I can't do this............

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Well, it's good news, I think! We've got the authorisation for free personal care, and EMI addition, so John can be transferred to the NH of choice as soon as the contract can be drawn up.

What has surprised me is that the contract will be with the council, even though we'll be self-funding apart from the above. This means that the NH can only charge the council their maximum, and the council will bill me. NH can't impose top-ups, or raise fees willy-nilly. Their published charge is considerably higher than the council maximum, and I'd assumed we'd have to pay the extra. It's going to cost much less than I expected.

While visiting John in hospital this afternoon, John decided he needed the toilet, and started to get out of bed. I rang for a nurse, and helped her walk him through, and supported him while she cleaned him. That has totally convinced me that I couldn't possibly manage him on my own. He still has the infection.

I'm still very sad about it, but I've realised it's inevitable.

Just fingers crossed that the information I was given this afternoon is correct, it sounds too good to be true!
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi Hazel

this is excellent news.

I know you are north of the border and things are different, but we have been blessed with NHS Continuing Care for Jan and, realising the costs involved, it always seems as if the Goody Fairy has seen our plight and waved her wand.
it sounds too good to be true
ditto the Continuing Care - but it has been there for us now since 2001.

Keeping fingers crossed for you both.
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Hiya Hazel,
Fingers and everything else crossed for you.

Sadness? Part of the price we pay for loving and caring.
Thinking of you and John as you start this new part of your lives.
Love helen
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Yes, my fingers crossed for you too.

The 'going to toilet' episode has at least convinced you that you just cannot cope. Once John is settled into whatever NH then I hope you have less stress and, therefore, more pleasant times with him.

It is hard to believe that this has happened so quickly.

Take care - thinking about you. Jan
 

blue sea

Registered User
Aug 24, 2005
270
England
Glad you are feeling so much more confident and positive about your difficult decision, Hazel. The financial situation is one of the many benefits of living in Scotland! It may take a little time for John to settle in his new home, but he will, and you will feel so much more relaxed and less stressed. You will be able to regain some of your own life too, which I am sure John would want for you. The time is right now for you and John to move on to this next stage in your lives together.
Blue sea
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Thank you all. I think John's month in hospital may have helped him settle more quickly, though I suppose the move will upset him. He's not asking to come home any more, and is happy to see me every afternoon.

I'm not ready to think about moving on at the moment, though I think I've got used to having the house to myself. I lived alone for 14 years before John and I married, so I'm used to it. I don't want to think about holidays yet though, I still want to see John every day. Although I suppose that will come. At the moment I'm making the most of the extra time to sort out our much-neglected house and garden.

Love to all,
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
At the moment I'm making the most of the extra time to sort out our much-neglected house and garden.
I could do with some help in my garden :D when you got the time (only Joking )

pleased to read that thing are falling in to place with John care & your feeling more positive about it

big ((((hug)))) from me to you xx
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Hazel
thinking about you at this time.
You are finding as I have that there are many things that you can do now that you have the time.
I am still very unhappy and missing Peg,but I try to fill my days from getting up untill bedtime.
The only way I can survive.
Norman
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Norman said:
I am still very unhappy and missing Peg,but I try to fill my days from getting up untill bedtime.
Norman, you're doing so well. And from your posts, you're finding like me the value of good friends to provide motivation.

Thank you for your message.

Love,
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Norman said:
I am still very unhappy and missing Peg,but I try to fill my days from getting up untill bedtime.
The only way I can survive.
Norman
Thinking of you, Norman, as you try to adjust to life without Peg.

I remember my uncle saying, after my aunt had died, the evenings and nights were the most difficult, and returning to an empty house...he too filled his days as well as he could, and relatively quickly too after the funeral. But the loneliness must have been overwhelming for him at times.

The unhappiness and the missing bit will always be there, but I do hope things like going to a football match, meeting and keeping in touch with friends and family, and other things you enjoy doing help you fill the days. And I hope there are many rays of sunshine to brighten them for you too. I know life won't ever be the same, but I wish you many happy moments and kind people around you that make you smile amid the sadness.

All the best.
Tina
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Hazel,

fingers crossed that John can move into the home of your choice.

Wishing you strength and courage to cope with this new stage in both your lives.

I don't really have any profound or helpful words here, but just wanted to say thinking of you both and sending love and hugs.

Tina xx
 

Taffy

Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
1,314
Dear Hazel,
I can relate to your anguish and words of comfort are hard to find. I do feel that the love and devotion that you have for John along with your inner strength will somehow see you through. Caring Thoughts Taffy.
 

mojofilter

Registered User
May 10, 2006
130
St.Helens
Thinking about everyone who are coming to terms with life without having a loved one at home.....

My mum's been in a great home since March and I still miss her so much but I just couldn't cope anymore. I'm still getting over the mental and physical strain of caring for my mum but I'm 100% better than I was ....

Just take it one day at a time ......

Paul
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Well the decision's made, but it doesn't get any easier.

The sister from the EMI unit came to hospital this afternoon to talk to us, and she wants to transfer John on Thursday.

But -- over the last couple of days John has shown marked improvement. His mobility has improved enormously, though he's still not very steady. And he's no longer showing signs of aggression.

I also saw the psychiatric liaison nurse, and told him how uncertain I was. He said John will continue to have good days and bad days, and he thought I should go ahead with the transfer.

But I'm still terrible uncertain.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Skye - how difficult for you. I believe earlier you said you thought the psychiatric nurse was very good and supportive. No one can tell you how to react in these circumstances, but maybe you have to give it a whirl. It has been said before in posts - nothing is in stone - if it does not work out you can change things.

I suspect it is very normal to be feeling uncertain at this stage. I just cannot imagine how it feels.

Take care Jan
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Dear Hazel, can well understand your uncertainty.

You have to know just how much of a care package would/could be put in place were you to consider having John back with you .

I have been in your situation, and after I brought Lionel home I was able to continue for another 9 months. (Care package helped , even though we had to fund it all ourselves)

It was a lot of hard work, as no package gives you cover all the time, and I had many 'dark' days, but for me twas the best thing I ever did.

Nine extra months of time together and when the time came for Lionel to go away, this time permanently, I was able to see it was for the best. No guilt, no regrets. Just my situation.

Thinking of you, and feel sure you will make the right decision for you and John.

Take care, love
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Pleased to read that John mobility has improved enormously

The sister from the EMI unit came to hospital this afternoon to talk to us, and she wants to transfer John on Thursday.
Have you found a care home that you like that John going to be transfer to .

mojofilter Nice to see you on TP , been a long time thanks for the update
but I'm 100% better than I was .
that good new to read :)
 

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