i don't know what to do??


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Im Nicky i am 17 and a student from the wirral.

My grandad suffered from Alzheimers before he died 3 years ago, and spent he last months in a nursing home, although i saw him regularly, every time that i did see him he was less and less like the grandad that i had always known.

My nan is currently suffering from dementia, and i do not see her as much as i would like, i think although it may sound selfish that it is because i don't want to see her deteriate like i did my grandad.

i do not know what to do, if n e 1 has n e suggestions on what to do please post a message any help would be greatly appreciated. :)


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
Is your nan in a home or with relatives or living alone? Does she have other regular visitors? How does she react when you visit? Is she pleased to see you, or hostile, or indifferent?

Of course you are the only one who can decide how often to visit, depending partly on the distance and your own health and circumstances.

I do hope you can go on visiting, even if it is depressing.


Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Hi Nicky

I don't think you sound selfish at all - in fact I think your thoughts are perfectly understandable, but they are obviously troubling you.... I'm sorry to hear about your Grandad - and now your nan.

Are you studying away from home? It must be awfully hard for some students to manage trips home (study/budget constraints) in any circumstances.... but there could be lots of other ways to offer support (I guess that's partly what you're getting at?)... Who is/are the primary carer(s) for your nan?

This sounds like another 'excuse' for you not to visit often (which is not necessarily what I'm trying to get across) but you know having one of the younger generation in the family beavering away with studies can make parents/nans/aunts/whoever hugely proud - that alone could be a boost for others without you being remotely near!!!! (As well as you keeping your grip on your own hopes for the future!!!)

I'm sure if you can tell us a little more about your circumstances there will be lots of ideas here for you - and the support goes without saying.....

Good luck with your studies, too!

Karen (TF)


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Nicky,
I have a son your age; he doesn't visit his nanna too often now she is in a Nursing Home. That's OK; I know that he loves his Nanna, and if I ask him, then he will come along with me.
How aware of things is your Nanna. Would she appreciate receiving photographs, and cards with a short note inside? Can she speak on the telephone, or is she past that? Sounds as though you need to find ways that you can express your love, without having to visit too often, which at the moment you feel unable to do.
The one thing that I am sure of is that your nan would not want you to be unhappy because of her. She would want you to live your life, to have fun, to do well, and to think fondly of her, with a smile on your face.
Take care. Love