I can never win.
It is beginning to get on top of me; the fact that I cannot keep in front of the never-ending cycle of things that must be done. I feel to be playing perpetual catch-up, as fast as I remove one thing from the workload another three seem to be put on. It is not the physical work, but the fact that I know things will not get better, only worse. Matters are made worse by the uncertainty of what will happen next, just when you think you are winning something unexpected occurs and you are back on the merry-go-round. Non of this is helped by Margaret’s fairly recent aggressive and abusive attitude; at the best nowadays she is unhelpful, at the worst unbelievable. All of which is entirely foreign to her former nature. I of course know that it is the disease and not Margaret, but it isn’t easy to be objective or to distance oneself, when in the effort of trying to get her ready to go out, or to go to bed she is being as difficult as anyone can be. It is beginning to affect our social life, (what little we have left) as she is now being very abrupt and graceless with other people. Although most of the people we mix with are aware of the problem they are finding it difficult to accept her behaviour. Even her sister gets upset and takes it personally despite my assurance that she is like that with everyone and can’t help it. I am hoping that it is just part of the downward cycle and that will eventually pass. On her last assessment she was down to 14, and I think that she realises that she is regressing and can’t do anything about it. So she takes it out on the world about her, which in the main is me, she does have rare moments when she must feel some remorse, as she will occasionally say thing like “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that”
I know I am moaning but there is no one else to moan to, apart from the support group once a month and even there your time is limited, as the rest of the group need their turn to get it off their chests.
I feel a little better having written all that down, hope I haven’t bored you all to tears.
All the best
barraf
It is beginning to get on top of me; the fact that I cannot keep in front of the never-ending cycle of things that must be done. I feel to be playing perpetual catch-up, as fast as I remove one thing from the workload another three seem to be put on. It is not the physical work, but the fact that I know things will not get better, only worse. Matters are made worse by the uncertainty of what will happen next, just when you think you are winning something unexpected occurs and you are back on the merry-go-round. Non of this is helped by Margaret’s fairly recent aggressive and abusive attitude; at the best nowadays she is unhelpful, at the worst unbelievable. All of which is entirely foreign to her former nature. I of course know that it is the disease and not Margaret, but it isn’t easy to be objective or to distance oneself, when in the effort of trying to get her ready to go out, or to go to bed she is being as difficult as anyone can be. It is beginning to affect our social life, (what little we have left) as she is now being very abrupt and graceless with other people. Although most of the people we mix with are aware of the problem they are finding it difficult to accept her behaviour. Even her sister gets upset and takes it personally despite my assurance that she is like that with everyone and can’t help it. I am hoping that it is just part of the downward cycle and that will eventually pass. On her last assessment she was down to 14, and I think that she realises that she is regressing and can’t do anything about it. So she takes it out on the world about her, which in the main is me, she does have rare moments when she must feel some remorse, as she will occasionally say thing like “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that”
I know I am moaning but there is no one else to moan to, apart from the support group once a month and even there your time is limited, as the rest of the group need their turn to get it off their chests.
I feel a little better having written all that down, hope I haven’t bored you all to tears.
All the best
barraf