• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

I care for my husband with dementia

AuntieGilly

New member
Sep 7, 2020
10
Hi there

I'm completely new to this, so not sure how to go on or what to say really. My husband had a stroke about five years ago, which left him with vascular dementia. It wasn't too bad up to the start of this year, when he really became confused and disorientated. He has his lucid moments but he seems to fall asleep and stay in his dreams when he wakes up. Does anyone else have this experience?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,864
Nottinghamshire
Hi @gillstead welcome to Dementia Talking Point

My dad had vascular dementia and he used to sometimes insist that things had happened which had not. In the early stages we believed him until we realised he was remembering his dreams and thinking they were real. I think it’s fairly common.

I’m glad you’ve found this forum as you’ll get lots of information and support here.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
887
Hi @AuntieGilly, welcome to the forum. My Mum often did the same, woke up quite confused and insistent that certain events had occurred, I used to go along with it unless it was a bad 'event' then used to try and calm and reassure her and gently change the subject. As @Bunpoots says I think it is quite a common occurrence and can seem quite convincing.

It can be quite a lonely experience caring for a loved one with dementia, so keep posting you will always find a listening ear hear. All the best.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
508
I think the whole 'dreams vs reality' thing is quite strong with vascular dementia - my dad has this as well as Alzheimer's and although he doesn't seem to have marked sundowning, he has had a couple of episodes early in the morning, one where he attacked some carers and knocked over a resident by trying to throw them off the premises: I think he was dreaming about being a landlord. It happened so fast - a carer checked on him and he was asleep then ten minutes later it was all over.

He also declared it 'pike day' one day which was either TV or dreaming I think, and he's often extra confused first thing in the morning, rushing to get up and out for whatever urgent reason he has in his head, like a flying lesson, and it was early one Sunday when he managed to escape as well. That was when he told me he was in a pub, had been for a walk to keep fit, he'd been shopping, there was a war on, and when he hung up the phone he declared I was his sister!

The care home's response to all of these is to contact the memory team and have them assess and adjust his medication, so if you have the support of a memory clinic or GP it may be worth bringing it to them?
 

AuntieGilly

New member
Sep 7, 2020
10
Thanks to all who have replied to me. Its comforting to know that many of you are experiencing similar things and I will keep posting.

It would appear that my mother in law (95) is also starting with dementia , although I don't think she's too bad as yet. Happy days !!
 

AuntieGilly

New member
Sep 7, 2020
10
Hi @gillstead welcome to Dementia Talking Point

My dad had vascular dementia and he used to sometimes insist that things had happened which had not. In the early stages we believed him until we realised he was remembering his dreams and thinking they were real. I think it’s fairly common.

I’m glad you’ve found this forum as you’ll get lots of information and support here.
 

AuntieGilly

New member
Sep 7, 2020
10
Hi Bunpoots

Good to know others are also experiencing similar dreamy hallucinations. My mother in law (95) is also starting with this. Happy days ahead by the looks of it.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
975
Southampton
hello auntiegilly my husband also has vascular dementia and not as far along but he seems to be constantly sleeping. hes just started with worsening dizzy spells and generally declined. we got a bath stool so he could have a shower himself but hes had to stop and just have washes again leaving me with more personal care to do when im having my own health problems. good while it lasted. he had a blood clot in the heart then a mini stroke which led to vascular dementia which seems worse. ive found a lot of information on here
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
975
Southampton
Hi
Just been accused of having an affair. He says a man comes In the house about 4am. HELP!!
can you tell some love lies such as he was here to do ....... or he ask for a drink of water etc. dont say no because he is convinced that there was a man there so see if you can think of an excuse why a man would be there that would be acceptable to him
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,691
South coast
Accusations of infidelity are surprisingly common in people with dementia. OH accused me of having affairs too. Ha! Chance would be be a fine thing thing!! I have no idea when he thought I would have time :rolleyes:. That would be logical, though, and logic plays no part in the thoughts and delusions of someone with dementia.
Im afraid I just laughed. Probably not the best response........
 

AuntieGilly

New member
Sep 7, 2020
10
Just been informed my husband's prognosis is not good. He is currently in hospital but being moved to a care home to morrow. He is also Covid positive and I am now in isolation.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
975
Southampton
all you need just before lockdown. does the care home know he is positive and safeguarding other residents? what an awful situation and you wont be able to visit him either. thats the worst of it. i care for my husband with dementia at home and with copd, he wouldnt be expected to recover. its scares the life out of me. thinking of you