I don’t know what I’m feeling

[DanG]

My wife is only 61 years old (I just turned 59).
She’s dealing with Vascular Dementia (more accurately I’m dealing with hers) and she’s just lost.
She can’t remember her last 17 years at work, the passing of her brother (15 years ago), grandmother (40 years ago) or father (2 1/2 years ago).
She’s very confused about many things.
She doesn’t talk much anymore.
We very rarely hear from most of our family and friends anymore.
They’ve all said the words “if there’s anything I can do to help just let me know” but very few even answer if I call.
Luckily we’re both retired and have pensions as well as some pretty good medical insurance so money wise I think we’ll be ok.
But, I just don’t know what to feel. Some days I just want to cry, sometimes I’m just angry (this is NOT what we had planned for our retirement years), but most days I just want to get by.

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to DTP @DanG
I think just getting by with dementia is a big achievement. You may find this interesting reading https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/anticipatory-grief.85774/

Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.

 

[Lladro]

My wife is only 61 years old (I just turned 59).
She’s dealing with Vascular Dementia (more accurately I’m dealing with hers) and she’s just lost.
She can’t remember her last 17 years at work, the passing of her brother (15 years ago), grandmother (40 years ago) or father (2 1/2 years ago).
She’s very confused about many things.
She doesn’t talk much anymore.
We very rarely hear from most of our family and friends anymore.
They’ve all said the words “if there’s anything I can do to help just let me know” but very few even answer if I call.
Luckily we’re both retired and have pensions as well as some pretty good medical insurance so money wise I think we’ll be ok.
But, I just don’t know what to feel. Some days I just want to cry, sometimes I’m just angry (this is NOT what we had planned for our retirement years), but most days I just want to get by.

Hi DanG, well done for having the cojones to post on the forum - You will find lots of help, empathy and wisdom on here - from people who care a lot - I have and it has helped me so very much.
I am 60 and my wife is 70, I retired early (just as well as I would have had to anyway!) and like you, did not envisage in any way shape or form, that retirement would be like this!
You will probably feel bewildered , angry, exhausted, sad, resentful, guilty, confused at the lack of logic and inability to communicate with the person that you love in the same way that you have always done. I understand now that all of these feelings are part of the Carers package and although I don't like them, I understand why. Wanting to cry is ok, crying is ok, let it out if you can - As blokes we don't do it enough.
You will find the strength to cope - You will. Keep using this platform - there are some good people out there - who really "get it". Cheers

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to DTP, DanG. I can empathise with most of your post and your situation. I hope you find something helpful in the thread Cat posted, though counselling has helped me too.
Keep in touch, you will find support and advice here.

 

[DanG]

Welcome to DTP @DanG
I think just getting by with dementia is a big achievement. You may find this interesting reading

Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was on a UK site.
I hope that’s okay with you.

 

[Cat27]

No problem. We have members from around the world.

 

[Izzy]

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was on a UK site.
I hope that’s okay with you.

Hello and welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry to read about your wife's problems. As @Cat27 says - don't worry about not being based in the U.K. You will get lots of help and support here.

It might be helpful to check out this site to see if there's any support available local to you -

https://www.alz.co.uk/associations

Please keep posting here though.