1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

I care for mum and dad both with dementia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Jaff, Mar 28, 2016.

  1. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Another big hug from me, Jaff x
     
  2. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    Thinking of you.

    Jaff. Hope you had some rest. Lots of Love. & Big. Hugs. Much strength. For today & in the days. Too. Come.


    Hugs.


    Grove. X x X x
     
  3. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Emotional.

    Hi guys.. well I did it.... when I went to see mum this morning. She wanted very much to go and see Dad.... while his mind with us unquote........ I ok with both homes. Mum only started with her chest. And was allowed to go... so went into yet another taxi....... across town......... when they saw each other... they fell into each other's arms... both crying...... Dad saying what a lovely surprise...... and keeped on saying it while we where there. ok. So the rest of the day.. hanging on to mum... ( he is not a touching person normally ). Lol..... he said get into bed with me..... even though his body is giving up. But not his sense. Of humour...... then it got a bit to much. ....only took mum to the loo. Dad was very upset...... when we came back. He said he did not feel well.. but grabbed mums hands and held them. Until we went... both crying.. I had to hold it together. Until I came home... need those hugs more than anything...... I am glad I did it. Life so cruel. Both of them separate. Through no fault of there own.. I have no dought. If mum is strong again she will want to see him...... i will try my best to take her...
    It has taken a lot out of me today... so tomorrow. Rest day... thanks guys for giving me the strength. To carry on. It's nice to know that people out there under stand what your going through..
     
  4. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    Well done Jaff for taking your Mum too visit your Dad. Pleased for you all it was a good visit


    Big Hugs.

    Love. Grove. X x. X
     
  5. Clueless2

    Clueless2 Registered User

    May 14, 2015
    34
    Jaff you are such an incredible and inspirational carer. Today you gave your parents that most precious of a all gifts, time with each other. Despite the unbearable circumstances and logistical geographical nightmare of two care homes, bus rides apart, you had the strength to do it.

    What you did deserves more than hugs, a standing ovation coming your way.
     
  6. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,747
    Yorkshire
    Jaff, you are amazing
    such a gift to give to your parents
    and a memory that will live with you; one to cherish

    sleep well tonight and enjoy your day of rest tomorrow
     
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,034
    Female
    Chester
    Well done Jaff, such hard work for you, have a good rest tomorrow.

    Lots of hugs
     
  8. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    Well DONE ! !

    Jaff & just checking in** too ask how YOU are ? hope you feel more rested today & HAVE rested ? Still thinking of you & your Parents



    Do hope your Mum's Chest Infection is not so bad & she makes a good recovery The medication should start working soon Also hope your Dad is kept as comfty as he can be


    Take care


    Lots of Love & Hugs



    Thinking of you all


    Grove X X
     
  9. Dave66

    Dave66 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    78
    Jaff, you are amazing.

    Hi Jaff.
    I have been following your sad story for the last few months, I feel for your situation, the pain you are all going through is terrible.

    I just wanted to let you know that you are truly amazing, what you are doing for your parents is superhuman and very admirable, I hope I have half the strength and dedication you do during my time caring for Mam.

    All the best to you all Jaff and a big manly hug to you! :)
    Keep strong, your love for your parents will help you through this.
     
  10. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Tired

    Hi everybody...... does a rest day. Mean a stack of ironing?...... and falling a sleep. Doing it...... which I did.. can not keep my eyes open..... going to try and sleep now...... and start all over again. Tomorrow. It's mums birthday Tomorrow. Have wrapped her gifts up... hope every thing goes alright.... if it's sunny Will take her out in the garden. Can not believe it. I had hoped she would be at home now... never mind..... mum will be 89.... and on Friday it Will be my birthday..... 59......... not looking forward to this birthday.. I have no brother. Missing him badly..... dad.... really poorly.... and mum not to good. And hates the home she in...... I think I will give this birthday a miss this year
    And just try cheer mum up for hers.... then later on in the day. Go and see dad...... thanks for the hugs.... and good wishes...... it really does help. Will let you know how the day goes tomorrow. Good night. X
     
  11. Greycardi

    Greycardi Registered User

    Sep 26, 2015
    123
    Hi Jaff,
    I hope your Mum has a good day on her birthday and that the weather is nice for you. I read through your whole story this morning and it made me cry. Your parents are very lucky to have you.
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,902
    Female
    South coast
    Happy Birthday to your mum and a Happy Birthday to you for Friday. :)
    Ive just had my 59th birthday last week and it was a non-event, so I can relate. Seriously, no-one remembered. I didnt expect mum or OH to remember (and I got what I expected :rolleyes:), but I did think that my children would. But no - not a dicky bird from either! I got a late card from my brother and a text from my old boss, though, so that was something. I did take OH out on the day so that we could have lunch in a cafe to celebrate my birthday, but he thought it was his treat! Hey, ho!

    BTW - stuff the ironing. Get some rest when you can
    More (((((hugs))))) coming your way.
     
  13. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Happy (belated) birthday, Canary!!

    Many hugs and birthday wishes!!

    J xxxxx
     
  14. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Emotional.. again.

    Went to mums... got told of as I came near the end of lunch. 120. And lunch finishes 1. 30.. it's the rules you can not come at meal times.. but since it's her birthday. I'll let you in... felt like a school girl..
    No wonder mum hates this place.
    I just walked through to the garden. And said I would wait there. My. Blood was at boiling point. But kept calm. We had a few good hours out there . Mum liked her gifts. We both had a little cry.... I found a lovely photo
    Frame..... and put my brother photo in........ had a little drink....
    And the home made her a birthday cake.......... next min... please could you leave the garden. As. A rat catcher was coming to take away a rat... by that time its tea time
    .. said my good byes..... and went to see dad...... very confused to day. Tried to get him to eat ... nothing. The dinner came down cold. And my word he told them.... when it came back hot... would not touch it...... I managed to get him down a small yogurt.... which took me an hour
    ... still says he can not see well. Just bits..... so sat and held his hand and cried again..... felt empty..... I have just come in half an hour ago..... and so so tried... the one thing that kept Me going
    Is you guys.
     
  15. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Hugs Jaff x
     
  16. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    A sad read, this disease is just horrible and then on top unreasonable rules and regulations in a 'care' home. Take care.
     
  17. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    Stupid , Stupid ! !

    Hi Jaff , Am :mad: & :( on your behalf that you were told of today for arriving too visit your Mum half way thru Lunch , The Staff who let you in should never have said that too you & am sorry it did > I am a catering Assistant in a Specialist Dementia Unit & at 2 or 3 times a Month a Wife comes in at Lunch time too Visit her Husband & help** him with his meal & the Home Manger welcomes her in :) with out any problem Shame your Mum's C H was not the same ! The Manger should change her views !


    Glad your Mum enjoyed her Birthday Visit :):) & liked her Gifts Well done Jaff you are amazing ! ! Sorry your Dad's meal was cold :( no excuse it should NOT have happen ! :( but glad he had some Yoghurt

    Just a thought is he well enough do you think too chew meat etc & sallow ? or do you think if the meat or what ever was mashed up with a fork ? he would find it easier too eat ? Sorry just an idea that was all You could ask the Nursing Home Staff about that or you will know your self I guess ?


    Lots of Love & BIG HUGS ( Take Care )


    Love Grove x x
     
  18. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    A belated birthday. Canary.

    A very happy (belated birthday)canary...... with hugs...... and a thank you..... love jaff.
     
  19. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Dad on pureeď food

    Thanks for your support grove.... but they (a) took dad's teeth out..... (b)the salt term in the hospital . Told us to put dad on pureeď food....... as soon as dad see it he shouts no take it back.... will not eat it... he some times might try one spoon ful... hence last night being cold...... the carer that's looks after him says. Sometimes he will eat the pudding...... again he tried three mouth fulles. . Then said no more take it away........ he has a fridge in his room.... he points and says open.... then say little...... which he means the children's yogurt...... because it's cold he likes that... as I said in last post
    It took me an hour to get that down him....... he now so thin I can see his ribs.... it's heartbreaking...
    .
     
  20. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,902
    Female
    South coast
    Oh Jaff, its heart-breaking when they reach that stage :(

    Im glad your mum enjoyed her birthday - its a memory to treasure in the bleak stuff.
    Thank you (and jknight) for the birthday wishes. Im sorry I sounded so fed up about it - I know it goes with the territory, but we are still human.

    I cant believe that they are keeping strict visiting times. I know a lot of hospitals do this (though they usually lift it for people with dementia), but Im really surprised that a CH is following the same rules and not allowing exceptions for PWD!

    Hang on in there.
     

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