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I can’t stop crying

Pigletpostie

New member
Mar 12, 2018
7
I am sitting here yet again in tears as I am self isolating here in our flat while my husband is lying in a hospital bed probably not knowing who he is or where he is! It shouldn’t be like this. I know there is nothing I can do and I know that I am not the only one but that doesn’t stop the pain and the tears. I just need a shoulder to cry on so I am using this forum instead as I know you will understand. The tears just won’t stop this morning.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,343
Kent
You can cry on my shoulder any time @Pigletpostie. I can`t imagine anything more worrying.

There are no words to console those of you who have dear ones either in care homes or hospitals and are unable to see them.

Let`s hope we can all see this terrible situation through.
 

SewHappy

Registered User
Feb 3, 2019
17
My heart is breaking too. Mum is in a care home but there's enough of her personality left for the visits to feel special. Visits generally fuelled by sharing tea and cake. I'm losing this precious time with mum and it hurts.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,976
south-east London
My heart aches for both of you @Pigletpostie and @SewHappy. You are both in such a horrible predicament. I really don't know what I would have done if this had happened while my husband was alive - being able to see him daily when he was in hospital for months was what kept me going. Please continue to post, you will find a lot of support, understanding and shoulders to cry on here. We are here for you.
 

vernon

Registered User
Jul 24, 2014
17
north west
I am sitting here yet again in tears as I am self isolating here in our flat while my husband is lying in a hospital bed probably not knowing who he is or where he is! It shouldn’t be like this. I know there is nothing I can do and I know that I am not the only one but that doesn’t stop the pain and the tears. I just need a shoulder to cry on so I am using this forum instead as I know you will understand. The tears just won’t stop this morning.
You are going through what I am dreading may happen to mine. Family worry about us with food, exercise etc BUT I worry about calling the paras.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
269
We all understand, we all have our own burdens to carry.
Weeping is good, get it out, Then stop.
You are not alone, turn on the television or the radio it’s full of people trying to keep us going.

You are both in safe places so keep eating and drinking, try a regular timetable so that you get a routine ,if you can walk then use your one outing a day wisely, get out in the fresh air if you can.
Try and stay strong it’s all we ask of you. We are fighting this the best way we can, staying at home
 

ebas

Registered User
Aug 8, 2019
81
My partner died nearly 2 weeks ago & at least I have the knowledge that I was with him a lot of the time.I am crying a lot of the time but part of me is glad it's over for him as he was able to squeeze my hand & know I was there.My heart goes out to you all
 

Pigletpostie

New member
Mar 12, 2018
7
Thank you so much for your kind words and offers of shoulders to cry on. Also reminder that I am not going through this alone. Early morning and last thing at night are the worst times for me. I am now feeling stronger and I know I will get through the day without too many tears. Your help and advice is just what I needed to hear. Sorry for being so self centred. We are all in this together.
We all understand, we all have our own burdens to carry.
Weeping is good, get it out, Then stop.
You are not alone, turn on the television or the radio it’s full of people trying to keep us going.

You are both in safe places so keep eating and drinking, try a regular timetable so that you get a routine ,if you can walk then use your one outing a day wisely, get out in the fresh air if you can.
Try and stay strong it’s all we ask of you. We are fighting this the best way we can, staying at home
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,343
Kent
. Early morning and last thing at night are the worst times for me.
They were for me too during my husband`s dementia.

Waking to face the day was tough and also bedtime alone was as tough too.

I still find bedtime hard. Possibly because being tired makes me more in tune with my emotions, I don`t know. Bedtime also brings back a memory which I think will stay with me forever.

My computer is in the bedroom. My husband was in bed while I was on Talking Point. At the same time we played music we both liked, often quite sentimental ballads to prepare us for sleep. It was one of the most companionable times we had with dementia and still affects me now.
 

SewHappy

Registered User
Feb 3, 2019
17
Thanks to all for your kind words and thoughts. I know I'm not alone but mother's day was so hard and just rubbed it in . I'm keeping busy with hobbies and looking out for a husband who's on the vulnerable list. Trying not to focus on what I can't do. I know mum is safe and well cared for and the home has a good rota of activities to keep mum's mind going. I can phone mum but it's hard to chat to her without crying.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
279
my husband is still living with me and we are really at the beginning but this covid-9 has sharpened the awareness of loss. i probably dont have a right to comment but i have worked in care home as well andthere has been organised activities or playing older music or sitting beside someone that doesnt interact. im probably saying all the wrong things but at least he is being cared for in hospital or care home. i cry and hes with me still functioning well but i have a responsibility to give asw much love and care that i can and its daunting and overwhelming
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
459
Pigletpostie, you can cry on my shoulder, I'll even give you a virtual hug. I haven't seen mum for nearly 3 weeks now as her home is on lockdown, and I'm wondering if she will remember us when we are allowed back.


Ebas, sorry for your loss

Anyone else need a hug, they're on their way to you, close your eyes and you will feel them
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,378
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
@Pigletpostie I was the same when they took Pauline into the hospital and when I got back to our empty house and just lost it and cried for what seemed like hours and for days I felt like a broken man. As it happened she was discharged home yesterday as part of coronavirus control but seems so subdued now and its is so sad and I think she may be missing the hospital believe it or not.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
120
Hi @Pigletpostie ,
I too am in tears today I haven't seen my dad since last Friday. I felt given the warnings about everyone not visiting their mum's on mother's Day it was appropriate to take that advice regarding my visits to dad too as dad is now 86yrs. My mum is no longer with us but I did take a lovely silk flower arrangement to her grave on Sunday.
I have called dad every day but today was especially hard as he sounded so 'with it' . We said we loved each other and I really miss him now although I didn't see him every single day but still a few afternoons a week. My partner was going to have to isolate as he has health issues and in his 70's and I was getting so worried I could catch the virus and take to dad or catch from dad should carers inadvertently take it into dads and give my partner it. I can still get dads shop and leave with carer at his door when necessary hopefully shopping will be easier now. I'm very fearful of what's going on I hope to be able to hug my dad again. My thoughts are with everyone hopefully we will all find the strength to get through this at least we can follow each others journey on here so not alone.
 

occupied99

Registered User
Jan 3, 2020
177
I've had a few tears tonight,I've been the one that holds the family together,looking after my mum and my son when he's here,he's 17 now and his mum has asked him to stay at hers so i'm unable to see him,it's for the best ,we have 8 carers entering the home every day so he's safer at is house.
My favourite carer has lost her main job in an office so selfishly I'm feeling lucky that she will be here more often next week as she will be available full time now,mum has 2 carers for each call and that young lady has been a rock for me over the last 3 years and helped me hold it together over some dark days
 

Pigletpostie

New member
Mar 12, 2018
7
I have just rung the hospital and the nurse tells me that my husband is not eating or drinking. He spends most of his time asleep and to my mind he seems to have given up. It is now 12 days since I last saw him and I don’t think he would remember me. He is on antibiotics for diarrhoea and I desperately want to go and visit him but in this current situation that is impossible. I asked the nurse if he was comfortable and she said she thinks so. I feel so helpless just sitting at the end of a telephone. There is a part of me which is saying please God take him home. I just can’t stop crying. When he recovers he will go straight into a care home so there is a chance I may never see him again. I know I’m not alone with these feelings and I send my love And hugs to all those who are in a similar situation to mine.
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
713
London
Pigletpostie, it is entirely understandable how you feel.
How sad for both of you- we all hope to be there for each other at these times when we really do need the tender caress and warm smile of those we love and trust.

These are worrying times for all concerned but at least your husband is in a safe place where he is monitored and you can phone to ask after him. My thoughts are with you more. Take care -there are lots of shoulders on here. X
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
558
Aw, these are really tough times, as if they weren't tough enough already. Thinking about you and hope you will be okay. Keep busy and keep your mind occupied but cry if you want to xxx
 

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