxx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
When John was about halfway into his 12 year "journey", I heard him crying in the garage one day. I rushed in and found him staring at an electric plug, and crying that he couldn't remember what to do, and yet he'd wired thousands in his time.

For him, this must have been the worst time, when he knew there was something wrong with him, and that he was getting worse. For me, the later years were worse, when he was convinced we had to fly "home", and kept waking me to remind me, at 3 in the morning.

Or asking me if I was "with child", or when we were getting married, or convinced we had droves of strangers in the house, or not knowing who I was ................. the usual things that form a common thread through so many posts.

People say that time is a great healer, but, at the moment, Day 149 without him, it's not like that for me. It's a rotten lousy illness, and we all need a great big group hug! Off to the CAB now, and hope I can help someone with form filling - or just sympathy.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I'm so sorry Anne, it makes me want to cry. My hubbie was an engineer but has no idea what is going on around him. He was on aricept and now mementine but he still gets so agitated. Today he has it in his head that our house is going to be knocked down, it is so difficult to know how to cope with it, also he has no idea he has a problem. (((Hugs to you both)))...xxx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
When John was about halfway into his 12 year "journey", I heard him crying in the garage one day. I rushed in and found him staring at an electric plug, and crying that he couldn't remember what to do, and yet he'd wired thousands in his time.

For him, this must have been the worst time, when he knew there was something wrong with him, and that he was getting worse. For me, the later years were worse, when he was convinced we had to fly "home", and kept waking me to remind me, at 3 in the morning.

Or asking me if I was "with child", or when we were getting married, or convinced we had droves of strangers in the house, or not knowing who I was ................. the usual things that form a common thread through so many posts.

People say that time is a great healer, but, at the moment, Day 149 without him, it's not like that for me. It's a rotten lousy illness, and we all need a great big group hug! Off to the CAB now, and hope I can help someone with form filling - or just give them some sympathy.
 

Gigglemore

Registered User
Oct 18, 2013
526
British Isles
"Antidepressants and anticonvulsants


Research suggests that drugs developed to treat depression (antidepressants) can also be an effective treatment for behavioural and psychological symptoms in dementia. Specifically, studies have shown that the antidepressant drugs sertraline and citalopram may help reduce agitation. Antidepressants may also treat apathy (when a person shows a general lack of interest and motivation), which is thought to be the most common behavioural change seen in people with Alzheimer's disease"

Hi Rageddy Anne - see above extract from factsheet 408.

Suggest you reply to CPN politely expressing your confusion at her response as it seems to contradict the experiences of other carers whose loved ones have successfully been tried on Citalopram as well as information published on the AS website. But would she be the person to prescribe, or would you really need to be dealing with your GP?

Something like Citalopram may not help your husband (indeed, both of you would benefit if it does work for him) but it would be a shame if you could not even give it a try simply because this CPN could not be bothered to research it properly.

Hope that your husband is still benefitting from the joy of watching the birds in the garden.
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
All I can offer Anne and Scarlett is a big hug and hope that you will both find peace of mind very soon. I can't count the days Scarlett - just go in weeks every Saturday - my worst day of the week for obvious reasons. Wishing you a peaceful night Anne and loving thoughts WIFE
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
No Citalopram, but he's being given Aricept( donapezil) again after being taken off it some time ago. And half a Memantine twice daily. Last night he slept slightly better, Took him for a walk this morning in a lovely garden near us, in bright sunshine.and his mood seems better, so far...and he's fallen asleep in his chair. In an hour or so he usually starts asking where we are and are we going home, even who are you? Fingers and toes crossed....maybe it won't happen.

Thanks everyone who posted, it's so much appreciated.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
The CPN told me Consultant was away for a couple of days but she would come back after speaking to him. Citalopram, she said they don't think it helps with ?Dementia. Our regular GP is away for two more weeks. After I sent an extract from my diary to the CPN she messaged me, start Aricept/ Donapezil again, probably shouldn't have been stopped.
Since then his agitation has increased a lot, and this afternoon he's been distraught with worry about everything under the sun, ending with asking who I was working for because I'm obviously in on a consoiracy, and he must escape....but he had no idea who I was, and kept asking when his wife was coming back.
In the end, in desperation, I've given him two Paracetamol, and he's fallen asleep, exhausted. And so am I.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,517
Kent
My husband was tried with different antidepressants but he still remained in varying states of anxiety.

I feel for you Anne.