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I can’t believe this is happening

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
Following my previous post about mum being admitted for assessment then contracting coronavirus on the ward, well this afternoon she became quite poorly and was transferred A&E .
Half an hour ago I got a call from an A&E doctor to say she has a high temperature and very low oxygen levels and she wanted to discuss resuscitation.
I really can’t believe this is happening.
My poor mum.
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
547
Following my previous post about mum being admitted for assessment then contracting coronavirus on the ward, well this afternoon she became quite poorly and was transferred A&E .
Half an hour ago I got a call from an A&E doctor to say she has a high temperature and very low oxygen levels and she wanted to discuss resuscitation.
I really can’t believe this is happening.
My poor mum.
Distance or anonymity makes not a jot of difference to the empathetic accord which is conveyed directly to you from this forum. Such moments are challenging and so often overwhelming. But you are never alone whilst sincere understanding prevails. Be assured, it prevails in droves here.
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
Thank you everyone, I’m trying to keep my mind wandering, never thought I’d be one to post at such an awful time.
@Hazara8 sums up my feelings for you all xx
 

FamilyMisfortunes

New member
Nov 9, 2020
1
I’ve just joined the forum to reply to this it has made me so enraged. ( I’ve been reading and getting the best/only support in the world from this fantastic forum for years now) but... I think what they mean is “ discuss a do not resuscitate order” Cheek of them. Don’t let them. What way are they treating our old people!! ;) So keep her strong. And you ❤❤❤
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,945
Nottinghamshire
I’m sorry to read your news @Just me .

My dad had ready had a DNR done so when the doctor asked me I had to tell them about it. It saved me the pain of having to make the decision myself but DNR does not mean don’t treat it only means don’t try to restart the heart if it stops. I would’ve agreed anyway because chest compressions can leave the person bruised, with broken bones and in a lot of pain. Worth it for a younger person but, as my dad was 90 and in ill health before his crisis, I wouldn’t have wanted to put him through that.

I still remember that conversation - it’s not an easy one to have.
 

Buckeroo

Registered User
Apr 16, 2020
26
How very sad indeed. I am so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and especially your mother. Such a stressful and deeply emotional time. Remember (and hang on to) all the happier times. 😢
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
71
I’m sorry to read your news @Just me .

My dad had ready had a DNR done so when the doctor asked me I had to tell them about it. It saved me the pain of having to make the decision myself but DNR does not mean don’t treat it only means don’t try to restart the heart if it stops. I would’ve agreed anyway because chest compressions can leave the person bruised, with broken bones and in a lot of pain. Worth it for a younger person but, as my dad was 90 and in ill health before his crisis, I wouldn’t have wanted to put him through that.

I still remember that conversation - it’s not an easy one to have.
@Bunpoots is quite correct - a DNR does not mean the patient will not be treated. It is frequently not successful, even in younger patients (despite what the medical dramas show) and is a very aggressive form of treatment. Would you really want your sick. elderly loved one to effectively be involved in a car crash? We sometimes have to accept that just because something can be done, doesn't mean it should be.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,140
@Just me Dad had a DNR written up by his GP when he came out of hospital after a 3 week stay with pneumonia. I agreed 100 percent that it was the right thing for dad. I know it is an awful thing to talk about but the truth was that dad was an emaciated 89 year old with advanced dementia who had just recovered from pneumonia, a heart attack and a stroke, he also had terminal oesophageal cancer and any attempt to rescusitate him would have been dreadful for him.

DNR doesn't mean that the patient has been written off. Dad still had appropriate treatments and anything that was required to keep him comfortable and happy but if his heart had stopped then he would not have been bought back. He actually lived at home for another year before he died peacefully and I believe that we made the correct decision.

The doctors know what the outcome of resuscitation could mean for your mum and they would rather not put her through it but you never know, your mum may fight the covid and recover. It's amazing how some elderly people just manage to fight on like my dad did against all odds. Dogged determination is what kept him going I am sure of that.

Best wishes to you.
 

Maddiebd

Registered User
Oct 27, 2020
22
I’m sorry to read your news @Just me .

My dad had ready had a DNR done so when the doctor asked me I had to tell them about it. It saved me the pain of having to make the decision myself but DNR does not mean don’t treat it only means don’t try to restart the heart if it stops. I would’ve agreed anyway because chest compressions can leave the person bruised, with broken bones and in a lot of pain. Worth it for a younger person but, as my dad was 90 and in ill health before his crisis, I wouldn’t have wanted to put him through that.

I still remember that conversation - it’s not an easy one to have.
Yes. My mum, 92, put her DNR in place whilst she was still ok. She has COPD, emphysema and mobility issues and the dementia has now kicked in. I am glad we have not got that decision to make although I can imagine when the time comes it will be difficult for my brother and I.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,907
South coast
I think it is standard now to ask about DNR when anyone is admitted to hospital. When my OH was admitted for UTIs before the lockdown I was still asked about it. There was a very definite jolt of - OMG, have we reached that stage already?! - but I agreed because I know how brutal chest compressions are. It is not at all like you see on TV. Even though I agreed to a DNR, he was still treated with IV antibiotics and is now back at home.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
263
To add to some of the other posts my mum had a DNR done. Mum didn't have dementia but agreed to the DNR when she was admitted to hospital due to severe kidney issues and suspected liver cancer. My mum didn't discuss it with family and I only knew about it as I found the copy of the paperwork when I collected her from hospital. Mum's words to me were ' What's the point in bringing me back when I am like this'. My mum sadly passed away a few weeks later aged 81 years and she did indeed have liver cancer recorded on her certificate. I had asked the doctor at the hospital is my mum going to die of a cancer or kidney failure and all he would say was she was being treated at that time for the kidney problem as that was what she had been admitted for and all the treatment possible to improve things was given. So sorry to hear your mum is poorly I hope she will be feeling better very soon.
 

DaisyUnderTheSun

New member
Nov 8, 2020
9
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this @Just me. A phone call from an anonymous doctor isn't the way to have a conversation about DNRs, these are terrible times we're living in. I hope your mum pulls through and recovers well. We're all thinking of you and wishing you both the best, and I want you to know that nothing you're feeling right now is wrong or not good enough or strong enough, because what you're going through is just about as **** as it gets. Keep us updated if it helps!
 

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