1. grimsby28

    grimsby28 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2008
    31
    grimsby
    today i just cant seem to stop crying i have read all the things you have said to me and the advice you have given me and i am truely grateful to you all but i still feel so guilty about doing whats best for my mum i know in my own heart she is so sad i can see it on her face how can i do this to her putting her in a care home when i promised i wouldnt my head aches so much and my heart i have had all day to myself as she been at memory clinic you would think i would be happy but i am not i am so sad
     
  2. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    BIG HUGS
    You sound so down please don't feel so guilty we all can only do so much and the time will come to us all, I wish I could come and give you a proper hug as virtual ones are the same.
    your mum will not remember your promise and once she is in the home and settled I'm sure she will understand you had no choice, please don't be to hard on your self
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,568
    Kent
    Dear Grimsby,

    Sometimes we make promises not knowing how impossible they will be to keep. No-one can anticipate how dementia will develop. Please try not to feel so guilty, sad and very upset yes, but not guilty.

    Your tears are for your mother because it`s so heartbreaking to see her deterioration. When you are with her you try to put on your brave and happy face. When she is away from home you can let your true feeling out. That is why you`ve been crying all day.

    I`m so sorry.

    Love xx
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Grimsby, I rmember being in that state a few years ago, feeling I couldn't cope any more.

    All I had to do was pick up the phone and tell someone how I was feeling. And that's all you have to do.

    No-one wants your health to break down, that's not going to help anyone, certainly not your mum. Who would care for her then?

    You promised your mum you'd look after her, but you would still be looking after her if you found the best possible care for her. You wouldn't be breaking your promise. You wouldn't feel guilty if she had to go to hospital; a care home is no different. Your mum needs more care than you can give her, and you would be doing the best thing by finding the best possible care.

    Please ask for help, it's there for you, but you have to ask.

    Love and hugs,
     

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