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I care for mum and dad who care for me.

Wally2547

Registered User
Jan 17, 2015
2
I have had a severe disability for many years. I use a wheelchair. My mum has been my main carer for a long time. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 4 years ago and has slowly got worse. I now has carers for myself once a day. We were doing OK until Dad started to get similar symptoms, confusion, memory loss. Neither of them will have help from outside. My health is suffering. I am able to tell mum and dad what jobs need doing but can't do them myself. Its got to the "pick up the teaspoon, put the coffee in the cups, no that's a saucer" stage. Trying to get mum to wash is a nightmare. Anyone got any advice.
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
Hi Wally2547 and welcome to TP
I am afraid there isn't a way of dealing with this without involving other people, your mum and dad, if they both have dementia type illnesses, (have they been diagnosed and are they having any treatment?) will not be getting any more able to care for themselves, each other or you.

I am not sure how you would go about getting help for all of you, but I can say that I managed to get my parents to at least accept people coming to the house to do housework and sit with mum, so it isn't impossible.

Please get in touch with Social Services and ask for some help, they aren't all bad.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,957
London
Social Services is the only way, they have duty of care, and three people in a household, each with a disability or mental illness cannot be expected to look after each other.
 

bluejag69

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
67
Oh my word. You poor thing. Please ring social services care and duty team. You've got to get help no matter what your mum and dad say. You can't go on the way you are, especially if its making you I'll. They will give you advice and they will talk to your mum and dad when they come round to do an assessment. They spoke to my dad when it was time for a care home. They were so good.

Good luck xxx
 

Wally2547

Registered User
Jan 17, 2015
2
Thank you for your replies. Mum is diagnosed and is being treated but refused help from ss or mental health team. I spent most of yesterday trying to persuade her to have a wash. When she was ok she bathed every day and was always tidy. I know it is not the end of the world if she does not wash, its just she would be horrified if she knew what she was doing. I'm going to seriously start to persuade them to accept help.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,102
Suffolk
Maybe if someone came in to help you, whether you needed it or not, your parents would see that as OK. The help could then stretch over to mum and dad. Would need SS on board and a special carer though.
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
North East
I agree with Spamar, see if social services will work with you on this and get people in using you.... who will accept help willingly.... to actually do things to help your mum and dad, eventually they may be able to come in a few times a week and wash your mum. Confronting these things face on often doesn't work with dementia as the person affected truly doesn't see the issue, they think that they have cleaned the house from top to bottom, have already washed that morning etc etc
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
the trouble with persuading your parents to accept help is that you may manage this one day, but the next they will have forgotten - you need to take charge of this situation and not let things get to a point where emergency intervention is needed because then you have less of a choice.