I care for mum and dad both with dementia

[Jaff]

Emotional.

Mum crying down phone. . They will not give her a shower until next week
.... then for tea..... first it was liver. Mum does not like that.... so the other which she reacevied one piece of chopped pork.... with little potato thing her words not mine... Mum thought this tea was scandalous.... and could not stop going on about it. ..... went to dad. Carer. Told he will not eat..... drink the ensure no problem. Took his fridge in so he can have his cold drink.... when we left saying he was not well. So told nurse. Have see mums social worker tomorrow... see what that brings..... I am worried sick over both of them....
..

 

[DMac]

Mum crying down phone. . They will not give her a shower until next week
.... then for tea..... first it was liver. Mum does not like that.... so the other which she reacevied one piece of chopped pork.... with little potato thing her words not mine... Mum thought this tea was scandalous.... and could not stop going on about it. ..... went to dad. Carer. Told he will not eat..... drink the ensure no problem. Took his fridge in so he can have his cold drink.... when we left saying he was not well. So told nurse. Have see mums social worker tomorrow... see what that brings..... I am worried sick over both of them....
..

Hang in there, Jaff. Hope the SW can help you. Many (((hugs))). xxx

 

[Jaff]

Angry

Social worker came.... to mum
.... going to get mum home with four carers going in every day. For everything personal care. Washing. Meds... etc...... very good. Closer to my dad..... yes..... problem... which I am angry about.... Mum can not get herself to the conmode. And pull pad down. As left hand in a brace...... while she been at this home she has not walked..... I watched in front of sw. The way they got mum out of chair.... which was wrong......... so so angry.... I am going to be back at square one..... Mum will stop drinking so she does not wet herself..... which the s w said while waiting for carers to come wee in her pad......... i took off... mum a prond lady that likes to be clean..... what was this lady talking about...... what if she wants a no 2....... oh please am I talking through my hat......... the physio. Coming out to see mum..... a new providers are coming in to look after mum...... told sw. Even thou I want mum home... she has been taught nothing in this home... who ever was in charge of mum moving did a big mistake. I asked for c. H. Near dad.. they whoever they are thought that mum would lose her in depends.... mind you.. can not wait to get out of this home. Mum fell off the bed while washing her yesterday.... and have you ever heard the likes. You have to book a shower..... going this morning to have a talk to mum..... see what we can do.... I said to school. That mum will ring me if the carers font turn up.... and she turned round to mum. And said don't ring me I got a enough on my plate... Mum thought iwas complaining... I would never never say that to mum..... she my mum. I am here to help...... that's whyso angry.... when I go today going to manager..he was not in yesterday.... sorry about rant.... I happy in one way.. but I can see problems... when I said this to s w. She said I am stressed. Out. And I am making things worse.... and that the carers will look after mum..... what happens when carers are not there.

 

[Jaff]

Sorry re reading post care res Mum will be having two. Going in four times a day.

 

[Jaff]

This beats the lot

Goes to to mum.... first thing she said went for shower this morning... oh good I say..... and mum says wait have not finished. There was no water.....? Could not believe it....... went to see manager. And asked what he had down for mums Care plan.... like I thought.... stand mum up.... make her walk with Zimmer... as far as can... with wheelchair behind........ well I told him his staff not doing that....... I waited until lunch time. The Care res had not been told..... oh the manager did go and tell the lady next inline.... but she never passed the mèssage on.... . Mum can not wait to get out......... hear with dad... and he's shouting at me saying a big bag of crips. Have been taken out of his room.... and have I brought some. Lol... have been here a hour and a half and nobody has been in th check on dad....... thank goodness the table here as when I walked in. He was giving himself a drink......

 

[Jaff]

Mum hates this place

She rang me 7'30 as a care we told her she could not got to bed. (Mum wanted a lie down as she was not feeling to good). ... I rang up and was told I will see to her now
That was a lie because when I rang up at nine. Mum still sitting in th lounge. The carerer
Where sit thing around. Mums words
I think it was a change over to night staff...... Mum asked for pain killers.
Got told there was none....... I getting myself worked up..
.. Mum said not to ring up again.... what should I do
.. I sick and tied of this ch
I don't know who to conplain. Higher than manager.... can any one help.... or am I just over worried.

 

[Jaff]

Sorry doing my post on phone. And it's changing my words
Sorry.

 

[Jaff]

Worried sick

I have had a lot of phone calls off mum..... she had a enough... asked to go to her room at six... crying down the phone. She could not stand any more...... all I could say... I would my best to get her out... the sw... did not give me her phone no..... so will have to ring bed brokage....... and to top it of they have sent me a bill.... no way I am paying.... when I rang the discharge nurse.... she said sorry it was a mistake and she rang bed brokage. And they said they would sort it out...... what else went. Wrong..... the computers. In the g. P. Crashed... as well as the chemist... could not get my meds... and my sick note..... have to do tomorrow..... my head hurts with worrying... it means I can not visit mum. Had words with manager. And I gave mums complains to him... got no where
.. please is there any one out there I can do.... to get mum home quick... the sw
Said it would be a couple days to write up care plan and hope mum comes out next week...... I feel hopeless. Tried. And worried sick.... want mum home soon as..... poor mum said I have been walking for you... so you can get me home... no pressure there..... help.....

 

[grove]

HELLO Jaff

I have had a lot of phone calls off mum..... she had a enough... asked to go to her room at six... crying down the phone. She could not stand any more...... all I could say... I would my best to get her out... the sw... did not give me her phone no..... so will have to ring bed brokage....... and to top it of they have sent me a bill.... no way I am paying.... when I rang the discharge nurse.... she said sorry it was a mistake and she rang bed brokage. And they said they would sort it out...... what else went. Wrong..... the computers. In the g. P. Crashed... as well as the chemist... could not get my meds... and my sick note..... have to do tomorrow..... my head hurts with worrying... it means I can not visit mum. Had words with manager. And I gave mums complains to him... got no where
.. please is there any one out there I can do.... to get mum home quick... the sw
Said it would be a couple days to write up care plan and hope mum comes out next week...... I feel hopeless. Tried. And worried sick.... want mum home soon as..... poor mum said I have been walking for you... so you can get me home... no pressure there..... help.....

Have been reading some of your posts ( but have not replied until today ) Am so sorry both of your Parent's have been affected by this awful illness Am not a *Expert* really about residents wanting too leave the C H ( like your Mum) How ever I do know it does take a long time for Care Plans too be written out correctly & properly etc ( Friend is a Senior Care Staff & we used too work in the same C H ) So I agree with the S Worker & next week will come round soon enough ! ! Plus I am thinking the S W , O T etc will want too make sure your Mum is safe at Home ? You have not mention this but am hoping the S W will or some body from the C H or Hospital will ?


Please try & stop feeling hopeless YOU are doing YOUR best
( on your own ) in a very difficult situation


Sorry no real advice but am sure another TP 'er will be able too help you soon So sorry you are poorly & please try & rest & sleep ( your body needs it too heal ) Very glad your meds will arrive tomorrow


Thinking of you all


LOTS OF LOVE & BIG HUGS ( Hope you feel better soon )

Love Grove x x


P S > Am pleased the Discharge Nurse admitted she had made a mistake etc & hope the bed broker not sure what they do ? Sorry & can be sorted out quickly

 

[Jaff]

Thanks

Thank you grove so much. ... for your support........ I needed a shoulder to cry on....... just with your kind words
Has made me feel little better..... Thank you..

 

[grove]

You Are Welcome

Thank you grove so much. ... for your support........ I needed a shoulder to cry on....... just with your kind words
Has made me feel little better..... Thank you..

Jaff & glad my kind words have made you feel a little better This is TP at its best ( & one of the main reasons why it was started ) was too offer each other support* & if need be a shoulder too cry on*


Hope things start too improve for you all soon


Love Grove x x

 

[grove]

How are. YOU.

Today. Jaff. ? Hope the. Medication works & you start too feel better in your self very soon Also hope you have more positive news about your Mum & her return. Home. Very soon. > have been thinking. Jaff. Might be very helpful for you if you contact the A Society phone. Helpline. Or your local A Society Office Phone Numbers etc on the A Society web page. They will be able too support you with any problems etc. & especially when you speak too the C H manager. & they dismissed your concerns. & worries. Etc ( as you said in yesterday"s post)

Hope you have a better day today

Love. Grove. X.

 

[Jaff]

Tried to rest

I tried I really did..... and all I did was sob.... and sob..... where it all came from I don't know........ when I felt a little better rang dad's home....... still not eating..... but drinking ok......... mums home I could not get a answer...... mums mobile battery must of died..... when I eventually got through .... Mum confused..... so that tells me she was a sleep...... no good talking to her until she comes around... had a little chat. And said will see her in the morning........ Mum told me she had a few crys today..... told her will soon have her out... the manager never told Me she had been crying.... thanks grove.... please forgive me being late on here .. just not myself today..... please I must be thick.... as I don't know a social.? I am sorry..... .. I promise I will pull myself together tomorrow........ many thanks grove

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Jaff
I hope you got some rest last night
you're in an almost impossible situation, so no wonder you needed a good cry
and it's not strange that your mum might be tearful at times, too - if she was having a nap, though, she is comfortable enough there to relax at times, so maybe let the staff care for her while she is there, to save your energy
and maybe take some more time to rest yourself - you'll be in a pickle if your mum comes home and you are too exhausted to support her

you are not 'thick' - but I think your phone has garbled the message at that point, so I'm not sure what your concern was

best wishes to you, your mum and your dad

PS the helpline is just that, really helpful
0300 222 1122 open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, and from 10am - 4pm at weekends.

 

[Jaff]

Need a hug.

Dad gone worse... organs. Are slowly closing down... got told today.... I feel helpless... don't know what to do.. it's mums birthday on Monday. Do I bring her on that day or after.. I am thinking.. it would upset her to see dad as in the way he looks.... nothing of him.... thinking it might upset her more seeing him on her birthday. Will definitely get her to see dad... just don't know when. Mum not well. Chest infection. .... the home she is in is hopeless. Saw nurses. Today and they helped me get some antibodies for the weekend.. sitting Here beside Dad. With a big lump in my throat.

 

[Shedrech]

oh Jaff
you are doing all that can be done - you are being there for your dad, holding his hand on his journey
and visiting your mum to show her you care

if she has a chest infection, I'm not sure it would be advisable to be moving her, though it's good that she's now on antibiotics - maybe chat with the staff where your dad is and ask what they think?

you are being pulled in so many directions, my heart goes out to you

every best wish to you, your dad and your mum

 

[grove]

So. Sorry.

Dad gone worse... organs. Are slowly closing down... got told today.... I feel helpless... don't know what to do.. it's mums birthday on Monday. Do I bring her on that day or after.. I am thinking.. it would upset her to see dad as in the way he looks.... nothing of him.... thinking it might upset her more seeing him on her birthday. Will definitely get her to see dad... just don't know when. Mum not well. Chest infection. .... the home she is in is hopeless. Saw nurses. Today and they helped me get some antibodies for the weekend.. sitting Here beside Dad. With a big lump in my throat.

Jeff your. Dad is so very poorly. Sorry am rushing too Work. Lots of. Big. Hugs & holding your hand. Thinking of you.

Please , please. Do not let your Mum. Visit your Dad. It would.only make her upset. Etc.


Love & Hugs.

Grove ..X x x. X

 

[jknight]

So sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad two years ago so know what you are going through. Your mum must be such a worry as well. I think you are doing fantastically well under very difficult circumstances. Be kind to yourself and know that there are many TPers walking side by side with you x

 

[canary]

Oh jaff, Im so sorry to hear that both your parents are poorly
You cant be everywhere, so do what you can and dont feel guilty about the rest
(((hugs))))

 

[Jaff]

Thank you

Thank you all
For your kind words.. but mostly your hugs.... I so need them at the moment.. love jaff