I can't deal with this any more

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by kennyuk, Dec 13, 2006.

  1. sassycurls

    sassycurls Registered User

    Apr 11, 2006
    3
    cheshire
    I know it's hard

    Hi Kenny my heart goes out to you.I am in a similar situation and it hurts.I have battled with social services.What use are they?? If you are willing to do put up with it they will let you carry on. The louder you shout the better treatment you get. I wish I was on the money the Mental Health doctors get cause do they really know what each individual is going through???

    My mum is 80 and has always smoked. I was told go to the doctors put her on patches and she can go to a day clinic???? Hello (who put the o in hell?) as if. These people put a test in front of a client and on a good day capable of guessing get it right and suddenly you the carer are the one who is made to feel crazy. Oh and social services said do I really need a break from looking after her. In despare myself hope you get things sorted xxxx
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Keeny Your father must have a social worker within the mental heath team ? talk to his CPN dose he have one ? or a social worker ? as its them you got to talk about getting the funding for your father to go in a care home .

    Your father will not have to forwards his care, his Attendances allowances and his pension pay for it, if thats all his income and the local authority pays the rest
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,700
    Kent
    Dear Kenny, Forgive me but I think you are expecting too much too soon. Your father has, only within the last week , been sectioned, and now you`re talking to him about moving to a care home.

    I know you`ve been through the mill, but may I suggest you let the medics try to stabilize your dad to start with, before you introduce the idea of any further moves. He is not going to know whether he is coming or going.

    I understand you love him and I understand how it must hurt you to see him unhappy, not enjoying his environment and not feeling at ease in the company of others. But Kenny, was he happy at home? From all your posts before he was sectioned, I would say you were all very unhappy and your father was a major cause of that unhappiness.

    Please be patient. Please look after yourself. Please don`t give your dad false hope. Please forgive me if I`ve spoken out of turn. Sylvia
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #44 Margarita, Dec 21, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2006
    Yes Sylvia understand that feeling of wanting to make mum happy in her surrounding , I even took my mother to Gibraltar then back and still she did not feel happy at any given environment , but was always wanting me to find it for her , but thinking back it was my mother herself that could not find it within herself ,and me wanting to find it for her , now she use to living with me and things have settle down with the help of medication , yes let thing settle down where you father is now , it be hard emotional for you I know as I use to feel like that , but did not have the great advice people on TP can give you like Sylvia (Grannie G) has.
     
  5. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    Dad's been kicked out of his single room, and placed on a ward, the nursing staff say this is to "assess" him more properly. Dad is out of his mind now with worry about the people he's sharing with. I found him ranting, and cursing about everyone, including me.

    I suggested they could have locked him out of his room during the day, and insisted he sit in the day room, then at least at night he could have had some realitive peace to sleep in his own room. But of course, for their own reasons, that's not possible.
    I've told them I want my objections placed in his notes.

    Is this supposed to help him ? To force a shy, private, man to share with unpredicable stangers (who also have problems of course) when he's so upset, & vunrable ?
    Of course anyone who can make decisions is now off enjoying Christmas until at least Wednesday, I hope the bastards choke on their dinner.

    This is the hob-nail boot end of "care". If this experience hurts dad any more than he is already, i'll kick up the biggest stink they have ever seen.
     
  6. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    oh dear Kenny ........ this is turning into a bit of a nightmare for you isn't it. I think it's ever so difficult to leave a parent (or anyone else you care for) in the care of other people, especially when they seem so vulnerable. I remember my dad going through a really paranoid phase ....... he was convinced the carers were setting fire to the place and trying to burn them all alive. It's hard to stay on friendly, calm terms with carers when your loved one believes that about them.

    of course it's always possible that nurses/ carers / doctors have malign intentions towards people, and it's probable that most of them have bad days every now and then. But, having worked in the health service for years, i think the probability is that on the whole, most of the intentions are good, or at least not bad.

    It's a horrid time of year to be needing help. My dad rarely got into crises but the main two times he did were around this time of year. He was in hospital over the millenium, just drifting really ...... because there was no one around to sort out home care. Having said that ........ I've just broken up for 2 weeks, completely exhausted, wishing equally exhausted colleagues also get a good rest.

    try to keep acting positive with the staff ....... even if you want them to choke ...... it'll be better for you and your dad in the long run i think ;)
     
  7. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    Dad seems to be more calm & stable now, but he is not on any medication, and they are talking about him coming home.
    I don't know what to do, i'm terrified that there will be a repeat of what happened in December.
    I'm feeling a pressure from social "services" and dad himself, he wants to come home now, but up until two days agos he was adamant that he wanted to go into a care home.

    I have such a pressure on me again, and I really feel that I won't be able to cope with him at home, but I feel so guilty.
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #48 Margarita, Feb 14, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2007

    I Look after my brother who has Scizophrenia and my mother who has AZ at home with me .

    Is your brother liveing with you ?

    I could not look after both of them so I had to put my foot down with
    With the mental heath team , or they would of left me get on with looking after both of them , I had to put my mother in to emergency respite for 3 mouths while they sorted out housing support for my brother , when they did my mother came home .


    With you it’s the other way around I think if you care for your brother at home, I had the support of my mother SW in pushing for housing support for my brother , so mum could come home , if I said I did not want my mother home they would never of help me in getting my brother housing surport and I would still be looking after both of them .


    Talk to your brother CPN get him on your side , them telling SW that no way mentally can you look after both of them , don’t let your father SW intermediate you because of all the stress guilty your feeling about putting your father in care , your doing the right thing keeping him there , its inhumanly mentality imposable for you to care for both of them , I should no as I nearly a mental break down looking after both of them and feeling guilty of not putting my brother over my mother , but I know my brother needs more help then I could give him .

    and if my mother got like your father with the anger I would consider puting her in a home , but my mother is on medcation so the anger stop and still its hard as she can get angery at me with just cuting her nails, but its not to bad
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london

    I Look after my brother who has Scizophrenia and my mother who has AZ at home with me .

    Is your brother liveing with you ?

    I could not look after both of them so I had to put my foot down with
    With the mental heath team , or they would of left me get on with looking after both of them , I had to put my mother in to emergency respite for 3 mouths while they sorted out housing support for my brother , when they did my mother came home .


    With you it’s the other way around I think if you care for your brother at home, I had the support of my mother SW in pushing for housing support for my brother , so mum could come home , if I said I did not want my mother home they would never of help me in getting my brother housing surport and I would still be looking after both of them .


    Talk to your brother CPN get him on your side , them telling SW that no way mentally can you look after both of them , don’t let your father SW intermediate you because of all the stress guilty your feeling about putting your father in care , your doing the right thing keeping him there , its inhumanly mentality imposable for you to care for both of them , I should no as I nearly a mental break down looking after both of them and feeling guilty of not putting my brother over my mother , but I know my brother needs more help then I could give him .

    and if my mother got like your father with the anger I would consider puting her in a home , but my mother is on medcation so the anger stop and still its hard as she can get angery just cuting her nails .

    My brother could never undertand my mother ilness , so they would both set each other of , it was crazy and me in the middle , the only one that could see outside the box . no way could I have carryed on looking after both of them
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,700
    Kent
    Dear Kenny, You are obviously being expected to do far more than you can. You must put your foot down.

    Could you suggest your dad goes into a home for convalescence, ie as a half way house. That might get him to agree, and hopefully if he settles, his stay could be made permanent.

    Just a thought. Sylvia
     
  11. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    #51 kennyuk, Feb 14, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2007
    I spoke to dad today, he's confused about everything that's going on, and now saying that a care home would be best. It's cruel to keep putting all this stress on him. Acording to the SW dad's fully aware of everything that's happening, I assume this is based on his 20 minute conversation.

    The assessment is now going on, the social worker is saying it's their decision alone if dad is offered a place in a care home, if they think he doesn't need it, then he won't get it. This is despite the doctors & nursing staff, agreeing with myself that he needs a care home.

    It's appauling to have to rely on these idiots.
     
  12. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    dear Kenny this is awful for you.....you had such a bad time in December and I find it totally unacceptable that you are expected to go through that again
    I really do hope it works out for the best .....It seems your dad is quite happy at the thought of being in permanent care.....I think you've got to be listened to.....you were in a terrible position in December......
    Love Wendy xx
     

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