Can anyone help me please? My father was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2004 and he lives at home with my mother and she is his sole carer. Both of them are in their 80s and my mother is not in the best of health herself. My sister and I both have young families and live a fair distance away from our parents. A couple of years ago, my father had a period in hospital for a suspected DVT and whilst he was in there he became very disorientated and agitated. I spent most of the week in hospital reassuring him. My mother wouldn't visit him and the time away from her made him more distressed. Whilst he was in hospital, I spoke to the discharge nurse and even got my father to agree that my mother could do with extra help and so arranged to Social Services to visit once he was out of hospital. Unfortunately, I had to return home to look after my children and so wasn't there when Social Services visited. My mother told them that she was quite capable of coping and didn't need any help. My father has deteriorated alot recently, and in order to give my parents a "holiday" I took them away for a weekend to a cottage by the sea. Despite my father being very relaxed and happy whilst away, my mother agitated the whole time, and my father was disorientated and very unsettled when he got home. My sister and I have reasoned with my mother on lots of different occasions that it would do both her and my father good for him to attend a daycare centre once a week so that she could have break and he could have a bit more stimulus or to arrange someone to come in and care for my father whilst my mother goes out. I think that my mother is depressed and, therefore, doesn't really want to go out. I think the basic problem is that my mother will not accept that my father has Alzheimers and that she needs help. In fact on a number of occasions, she has gone so far as to tell me that if I try to talk to Social Services again, or try to arrange any help, she will never speak to me again. My sister has told my mother that we both feel frustrated that she won't accept any help and that we are happy to organise everything, and she won't have to do a thing, but we can't do it until she gives us the go ahead. Sometimes I think that she actually wants us to arrange it all so she doesn't have to and also she doesn't "feel guilty" about having made decisions. I am sure that my sister and I aren't the first to experience this and if anyone can give me any suggestions on how to help my mother, I would be very grateful. It is tearing me apart seeing them both struggle. I have always been so close to my father, closer to him than my mother, and I am beginning to feel cross with her that she won't do anything to make his life better as well as making her own easier and better. It makes me feel so guilty having these negative thoughts but I really want to help them both but just don't know what to do next. Thank you for listening.