I can't do this............

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Skye, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Sorry Hazel, only just able to catch up with things.

    Glad that you have got John's uti (if that is what it is) being treated. Can understand you feeling fed up, cross and disappointed over the 'supposed' care.

    Don't they ever realise that you just cannot wait all day for help, especially when you are dealing with vulnerable people UGH!!.

    Do hope that tonight is an easier night for you, and that care arrives at the appropriate hour tomorrow.

    Just visited Lionel, yes, you guessed it he has another uti. However this was spotted very early, and antibotics sought, so things are not so bad this end.

    Thinking of you, love
     
  2. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    777
    North Wales
    Am so sorry Hazel, that I haven't posted as I do not know what to say as I have no such experience to call on.

    But when I read this thread, it reveals what caring truly is: selfless dedication.

    Hope you can feel the love coming to you Hazel
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    #103 Skye, Sep 1, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2007
    Thank you Cliff and Connie, I need all the love I can get just now.

    Had another traumatic afternoon. John suddenly appeared downstairs in his pjs and bare feet. I sat him in his chair and tucked him up in a duvet.

    All went well until he decided it was time to go back to bed. I aid to wait and have something to eat and his pills first. I'd made some chicken soup this afternoon, and went and heated some for him. When I went back in, he was on the floor again. He'd decided to go to bed!

    I tried everything to get him up, and my neck's killing me again. No good, he was a dead weight, wouldn't help me at all. In the end I phoned step-son, and he came and got John up and to bed. Took his pills, but no soup.

    We'd just got him up when the door bell rang, last night's carer! She knew what had happened this morning, and wanted to sort things out. I said (again) that 10 am was absolutely no good to me, worse than useless.

    She has promised to come at 8 tomorrow, and will see if she can alter her schedule for next week. I've made it plain that I do want help, but 10 am is of no help at all.

    John is now asleep, I hope his latest adventure will make him sleep tonight!

    PS Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. I don't think we'll be celebrating!
     
  4. Whiskas

    Whiskas Registered User

    Oct 17, 2006
    158
    Corby
    Hazel I'm so sorry things aren't working out. I know when I had agency carers to sit with Mum they didn't have any travelling time in between appointments so if anything slowed them up it had a knock on effect for everybody else. Very unfair for both sides I thought. We now have direct payments and employ our neighbour to sit with Mum. It might be something for you to consider when you have caught up on enough sleep to be able to think about it!
    Hope you have some sleep tonight will be thinking of you when I'm awake. Take care.
    Cathyxx
     
  5. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Hazel

    Week days we had a council, employed carer for my parents. She was brilliant, but on weekends, holidays or the regular carers days of, we had agency carers.

    I'm sorry to say but they were worse than useless, although well meaning.

    They believed Mum when, she told them, that she had had breakfast, taken her medications and given Dad his medication:eek:

    5 Mins later they were out the door, having signed the log, Betty & Alex fed and given Meds:(

    I only wonder about elderly clients who don't have anyone to check these things.

    At least John has you.

    Take care of yourself, please make the most of your respite, it is worth trying.

    Alfjess
     
  6. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Hi Hazel,I am just catching up at this time of day!I am so glad you gave the carer a mouthful,whats the bloody use of having a carer attend when the works been done?Thats the whole point of a carer isn't it?to take the stress off you!not for you to do the work.sorry but i am incensed by it as i am sure you are.I know they have others to attend to,but if they are going to be late why not ring and let you know?its a good job you were there or the poor man would have been left to lie in urine for 4 hours!Pressure sore factors must come in to this also.does he have pressure relief equipment?please let me knoe love elainex:mad:
     
  7. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Another bad night. John's worst time seems to be the small hours of the morning. I went to bed at 10.30 last night, and he woke me at 12.30 trying to get up. I spent the rest of the night fighting to keep him in bed, because I knew if he got up he'd end up on the floor.

    He's not getting any better, but apparently if the infection is well-established it can take five days for the antibiotics to take effect. I just hope it is the infection, otherwise he's going to be in an EMI unit before long. He's shaking, jerking, can't stand, and is a dead weight. He also looks severely demented.

    All this in a fortnight. It was only two weeks since I was able to leave him to go to London. It's unbelievable.

    On the plus side, the carer came punctually at 8, and is coming back at 12.30 to change him.

    On the negative side, step-son is not available today, so if John falls again it'll have to be the paramedics again. I'll have to try and keep him in bed.

    It's hell, isn't it?

    Love,
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,917
    Kent
    This rapid deterioration is frightening. If it`s because of the UTI, that`s one thing, but if not.........?

    I`m so sorry Hazel, you are living a nightmare.

    Love xx
     
  9. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Oh Hazel, I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time - I truly wish I had some magical advice that could help you.

    I just wanted you to know that you're in my thoughts.

    ((((HUGS))))

    Kate P
    XXX
     
  10. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hazel, am going to ask you to try to be really positive here.

    Yes your dear John's deteriation has been very, very rapid this week, and I know your fears regarding the prognosis of his illness. It must be awful for you to be battling the desease on all fronts at this time.

    However, infections, changes in meds, can also all bring about these rapid developements. Not good. Would not suggest that everything is down to John's Uti, but it can increase the dementia symptons tenfold.

    Stay strong sweetheart, you will get some of your old John back.
    Think it is time for a group hug.
     

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  11. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Thinking of you and John, Hazel. Watching the deterioration is frightening, especially because it's happening so fast. Take heart though, some of it may be down to the infection, as Connie says.

    Here's hoping for improvement soon so that you can get some rest and relief from the intense worrying too.

    Love, Tina x
     
  12. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Joining in with the virtual hug - really feeling for you.

    Is there such a thing as Carelink with you? We pay £6+ per week for this service (attached to Social Services but separate). For this a device is fixed to phone plus a corded 'button'. If D falls I just press and they are here within 10 mins. - a Godsend when it happens cos they have special devices to help him get up (no one has to lift). I went ahead with this as it was a nightmare waiting for para's when we were not classed as 'emergency' (once it was 2 hrs).

    Sorry to ramble but it might put your mind at rest if such a service exists. V easy to instal here.

    I do hope it is the UTI - I know the turnaround, once treated can be remarkable - but 5 days is one hell of a long time when you are stressed.

    Daft thing to say but 'take care' Jan
     
  13. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Thanks for the group hug, much appreciated (and needed).

    Have had visitors all afternoon -- nice of people to care, but I had planned to cuddle up with John and hopefully have a snooze! (Ungrateful cow!) Also wondering when I'll have time to wash my hair, before it all drops out!

    Jan, the agency the carers are from have a system, the carer was telling me about it, she's going to get me the info tomorrow.

    Just waiting for the nurse to help me change John for the night, it's the one I had a row with, so I hope she doesn't give me any hassle.

    Love to all,
     
  14. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Just lots of hugs and best wishes zooming your way.
    Jan
     
  15. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    777
    North Wales
    Dear Hazel

    Will be thinking of you this evening

    Love
     
  16. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Thinking of you, Hazel. Hang in there.
    Blue sea
     
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,424
    Dear Hazel,

    I hope the fact that you haven't been on this evening means that after the carer had got John to bed, you tucked yourself up as well.

    Thinking of you

    Love
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Sorry, no.:(

    The carer took one look at John and said he should be in hospital. He was feverish and shaking, and she tought he might have a seizure.

    Just got back from the hospital -- five hours between A&E and admission to ward. Very poor. Hope I manage to get to the next dementia panel meeting!!!!!!

    The doc thinks it's still the UTI, and not anything neurological, but he's going to test for everything. John is very very ill. I hope they manage to sort it out before he picks up anything else.

    Off to bed now, see you in the morning.

    Love and thanks,
     
  19. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,424
    Oh goodness Hazel: that was my other thought, but didn't want to mention it for fear of jinxing you. Try to get a good nights sleep, though I realise that might be difficult.

    Love
     
  20. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,917
    Kent
    Dear Hazel.

    This has been coming, hasn`t it. You have tried so hard to keep John at home, but it wasn`t to be.

    I hope you slept.

    I`m so, so sorry.

    Love to John

    Love to you xx
     

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