I thought I'd post an update. I've looked at CHC and decided it's a no no. My mother wouldn't qualify. Nothing has really changed. My brother-in-law has been ill and my sister hasn't pursued the care home any further after respite, concentrating on her husband. So at the moment mum is still at home with carers. I've thought about respite at Christmas as last year, mum was aggressive with family around. I don't really want her at ours,she's about an hour's drive away. It sounds all doom and gloom, I'm depressed myself and not in a good place. Rant over
I don't want my mum to go into care
- Thread starter Lemonjelly
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I thought I'd post an update. I've looked at CHC and decided it's a no no. My mother wouldn't qualify. Nothing has really changed. My brother-in-law has been ill and my sister hasn't pursued the care home any further after respite, concentrating on her husband. So at the moment mum is still at home with carers. I've thought about respite at Christmas as last year, mum was aggressive with family around. I don't really want her at ours,she's about an hour's drive away. It sounds all doom and gloom, I'm depressed myself and not in a good place. Rant over
As you have POA jointly and severally, you could always organise a move to the care home yourself - if you wanted to.
Hello Lemonjelly,
In the end, three weeks ago, I decided that Mother couldn’t go on living on her own. She wasn’t answering the phone whenever I called to prompt her to eat, drink etc. She told me was cooking herself a lunch everyday but when I visited, I had to throw away virtually all her fresh food as it was untouched. She started turning away the online groceries I ordered for her, telling the driver that they weren’t for her. She kept telling me she was ill and spent all day in bed but when I got her doctor to do bloods, it turned out she was severely dehydrated and her kidneys were in danger of shutting down - so, clearly not even drinking. Her BMI was down to 18.
I arranged a place at a CH near us where my MIL already is; turned up at Mother’s. My husband and son kept her chatting whilst I packed a case and got it in the car. We told her we were going out to visit a relative and got her to the CH where she was scooped up and warmly welcomed by the staff before she realised what had happened.
She kicked off majorly once she realised she’d been moved but she’s gone from strength to strength. I truly think she might have died if I hadn’t acted when I did. I cannot tell you the weight off my mind knowing she is now safe, well cared for and receiving appropriate nutrition. Until it affected my family, I was against the ,principle of CHs and thought that families who put their relatives in one were very harsh. Now I’ve changed my tune completely. There is no way I could ever had my mother to live with me, even pre dementia. Our relationship was too toxic but I couldn’t have left her to die in her own home either. I would rather have a clear conscience than a large inheritance.
In the end, three weeks ago, I decided that Mother couldn’t go on living on her own. She wasn’t answering the phone whenever I called to prompt her to eat, drink etc. She told me was cooking herself a lunch everyday but when I visited, I had to throw away virtually all her fresh food as it was untouched. She started turning away the online groceries I ordered for her, telling the driver that they weren’t for her. She kept telling me she was ill and spent all day in bed but when I got her doctor to do bloods, it turned out she was severely dehydrated and her kidneys were in danger of shutting down - so, clearly not even drinking. Her BMI was down to 18.
I arranged a place at a CH near us where my MIL already is; turned up at Mother’s. My husband and son kept her chatting whilst I packed a case and got it in the car. We told her we were going out to visit a relative and got her to the CH where she was scooped up and warmly welcomed by the staff before she realised what had happened.
She kicked off majorly once she realised she’d been moved but she’s gone from strength to strength. I truly think she might have died if I hadn’t acted when I did. I cannot tell you the weight off my mind knowing she is now safe, well cared for and receiving appropriate nutrition. Until it affected my family, I was against the ,principle of CHs and thought that families who put their relatives in one were very harsh. Now I’ve changed my tune completely. There is no way I could ever had my mother to live with me, even pre dementia. Our relationship was too toxic but I couldn’t have left her to die in her own home either. I would rather have a clear conscience than a large inheritance.
There comes a time when a Care home is the only option. My Mum is edging towards that time.
What do the carers think ? Your mum has them in 4 times a day; their input is impartial about care etc
What do the carers think ? Your mum has them in 4 times a day; their input is impartial about care etc
Not sure why you quoted my post, but that aside is there any reason you can't arrange respite for her rather than waiting for your sister to do it? It sounds as if your sister has her hands full with her husband's illness. As most of us said when you originally posted, it sounds as if your mother needs to be in a care home full time.
The care company have been pushing for live in carers, as my mother gets more difficult and aggressive, but even with her funds ,the money is going to run out in a year. Then it's back to selling the home.
A forum member yesterday inferred that my opening post about not wanting to sell the home had not changed by now and I wasn't proactive enough. Obviously the administration on here thought this post offensive and have removed it. In fact, I wasn't upset, because deep down that post was probably right.
I'm going to ask this thread to be closed
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