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I do not know this person,

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,646
N Ireland
A person with dementia gets buried under their symptoms as the disease progresses but they are still there.

the old person can be hard to find and rarely seen but they are still there. Sometimes playing music with which they are familiar can bring the personality to the surface for a while - it works with my wife. Sometimes there are ‘singing for the brain’ sessions in local areas because this therapy can work. I realise the sessions may not be available at the moment.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
Hi SandyRose I feel exactly the same. The man who eats next to me, who sits in the living room, who sleeps in the same bed, is not the same man I married. We have only been married ten years which makes it more acute (arguably). Particularly at this time, when I have to explain to him so many times what is going on, I feel so sad, our communication is basically one sided except for rare moments. Music helps and when I put on some music - that reminds of his young days, he revives and starts dancing which is great, I join in and briefly the best times are back.
 

Wakky

Registered User
Jan 5, 2020
54
The husband I once knew is no longer there.
Hello SandyRose. I notice you only joined here in March this year, have you been coping with your husband's diagnosis for some time? I recently joined and my husband is classed as having early stages of AD, but I see so many changes. At his assessment at the memory clinic, one of the phrases I used was, "he's just not the same" - and he's not. I am trying to accept that eventually I will lose the man I married 48 years ago. I will be providing care for a stranger - I may not even like that stranger! None of our words to you can change anything, but I find it helps to say how I feel, have a moan or a rant; say things that I feel bad about, but know I won't get judged for. This is the most awful, awful disease and I will be glad when the horror comes to an end, but I fear I have years in front of me. We know how you feel, please comment on here if it helps at all. Sending warm thoughts to you x
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
Hello SandyRose. I notice you only joined here in March this year, have you been coping with your husband's diagnosis for some time? I recently joined and my husband is classed as having early stages of AD, but I see so many changes. At his assessment at the memory clinic, one of the phrases I used was, "he's just not the same" - and he's not. I am trying to accept that eventually I will lose the man I married 48 years ago. I will be providing care for a stranger - I may not even like that stranger! None of our words to you can change anything, but I find it helps to say how I feel, have a moan or a rant; say things that I feel bad about, but know I won't get judged for. This is the most awful, awful disease and I will be glad when the horror comes to an end, but I fear I have years in front of me. We know how you feel, please comment on here if it helps at all. Sending warm thoughts to you x
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
HI Wakky and Sandy Rose
I also dread the years ahead as I know there is no cure. Things are much worse now with the Coronavirus since I can no longer allow my husband to go out alone. Up until mid March he could still go and buy the newspaper and be trusted to get home safely. This is no longer possible, and every so often he asks me if he can go and get the papers. I get frightened and think of locking the door and keeping the keys in case he just decides to go out. I agree that music is a big help and we have also found an exercise video which he enjoys. Let's all try and stay healthy and sane. Books and writing help me a lot. How about you?
Best wishes Owlone
 

Wakky

Registered User
Jan 5, 2020
54
Hello Owlone. This "lockdown" is making things worse, though my husband does not seem to be as advanced as yours. He is still allowed to drive, having a one year medical review driving licence, but of course, we're not allowed to go anywhere now!!! I tried to get him to do a ten minute workout with me each morning but he thinks I'm daft for doing it - doesn't see the need! I will be very glad when the crisis comes to an end, but fear it will be a long time. I play "words with friends" on Facebook, it's like Scrabble, but it allows words I've never heard of! I do enjoy that, the friend I play with is very competitive, so it is good. If you are on Facebook, maybe you could try it with someone?
Stay safe, stay home. Best wishes x