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I can’t go on...........

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by yak55, Apr 16, 2018 at 5:10 PM.

  1. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    ......forgive me mum I can’t go on
    I’ve tried my hardest, it can’t be done
    It breaks my heart
    It makes me sad
    But this evil illness has got too bad
    If only you could understand
    Instead I sit and hold your hand

    - ❤️ -
     
  2. elvismad

    elvismad Registered User

    Jan 8, 2012
    122
    Sending you the biggest hug. Evil evil illness!
     
  3. Carmar

    Carmar Registered User

    Feb 2, 2016
    860
    Female
    Hampshire
    @yak55, I know your Mum has not been long home from the previous care home stay, but perhaps it is time now to find somewhere else, that will be right for her. It is a devastating and heartbreaking decision to make, but your posts are sounding increasingly as though you have reached the end of your tether. We all have our point beyond which we can not go on, for so many different reasons. Sleep deprivation. Sheer exhaustion. Fear of what will happen next and whether we can deal with the continuing progression and downward spiral. We feel despair because we feel like we should be able to keep going for ever, whatever it takes, even if it kills us. We put so many massive and impossible expectations on ourselves, that no-one can live up to, least of all ourselves. We adjust, daily, to however the person we love is suffering. We try everything. Sometimes, in the end, we have to accept that no matter how much we love that person, we simply can not continue on alone any longer and their needs require more than one person can give to them at home. Sadly, there are so many of us on TP who have been where you are now. Your heart rending poem sounds like your decision has already been made and Yak, there is nothing to be forgiven for. We will all support you @yak55. xx
     
  4. DollyBird16

    DollyBird16 Registered User

    Sep 5, 2017
    1,036
    Female
    Greater London
    @yak55 massive hugs to you. X
     
  5. Elle3

    Elle3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2016
    174
    I ditto what Carmar said. Big hugs. Elle x
     
  6. Jessie107

    Jessie107 Registered User

    Aug 11, 2016
    55
    Brighton
    So heartbreaking reading your post yak 65.
    I too am so utterly sad that we couldn't look after our Mum too. This disgusting illness has overtaken our mother and we couldn't keep up with it's progression.
    My mum always said she didn't want to go in a home but we had no choice
    I feel upset that we had to do just that.
    I really struggle with it.
    I do feel for you xx
     
  7. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,430
    Maidstone.Kent
    Carmar's post sums up where many of us have been trying to look after our loved one at home as the stages become very difficult and those wretched feelings that go alongside especially having to make extremely tough decisions for our loved ones that we never imagined ever having to make. This illness is not a battle that can be won by a carer and one person cannot be all things to all people in all situations. A team is often needed for some as the illness and challenges worsen.
     
  8. father ted

    father ted Registered User

    Aug 16, 2010
    538
    London
    So sorry to hear that so soon after your Mum came back things have got bad again.

    I know from your previous posts you have done your utmost to care for your Mum and felt that only you can provide the care she needs because either the care provided elsewhere falls short of what you hoped it would be or because of your Mum's distress.
    As other posters have said there comes a time where you have to draw a line and say no more! You are punishing yourself daily for a situation over which you have no control. However hard it is for you, far better to get your Mum settled somewhere and your efforts can be put into supporting Mum there. Moving her back and forth will serve no one certainly not your Mum.
    Take care of yourself because at the moment you are just as vulnerable as your Mum and needing tlc.
     
  9. Trapisha

    Trapisha Registered User

    Nov 28, 2017
    116
    XXXXXXXX
     
  10. Hazara8

    Hazara8 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    132
    So brief and yet profoundly put ...
    Your poem echoes out across this
    community, in union with a multitude
    of compassionate and like-minded souls ...
     
  11. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  12. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    Thank you x
     
  13. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  14. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  15. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  16. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  17. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  18. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  19. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    403
    X
     
  20. dolly day dreamer

    dolly day dreamer New member

    Apr 7, 2018
    2
    I am so sorry to read this. I am new to this forum and have just had my MIL diagnosed. She lives with me. I feel selfish because I feel I cannot cope now let alone at the stage you are at. Sending big hugs
     

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