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I cant do it anymore

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
Radcliffe on Trent
Hello Lindsey and Ioza. My mum passed away in her sleep on Saturday morning. I had not seen her for a day or so but for at least the last two weeks I have not been sure if she knew we were there and each time When leaving I have wondered if it would be the last time. Two days before she had seen my sister and two weeks before that my brother; they both live a long way away and it almost seemed that she was waiting until they could visit before slipping away.

Keeping the vigil is the hardest thing, but when the end finally comes you will know you have done everything you could. This quote kept running through my mind....Oliver Cromwell said it before the battle of Naseby. Our battles are very different, but just as hard.

Oh that I might know, the end of this day's business ere it starts. But it suffices that the day will end, and then the end is known.
 

Rathbone

Registered User
May 17, 2014
2,264
West Sussex
My loving thoughts to all of you who have lost a loved one and all those who are keeping a vigil still. Heartfelt understanding to you all. X Shelagh:)
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,440
East Coast of Australia
Sorry for your loss Lindsey. I'm glad your son will have those last memories of your mother showing her droll sense of humour. It is so important, if we can, to remember the true essence of the person instead of what they had become due to their illness.

Sue.
 
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lindsey60

Registered User
Nov 6, 2013
8
So a few weeks on now..husband thinks I should be over it by now....but Im not over it...Im struggling every day....I miss my mum...dementia or no dementia I still miss her...I just wish I could scoop her up in my arms and cuddle her...when we deal with this disease we all hope they will be out of their misery sooner rather than later...but when they are gone its hard to let go...I just wish I could have one last cuddle one last hold...so if you have the chance take that last cuddle and embrace that last hold....you never know when that last moment will come :'(
 

elizabeth20

Registered User
Dec 28, 2013
36
Hi Lindsey I was about to try very hard to have some hard to find sleep when I read this and just felt that someone ought to respond. So very sorry to hear of your loss.

My dad died over 10 years ago and I'm not over it yet, mum is in the mid to late stages of AD and I have had the most terrible day with her and my husband looked bored in the telling of it! A great guy who is a rock most of the time but it's tough on them too to see you struggle on perhaps he just wants his wife back I know my husband has hardly seen me in 7 months and then all I seem to do is talk about my mum-it isn't easy.

You are so right about the hugs, we're not a tactile family at all nor were my parents but I always give mum a kiss on the cheek before I go and cuddle her often as she gets very frightened. I found it quite easy once I started and it broke down some barriers as she was always a bit of a tough nut to crack!

Please seek out some bereavement counselling it really does help I didn't access any after dad died and then had a major meltdown 5 years on. I got help through my GP. My husband didn't understand at the time but after each session I would share with him a little bit of what was touched on during the session and he seemed to understand more and was quite supportive-some men find it difficult to express sympathy and understanding be honest and share your feelings with him - if you can't then you've come to the right place for help and loads of support.

Sending you a big hug x
 

Rathbone

Registered User
May 17, 2014
2,264
West Sussex
Sending a big hug Lindsey and a wish for peace in your heartache. Allow yourself to grieve as long as you need; there is no set time and no set way, what helps you best is all that matters. Know that your Mum is just a little way ahead and although you cannot feel her, you surely know she is there; peaceful and free of pain and turmoil. Take heart, all will be well. X Love Shelagh:)
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,440
East Coast of Australia
I grieved for at least a year after my Mum died, then the worst pain eased off. Now it is two years and two months since my husband Ray died, two years since Mum died and I am sad some times but not to the extent that I was at first. Everything takes time to process but I think a sense of loss will always be a part of my life and I am sure of yours too.
 

Leolady56

Registered User
Aug 9, 2014
44
South Africa
My mum is now end stage..has been for a couple months. She doesnt talk..doesnt eat...doesnt do anything really other than drink...she doesnt know anyone..just sits and stares into space....I love her to bits but I just cant go in anymore and watch her fade away...Im disabled myself and am struggling...I m going down hill rapidly....what do I do ? the guilt Im feeling is horrendous...but how do I make it ok for her and me ??
Lindsey, there is a time for us to be born and there is a time for us to move on to heaven. Your dear Mom is nearing her own time to go so though this might sound cold and heartless - try to see your dear Mom as someone who's body is totally worn out and the kindest thing which can happen for her is for her soul to be freed from her old, worn out body. I am sure that practically every professional will tell you that once folks who have such late state Alzheimers as your Mom - even though she is still sitting in front of you physically - her journey to take her through to the other side is already underway so don't feel bad or be so hard on yourself. Your mom is going through a very natural process and it sounds to me as if you have cared and loved her very, very much so perhaps it's time for you to 'let go and let God' I send warmest hugs to you because you sound as if you can really do those during this really difficult part of your life. They are only cyber hugs but please accept them as if they are the real deal. xoxo
 

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