I cant work this out at all

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Helena, May 24, 2006.

  1. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    My Mother will not go near the doctors , thinks everyone else is mad not her
    If I contacted her doctor theres no way she would answer the door to him

    found out she had not paid her credit card bill for 4 months .......took 2 hours of persistant trying to get her to sign a cheque she kept asking about this that and the other charge , refused to understand you cant just not pay ....claimed they never worried before

    Heaven knows if other household bills have been paid

    Its possible to have perfectly lucid conversations but in between she suddenly goes off at a tangent and what she says is incoherent

    If you challenge her about something she says "forget it " quite aggressively

    If you take her to the supermarket she wont let you step out of her sight
    At home she follows you around suspicous about everything
    Theres no way she would let social services etc into the house
    She is insistant that she is not leaving her home

    Yet she can barely walk , has been stopped from driving , refuses to accept the car is worth virtually nothing because its damaged " something came up from the road and hit her" but you cant get any info about the accident .......more likely several

    Theres no way at all she will sign an EPA

    She is so deaf its a waste of time trying to phone her

    She never phones us

    Nearest bus stop is too far ......she is so often totally unable to remember/ gather together the correct words for anything that she certainly could not order a taxi or Dial a ride service because they are unlikely to know who she is where she lives or where she wants to go

    She claims imaginary people are outside in the road ganging up on her or that " the boys are in the house"

    Yet with all of this she can still seem to all and sundry percfectly lucid

    Totally insistant that the gardening girl must not use any tools but Mothers

    As fast as I think she has Alzheimers or Vascular dementia ( she has been on BP pills for 20 years ) but then she can be so lucid i just do not know anymore

    She just does not seem to fit the picture others paint on this forum but maybe it is me who is mad !!!

    The only way I can see forward to be able to deal with her property and finances is to go to court of protection for receivership but that seems so extreme

    Any ideas please
  2. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi helena

    welcome to tp! this sounds a bit of a nightmare. there are people around here who will be able to advise on some of the practical things much better than me, but your comment about not fitting the picture, and about mum being perfectly lucid sometimes and then going incoherent strikes a chord with me.

    have you come across Lewy Body Dementia? a lot of people who's loved ones are eventually diagnosed with LBD say that the people they're caring for don't fit the 'typical' (OK there isn't really a typical .... but) picture. one of the 'typical' features of LBD is the huge variability in terms of how lucid someone is, especially in the early stages. I found that terrible difficult to cope with with my dad. He was diagnosed with LBD in February this year. Before that it was really difficult because sometimes dad was very confused and in a mess and I'd phone the GP, but then by the time s/he came out to see him dad was fine again and I'd wonder if it was me that was mad (and I was afraid the GP was wondering that too!).

    I think imaginary people and very vivid hallucinations are also typical of LBD, though this might be true of other dementias too.

    i think there's info about LBD on the alzheimers site, but also you might check out:



    hope to see you around again soon

  3. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Not so unusual

    Hi Helena, and welcome to TP. It sounds like a very difficult time for you, so I hope that between us we can help and support you.

    Your situation sounds fairly much like me and my Mother about a year ago - Mum has predominantly vascaular dementia, hadn't been reliably taking her BP pills (this is something to check, and surely she wouldn't refuse a doctor wanting to see her to check her blood pressure take measurements? It's how I got the ball rolling with mine in the end), and had a series of mini-strokes. Her condition can be very fluctuating from day to day - stressful situations or moments have disproportionate on her ability to handle even simple tasks, if she's in a bad mood or down she's also far worse and gets aggressive (as the world won't conform to her wishes and let her manage in it).

    Like yours, my Mum was adamant that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her, we were all liars and thieves who were after her money, stealing from her - and, later on, letting all those strange black family live in her bathroom. An anti-pyschotic (prescribed to her without her knowing what it was for) did help a little, but you'll have to live with smoke and mirror activity to get to getting the prescription.

    Ultimately, you're going to need outside help and soon, as I'm afraid the chances are that the situation isn't going to approve.

    Can you speak, or have you already spoken, to her doctor? The GP is usually the first entry into the whole support process, and it will help if he is aware of the situation and your concerns: tell him as much as you can and make it clear that you're extremely concerned. If I were you, I'd also speak to your local AS branch and seek their advice. This resistance to support - which will be seen not just as interference but undermining her claim to be able to cope - is not uncommon and the 'professionals' should be experiencing in dealing with this and working round it.

    Is there no kind of diagnosis at all as yet? As soon as you manage to work your wa through getting 'into the sstem' and can get a diagnosis, people can take steps to try to make life better for all concerned. (Bear in mind you may need medical support for an EPA anyway - start with the support services rather than the legal ones; a lawyer can't provide psychiatric care or support if that's the really pressing issue.

    But do try to get these balls rolling if you can - youneed support and your Mum will need more than your help as things progress. The sooner you can get this started, the better it can be in place when it's really needed.

    Keep posting and telling us more, and do let us know how you're getting on: like many others here, I think I have a pretty good idea how you're feeling, and I do hope you can make life better for both you and Mum before too long.

  4. shauny

    shauny Registered User

    Oct 27, 2005
    north-east england

    Hi Helena, i would echo what has already been said. Go to your mum's g.p. tell him the issues and ask him to refer to the psychiatric team for an assessment and social services for a social work assessment. Also if there is a local alzheimers support group get them involved. I wish you all the best and let us know how u get on. Shauny.
  5. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    Its all very well saying get the GP involved but she will not go near him and it seems although I dont know because i do not live near at all that her BP meds just get delivered by repeat prescription

    I do not even know her GPs name but she sees him as the reason her driving licence was stopped ........when in reality someone must have contacted DVLA
    I cant even discover if she was even called for a test or to see a doctor

    Secretive is not the word for my mother

    Theres no way on earth she will have Social services involved never mind lock boxes and people telling her when they will come in and get her up etc
    and I cant just drop everything and run i have a sick husband as it is not that she will co operate with me

    My Mother despite her confused and incoherent states manages to have a short sharp answer for everything and the lies change from day to day

    All suggestions are poo pooed , she will not face reality or the problems

    The neighbours say she should not be living on her own but she would be totally impossible to live with

    I had thought it was TIAs but somehow things do not add up

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