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I can’t stop crying

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,817
@Pigletpostie I was the same when they took Pauline into the hospital and when I got back to our empty house and just lost it and cried for what seemed like hours and for days I felt like a broken man. As it happened she was discharged home yesterday as part of coronavirus control but seems so subdued now and its is so sad and I think she may be missing the hospital believe it or not.
Sadly you are possibly right. There is a safety factor and bustle we cannot provide at home. Sometimes when my husband was in hospital, his eyes would dart around watching the small dramas. Same now he is in prolonged respite.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,817
My emotions are very mixed at the moment, crying is part of this even when my logical side says I am crying for the moon.
Trouble is my husband is the moon, the stars, and the sun rolled into one to me.
Tears are good, one I read that the chemicals released in tears depended on the reason we cry. So it s an important part of us to be able to cry.
 

Diane33

New member
Mar 26, 2020
7
I am sitting here yet again in tears as I am self isolating here in our flat while my husband is lying in a hospital bed probably not knowing who he is or where he is! It shouldn’t be like this. I know there is nothing I can do and I know that I am not the only one but that doesn’t stop the pain and the tears. I just need a shoulder to cry on so I am using this forum instead as I know you will understand. The tears just won’t stop this morning.
This is so sad could you get a message to him somehow post a picture, card something that will trigger a memory. Just try and focus on some happy times if possible. Keep in touch with your friends and family members 👍🏻
 

MTM

Registered User
Jun 2, 2018
29
I completely understand. My Mum lives 150 miles away and has dementia. I’ve been visiting her every Wednesday. Now I can’t. She’s at the beginning and having already walked this path with Dad, I know that the next six months are the last, precious times I will spend with her while she is still my mum. I have to accept that by the time I see her again, her personality will almost certainly be changing, the lovely Wednesday visits we’ve been having, where I sit beside her and we watch telly and chat and make jokes ... I don’t know if I’ll have another of those, if she’ll hang on ...

Have a virtual hug from me. I sincerely hope it helps. xxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,414
Sadly you are possibly right. There is a safety factor and bustle we cannot provide at home. Sometimes when my husband was in hospital, his eyes would dart around watching the small dramas. Same now he is in prolonged respite.
Yes, I do believe the activity is stimulating. My husband used to tell me he was fantastically happy in the home. With love and thoughts, kindredx
 

Pigletpostie

New member
Mar 12, 2018
7
Thank you again for your kind words and for your virtual hugs. I think it’s the hugs that I am missing the most! Give us a hug was our stock phrase. Mostly it’s the not knowing.

In the 15 days Since he went into hospital he has been in three different wards sometimes just in a little room on his own and every time I ring up it’s a different nurse who answers the phone. They tell me he’s okay or he settled or he’s comfortable or he’s settled then they tell me that he is not eating or drinking properly he’s sleeping much of the time .

What am I to make of this? He is with people who don’t know him and he doesn’t know anybody. I keep wondering whether to send a photo of both of us but wonder whether that will make things worse because he might be quite happy just in his own little world and I don’t want to upset him. as long as he his happy I really don’t mind if he’s forgotten me. The thing that makes me cry the most is wondering what he is thinking when he wakes up in the morning. But I suppose I will never know.

it’s our diamond wedding anniversary in December. I keep wondering if we will ever get there. Even if I am only the kind lady who goes into the home and hold his hand it will be better than this present time when I am not even a part of his life. Oh dear here come the tears again. So sorry as I am sure there are others who feel just as bad if not worse than I do at present thank you for allowing me to unburden myself love and hugs to everyone
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,143
Kent
Dear @Pigletpostie

When those we love go into hospital or residential care, the separation is painful but eased slightly when we visit. Now there are no visits the pain will be unbearable.

It is out of my experience but I can only imagine how distressing this total separation must be for you. It`s relying on our imagination and we all know our imagination can play tricks.

I do hope your husband is happy in his own little world and you can hold on to that thought. Perhaps at this time, you are the one who is suffering and he is safe and warm and cared for. If he is sleeping he is peaceful.

Hopefully by December all this will be a painful memory and you will be able to celebrate your diamond wedding as you would wish.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
198
So hard for you @Pigletpostie. Thinking of you. 🤗
dont be frightened of the tears they are like a release valve as well dont bottle it up. its like a grieving process that happens right at the begining and right through for the loss of the person you used to know. ive cried many times because its scary not knowing and not in my control.ive lost some already and the support he used to give more
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,856
69
Dundee
dont be frightened of the tears they are like a release valve as well dont bottle it up. its like a grieving process that happens right at the begining and right through for the loss of the person you used to know. ive cried many times because its scary not knowing and not in my control.ive lost some already and the support he used to give more
Spot on. Almost 4 years since my husband died and I still cry more or less daily.
 

Absentia

New member
Mar 16, 2018
7
I am sitting here yet again in tears as I am self isolating here in our flat while my husband is lying in a hospital bed probably not knowing who he is or where he is! It shouldn’t be like this. I know there is nothing I can do and I know that I am not the only one but that doesn’t stop the pain and the tears. I just need a shoulder to cry on so I am using this forum instead as I know you will understand. The tears just won’t stop this morning.
 

Rencat

Registered User
Nov 15, 2018
12
My heart aches for both of you @Pigletpostie and @SewHappy. You are both in such a horrible predicament. I really don't know what I would have done if this had happened while my husband was alive - being able to see him daily when he was in hospital for months was what kept me going. Please continue to post, you will find a lot of support, understanding and shoulders to cry on here. We are here for you.
I too am in a helpless position, my partner went into respite seven weeks ago to give me time to refuel and put an advert together to get the help I so desperately need. She’s still there and I bet there’s not a cat in hells chance of anybody applying for the jobs we are advertising for with all this going on
 

Ernest

Registered User
Jan 23, 2018
99
Pigletpostie. It too am with you. My husband is in a CH. Before all this Covid-19 started, he was obsessed with when I was next going in. He'd insist on me writing it down . Now I can't and according to the care team he's ok. Is this a good thing ? I' m so relieved that he's not fretting but I do miss seeing him. I try to take comfort from the fact that he isn't worrying half as much as I am. Hopefully your husband is ok and even though its easy to say but not easy to do, don't worry!! Xx
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,961
south-east London
I too am in a helpless position, my partner went into respite seven weeks ago to give me time to refuel and put an advert together to get the help I so desperately need. She’s still there and I bet there’s not a cat in hells chance of anybody applying for the jobs we are advertising for with all this going on
I really feel for you @Rencat. These times and circumstances are completely beyond our control for now, and it isn't easy, not easy at all, for those separated from the people they love and care for and who have had their future plans scuppered. In time, things will gradually start to return to some kind of normality - but it is so hard and frustrating not knowing exactly when or what that will be. Keep posting, we are here to listen and support however we can.