1. Q&A: "Loneliness and isolation" - Tuesday 30 Oct, 2-3pm

    Are you experiencing loneliness and isolation? Do you care for someone with dementia or have dementia yourself? We are here to answer your questions on this emotive topic. Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Anne from our Helpline team. She will be answering your questions on Tuesday 30 October from 2-3pm. Want to ask questions in advance, or don’t think you can make it? You can either post questions here or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on Tuesday 30th of October from 2-3 pm.

    Pop by and post your questions now and we'll answer them on Tuesday.

I am worried about my inlaws

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by big blue, May 15, 2018.

  1. big blue

    big blue New member

    May 15, 2018
    My mother in law has vascular dementia . Her husband cares for her 24/7 and i believe it i really taking its toll on him. His brother died last week and the funeral is on Monday. It is a long way from home and will require a 5 hour journey in the car there and back.
    I wondered if anyone has any helpful hints how to deal with the long car journey,although sadly they may not go if she is unwilling which would be a real shame.
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Is there someone who could stay with her while he goes to the funeral? Because while I'm not sure if it's a total of 5 or 10 hours in the car, that I would say is too long of a journey and frankly, unfair to him.
  3. big blue

    big blue New member

    May 15, 2018
    Unfortunately he refuses to let someone in to look after her as he "doesn't want to inflict her on a carer", he just can't bring himself to get some respite as he wouldn't know what to do with himself without her even when she is no longer the person she once was,being deaf and unwilling to put her hearing aids in is also an issue.
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @big blue
    I don't have a solution to your question; just wanted to say welcome to TP
    it's tricky when you know a couple really do need some support but the carer is reluctant to accept any
    I don't suppose it would help to explain that a home carer or befriender/sitter won't see that anything is being inflicted on them, they are there to help
    If he really does want to make the journey, might a large taxi be used so there's a driver to release your fil to concentrate on his wife's needs, and space to be more comfortable - though, I too think such a long journey is probably not wise, added to that the actual funeral itself may be challenging
    I am guessing the you wish to attend the funeral, or would you be able to stay with your mil, if your fil will accept that
    sorry not to be of any real help
    but now you've found this helpful community, do post again

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