Today I saw my grandmother for the first time time in 4 years. She is in residential care and is suffering with severe memory loss. She had no idea who I was and it was so hard. Last time I saw her she was only at the beginning of this journey and now she is totally lost. Due to circumstances I won't bore you with I am not close to that side of the family and so consequently don't see my grandparents as often as I should or would like. But when I saw her today and she had no idea who I was it was really hard because I had missed the decline. I know that's not easy either but it was just such a shock. I feel like I never got a chance to tell her all the things I should and I'm just really confused about how I should feel. I just keep remembering her when I was little and now I feel like she has gone without me telling her how much she meant. I just feel really bad.