I don't trust myself any more ....

[dottyd]

No pillow case on a pillow...but a bit of fabric. That's disgusting marinie

I would ask the cqc to take immediate action.

How my mum went to the care home.
------------------------------------------

Mum had been wandering the streets despite having an alarmed door. We were due to fly off on holiday on the Tuesday. I'd spoken to my children who were worried about holding the fort. Mum went to daycare every day and had a private cleaner who came for an hour each morning. Mums home was immaculate and mum was still clean herself. It was mainly the wandering.
On the Monday morning I had a conversation with my children who wondered if she could go into respite. I didn't think we had enough time to arrange it. Then the social worker called. Did we wish to put her in respite.
So, I agreed. She wasn't really supposed to mention CHC but she said two had a good reputation. One my neighbour had been in and she wasn't too happy about it so I said ok we will go with the other one.
My aunt was in one and that was fine so I presumed they were all the same. Omg! They are not.!

My husband said we ought I go and look. So we did. I was stressed beyond belief. Leaving in less than 15 hours, not packed and so needed this break but I'm so glad we did.
It was shabby! Smelled of poo! The lift to the upstairs floor was a horrible old fashioned thing. The wide staircase was unsecured. There were folds in the what looked like cheap carpet in the room mum would have....tripping hazards. No ensuite bathroom.It was just awful

We came out and I said it wants a match taking to it. To this day I hate old houses turned into ch. I much prefer purpose built. My personal preference. I like a building to meet people's needs, that's been properly planned not a one where they try to make a building fit.
So I went to the other one which was a million times better.clean, just had been recarpeted. Ensuite, nice view., purpose built etc

So, mum was hijacked on her way back from daycare and taken there. She thought it was lovely but She wasn't happy when she realised she was stopping there. I left her with a heavy heart although the family were going to visit regularly.

Fast forward two weeks and I'm at the airport coming home and dreading what I'm coming back to. I met someone I knew vaguely whose girlfriend worked in care. I said mum had had to go into a ch. OT the one where the old lady climbed to her death?
Yes! That was the one and that would have been my mother.

The lady had climbed out of an unsecured window . That was so tragic. It's closed now and the owner went to prison.

I wrote to the cqc with my findings. There's no need for them to cut corners.
These ch are under so much pressure for beds now I would query if they had more than one empty room.

Don't want to cause you undue distress marnie but that place is the pits and needs closing down

 

[HillyBilly]

Marnie63 I always took William's clothes home to wash. And I sanitised them by using zoflora disinfectant (smells much better than regular!) in the washing machine and hitting the button to "pause " the wash cycle so the clothes rested for ten to fifteen minutes in the disinfectant solution. That way, you can continue to wash at the lower temperature.

LadyA - thank you for this tip - I have stored it for future use!
Marnie63 - big hugs x

 

[LadyA]

LadyA - thank you for this tip - I have stored it for future use!
Marnie63 - big hugs x

No problem - you can buy "laundry sanitiser" in the detergent section of the supermarket but it works out a lot more expensive - and although it looks like you just add it to the wash, if you read the small print, it actually doesn't disinfect the laundry unless the clothes sit in the solution for a while - just like regular disinfectant!

 

[Marnie63]

This is going from bad to worse ...

Oh how I'm wishing I had never made that emergency call to SS.

I have told SS I am taking mum out of the respite 'care' home on Sunday afternoon as the place is so dreadful. They agree it's bad, but have tried to persuade me to let her stay there for another week. I have said no. At that point the SW got a bit off with me and said she would be referring mum to an independent mental health advocate. Presumably that person will now come along, deem that mum is 'vulnerable' because of my cry for help and forcibly take her into a home which may not be of my choosing.

To cap it all, I called the home to speak to the manager to tell her. She's not there today and as yet has not called me back. I told someone else there that I was planning to pick mum up on Sunday to take her home, had told SS and were there any formalities to cover off? The SW says they told her that I had said I was picking her up on Sunday to take her for a trip out and SS had agreed it!

Morale of the story - be careful what you do. I seem to have caused myself more grief by asking for help and then getting respite in a grotty home.

If I felt bad before, well .....

 

[netsy22]

Oh how I'm wishing I had never made that emergency call to SS.

I have told SS I am taking mum out of the respite 'care' home on Sunday afternoon as the place is so dreadful. They agree it's bad, but have tried to persuade me to let her stay there for another week. I have said no. At that point the SW got a bit off with me and said she would be referring mum to an independent mental health advocate. Presumably that person will now come along, deem that mum is 'vulnerable' because of my cry for help and forcibly take her into a home which may not be of my choosing.

To cap it all, I called the home to speak to the manager to tell her. She's not there today and as yet has not called me back. I told someone else there that I was planning to pick mum up on Sunday to take her home, had told SS and were there any formalities to cover off? The SW says they told her that I had said I was picking her up on Sunday to take her for a trip out and SS had agreed it!


Morale of the story - be careful what you do. I seem to have caused myself more grief by asking for help and then getting respite in a grotty home.

If I felt bad before, well .....

It sounds like you need to get your mum out of there ASAP. Taking her to live with you is not an option, so why is it not possible to get her into a better care home immediately (one that you have seen)? Is there something I have missed?

 

[Marnie63]

Netsy - there are only two which I feel are up to scratch locally, but both are full, with waiting lists ...

So she has to come back here and I will have to get some meds for myself from the doc to cope in the interim, and get home care laid back on. I have today arranged some day care to start week after next.

I'm quite stressed now.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Netsy - there are only two which I feel are up to scratch locally, but both are full, with waiting lists ...

So she has to come back here and I will have to get some meds for myself from the doc to cope in the interim, and get home care laid back on. I have today arranged some day care to start week after next.

I'm quite stressed now.

Oh Marnie, get yourself sorted out first and see your GP for something to help you. There is no shame needing help. I take anti-depressants and they have seen me through bad times. In fact I know I couldn't cope otherwise. Once you reach breaking point you are no good to yourself or your Mum. If your determined to bring your Mum home until you can get her in a better CH get everything in place first otherwise you will be back to square one. I really feel for you as the fear your feeling thinking of bringing her home or leaving her there must be heart breaking. I know exactly what you mean about SS been involved but who do you turn too in a crisis. Sending big hugs of support to you Marnie xxx

 

[Beetroot]

If social services have said "They know it's bad". Why on earth haven't they done something about it? That really is outrageous. Is it possible for you to look for a home further afield so mum could go there until a bed at one of the decent homes becomes available? I know it's not ideal to be moving her around too much and the travelling will be more strain on you, but it might be a lot better for her physical welfare and your mental welfare.

 

[netsy22]

Marnie I feel for you. Yes you need to get your GP to prescribe something for your stress but anti-depressants can take a while to kick in so be warned. Could he help with finding better respite care for your mum? Will you be getting care from SS or paying for it? If paying you will be in charge over how much care and you need a lot! You need as much as possible so you can get away from it. Best wishes,

 

[Marnie63]

I've got her out of there, thank God. I haven't slept the last two nights for worrying. She hasn't been washed properly (as in a bath or shower) in the ten days she has been there, apart from the bath I gave her. She smells again and her hair is really greasy. There is a load of dirt under her fingernails and her feet stink. That place is hell on earth. They clearly don't have enough staff to provide a good level of care. The only redeeming feature was the staff did seem to care, but apart from caring, they also clean and cook and do everything else!

I was so, so worried that the SW might slap some kind of 'order' on mum and she would be stuck there indefinitely in that Godforsaken place (and on those damn anti-psychotics that I didn't agree to or know about).

I really, really regret crying out for help to SS. They did help me with immediate respite, but at what cost to my mother's welfare?

I will just keep in touch with the two good homes she's listed for and will have to make home and day care work as well as possible in the interim (and try to do something about my stress levels).

Phew!

 

[Marnie63]

She gets some funding currently for home care and would for a home. I really didn't want to fall out with SS because of this, but I couldn't seem to convey to them the seriousness of the 'care' provided in that place. When it came down to going against the SW or getting my mum out of that environment, my mum came first!

 

[Tin]

I think you have done the right thing, the stress of looking after mum at home or the stress and worry about her in this particular carehome for respite. The week has given you a clearer view of what to do next.

 

[HillyBilly]

I hear your sigh of relief Marnie, well done.
Do look after yourself too.

 

[Spiro]

If anyone else is on the verge of putting their caree into respite please do check the CQC report on line. If I had done that quickly when SS had called to offer the place, I would never have taken mum there.

CQC Reports don't always tell the full story. Contact the CQC about your concerns as they do listen and act. As this is a public forum, I'm not going to go into detail.

Please look after yourself and take up the daycentre option, if available.

 

[Marnie63]

I HAVE to make the Day Care work, I just have to. They told me it may take 6-8 weeks for a person to settle in, so I must persevere if it doesn't go well the first few times. Mum has fortunately never resisted the home carers (two regular lovely ladies) so hopefully we will go the same way with the DC, fingers crossed!

In the meantime, in 'me' world - I am back on the Kalms, will see the GP next week to ask about something else (I know Codeine works for me, but will he prescribe?!) I am also going to book myself a massage once a week. It can't hurt! Carers Week led to me finding a local lady who does them at reasonable cost.

Thanks again to everyone for your input and support.

 

[tigerlady]

I have been following your posts but not commenting so far as everyone else has been so supportive, but I just had to say in my opinion you have done your best for your Mum in bringing her out of that home. If you get any trouble from the SW you can always threaten to go to the press or your MP. For them to say they knew the home was bad and yet tell you she had to stay there is shocking! I agree with everyone else - the CQC should be informed and it should be closed down.

My husband, too, was in an awful home, and I knew it wasn't for him after the first week, and I was told to give it time, but he lost weight, the food was awful, his legs were all swollen as he never slept in a bed - wouldn't even stay in his room, but wandered into everyone elses and was trying all the doors trying to get out.

In the end, after many desperate and tearful phone calls to the CPN and the CHC people, I said I wasn't having him there any longer and I would take him home until another home had a place for him. The CHC people and the CPN could see I meant it, and I think because of my mental state, and they were worried about previous aggressive incidents from my husband, they pulled strings and he jumped the waiting list on a really good home. It is a lovely place- wonderful carers who are experienced and very capable of dealing with challenging behaviour, extremely clean, good food, access to lovely secure courtyard gardens.

I do hope your mother can soon be in a place like that - well done on rescuing her and I hope you find the strength to care for her until then

 

[fizzie]

I agree you really need to report to the CQC either by email or by phone 03000 616161
or email complaints@cqc.org.uk

Please tell them that SS told you that they know it is bad!!!!

It would also be very helpful to others if you wrote to the director of your adult care services to tell him/her that they are placing people in a home that they know is 'bad' and copy the info that you send to the CQC. I understand that you might not want to do this - you need to put yourself first

Are you aware that the CQC can embargo a home ie stop SS placing residents there while it is under strict monitoring but the home don't have to tell private clients - they can continue to accept self funders - appalling isn't it!!!

Glad mum is home and fingers crossed for the daycare but meanwhile you have her name on waiting lists so that is also very good - well done you xx

 

[Marnie63]

The thing that sticks in my mind most after this recent experience is the second day of mum's stay, I took some more clothes in for her, but was told that she was 'agitated' and that it might be better if I left the bag and went away. Fair enough, I did. But mum was sitting by their front door and peering out of a window. She didn't spot me, surprisingly, but I will never forget the look on her face. It makes me cry now just thinking about it.

I have probably twisted words slightly and not conveyed things correctly. The SW actually said she agreed with some of my views about the home, but because she was concerned about my state of mind she was trying to get me to hold out for the full respite stay. I understood and appreciated the sentiment but my concern for mum was greater than my concern for me.

I will think carefully about how to handle this over the next few days. At the very least I want to put a record of the experience in writing to someone. I am perfectly happy to complain to anyone, but my only concern then would be - if it were closed down, and the other residents, who are all mostly much further down the line than mum and probably not even slightly aware of the hideousness of the place (mum certainly was!) had to move elsewhere - what impact would it have on all those poor souls? Maybe they are all happy because of their state of mind? As I say, it needs a bit of thought, but I was thinking about the CQC anyway and calling them to see what my options are re complaining.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Oh Marnie just got back and read your posts for the last few day's. You have been through hell and back, I am so glad you got your Mum out of that CH. Get as much help as you can and look after yourself.xx

 

[fizzie]

They won't close it down - trust me it has to be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad to close it down but before that process even begins to happen they put notices on the home to 'require improvement' which forces them to improve things.

Try to forget your Mum's face that day - I don't think that you were given the best advice and that was nothing to do with you. Every single thing you have done has had your mum at the centre, holding her in your love, now forget the face and remember the lovely smiley face and the wonderful lady you now have at home.

do try to get some rest xxx