I care for my mum who has dementia

Petunia1970

New member
Jun 17, 2024
2
0
I moved in with my mum in march. But she’s gotten worse and is on my back all the time. Had a big argument because I was cleaning the kitchen. She no longer cleans things properly - it was my day off work and I had time to do it. Shes so horrible to me telling me to move out all the time. My mental health is suffering. I tried to call social work but couldn’t get to speak to anyone so I’ll try again tomorrow. I have one sister who I don’t really speak to unless necessary. My life’s become unbearable 😞
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
7,342
0
Salford
We are here to listen/read whichever, please feel free to vent all you like.
Welcome from me. K
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,779
0
Newcastle
Hi @Petunia1970 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. We are a friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia. Whether you have questions, need to share with people who truly understand, or to let off steam, we will do our best to support you.
 

Calon Lan

Registered User
May 21, 2024
64
0
Hi @Petunia1970 , I am sorry that life is so difficult for you at the moment. I can understand how you feel. My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I looked after her for some time in her own home and it was extremely stressful and mentally exhausting. I have found this forum helpful in so many ways. I hope that the advice, support and understanding here will help you as well.
 

Petunia1970

New member
Jun 17, 2024
2
0
Hi @Petunia1970 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation. We are a friendly and helpful community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia. Whether you have questions, need to share with people who truly understand, or to let off steam, we will do our best to support you.
Thank you
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
773
0
@Petunia1970 After 3 months, it's perfectly clear that the current arrangements aren't working. I think you're going to have to accept what she's saying and move back home. I'm not for one minute suggesting that you abandon her but she's the responsibility of Social Services not you, so when you manage to speak to a social worker, tell them that you're moving out.
 

Knitterknatter

Registered User
Dec 20, 2022
11
0
@Petunia1970 I have moved in with my father and gave up work so in many ways it's less stressful than having to juggle things but at the same time very claustrophobic.. it helped that we started it during lockdown and before dementia kicked in.

Good luck with Social Services. I think it is also time to bite the bullet with your sister and see if she can give you respite. It might be worth doing a self-refferal for your own mental health via the GP.

In a sense though it is your Mother's house and she sees that the boundaries are being crossed which is what's probably upsetting her. It may be that you have to ask which is annoying as it's a loop conversation or see if would allow someone else to do it. It's taken a very long time for my father to accept that I take a lot of the decisions and he hates the lack of non-consultation. I still get it's my house but at least I also get instructions on what I should do about a problem.

Ultimately the decision is how much guilt can you live with. Not being there and worried or being there and being unable to do everything you feel you ought.

Sadly there are no easy solutions and everyone is very different.

Good luck.
 

GeorgieW

Registered User
Mar 9, 2024
47
0
Hi @Petunia1970
your not alone! I moved my demetia and Alzheimers ridden mother in with me......OMG that was a mistake! however, you do what you need to do. At least if my PWD is with me I can ensure that her and the dogs are being cared for