I am tired

[Puppylove]

Hi I am tired ......of:
Having to constantly be aware and thinking of my MiL
Her not being able to find her chair ( which is right in front of her) so that I having just sat down I need to get up and show her.
Having to change her bedding most days as no matter what I do to protect it she still manages to get everything wet...or worse.
Wiping her backside!!
Cleaning the toilet at least twice a day if she goes in there and I don’t notice
The piles of washing she creates
Having to watch her at every meal or she will stop eating and get up
Watching her pick food out her teeth
No daycare centres being open
Her saying ‘sorry I didn’t know/realise when she has been told possibly hundreds of times before
Having to verbally direct her for everything
Her regularly taking her clothes off and me having to put them back on as she can’t
Being the bad guy all the time even though I do everything for her (my hubby and the carer are amazing apparently)
Having to watch her whilst out and about or she disappears
Not even being able to leave her in the car now even for ten minutes as she will get out and wander off.
Her constantly scratching her forehead
Her constantly saying okay, okay okay or yes, yes,
Things being picked up and moved
I am just TIRED ?
I know lots of people have it much worse than I do but having just cleaned up the bathroom once again as she put the lid down on the toilet and then sat and wee’d. Resulting in a change of clothes, floor washing and toilet cleaning I just needed to write this.
I am aware there is no solution and she can’t help it and I am happy to carry on it just gets a bit much sometimes doesn’t it.

 

[Duggies-girl]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))0) @Puppylove

 

[Puppylove]

Thank you x

 

[Starting on a journey]

I’m feeling a bit rough too, stress rather than tired. I understand and hope that you both have a good day tomorrow

 

[Sarasa]

This is a great place to let of steam @Puppylove. I too hope tomorrow is a better day. Do you get a chance to have some time for yourself when your husband and the carer can take over? If not try and carve out some time to do exactly what you want to do.

 

[Woo2]

I could of wrote that @Puppylove , know the feeling , nothing much that can be done but it’s helpful sometimes to just get it out . I scrubbed bathroom floor today on hands and knees with cleaner and bleach , lovely and clean for about .....5 minutes ! I hope this evening is a little easier or that you can get 5 minutes away, I hide in the garage for a couple of minutes and curse to myself .

 

[Puppylove]

I’m feeling a bit rough too, stress rather than tired. I understand and hope that you both have a good day tomorrow

Thanks it really helps that people on here can understand. I hope you feel better soon and less stressed

 

[Puppylove]

This is a great place to let of steam @Puppylove. I too hope tomorrow is a better day. Do you get a chance to have some time for yourself when your husband and the carer can take over? If not try and carve out some time to do exactly what you want to do.

Thank you, the carer comes in for a couple of hours Mon-Thurs so I can get the dog out for a walk. I get to meet up with friends that way too. So I am thankful for that but when I am home I am looking after her. I still do all MIL’s personal care. My hubby is great but again can’t do her personal care but he takes her out and will do quite a lot at weekends. He works long hours in the week. It’s hard when as a couple we can’t even get out to walk the dog together!!

 

[Puppylove]

I could of wrote that @Puppylove , know the feeling , nothing much that can be done but it’s helpful sometimes to just get it out . I scrubbed bathroom floor today on hands and knees with cleaner and bleach , lovely and clean for about .....5 minutes ! I hope this evening is a little easier or that you can get 5 minutes away, I hide in the garage for a couple of minutes and curse to myself .

Thank you it really is helpful to just put it out there. It’s so soul destroying isn’t it when you clean something only for it to be messed up ☹️ It happens all the time to me with fresh bedding. My time out with the dog is my saving grace. At least she understands my instructions ?

 

[Woo2]

Yes me too ,don’t get out as often as I would like , it it’s bliss to think of nothing !

 

[MartinWL]

Is there scope to increase the hours of the carer? It sounds as if you're coping with an unbearable workload.

 

[None the Wiser]

So glad you posted @Puppylove. I came on here this morning feeling very sorry for myself as I’ve had two nights with no sleep., as my husband is hallucinating and wandering. Your list of things that are making you tired mirrors mine. For some reason it’s good to know that others are facing the same challenges, though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Some days I feel stronger and more able and willing to cope than others.
I hope you manage to get some time for yourself with all the family commitments in addition to your MiL. You'll be in my thoughts as I try my best to remain calm and kind, when I really want to scream and lash out! ?

 

[Angtrog]

So glad you posted @Puppylove. I came on here this morning feeling very sorry for myself as I’ve had two nights with no sleep., as my husband is hallucinating and wandering. Your list of things that are making you tired mirrors mine. For some reason it’s good to know that others are facing the same challenges, though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Some days I feel stronger and more able and willing to cope than others.
I hope you manage to get some time for yourself with all the family commitments in addition to your MiL. You'll be in my thoughts as I try my best to remain calm and kind, when I really want to scream and lash out! ?

Yes Im the same really tired went to bed at 8.30 pm OH was in bed for 7.30 pm had a really good 3 hrs sleep and then he starts hallucinating wanting to get up every other hr not getting quality sleep feel like I have been to sleep on a washing line this smorning.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@Puppylove you really have an overload of things. I was wondering - would it make any sense to remove the toilet lid entirely? That would at least hopefully remove one item of aggravation.

 

[Puppylove]

Is there scope to increase the hours of the carer? It sounds as if you're coping with an unbearable workload.

Probably not at the moment, and to be fair being at home all the time means I am able to do the bits. I think it just gets a bit much sometimes when you put it all together. Going into tier 3 is not helping either!!

 

[Puppylove]

@Puppylove you really have an overload of things. I was wondering - would it make any sense to remove the toilet lid entirely? That would at least hopefully remove one item of aggravation.

That might actually be an idea thanks. We do tend to leave it up but maybe we need to change that now.

 

[Puppylove]

So glad you posted @Puppylove. I came on here this morning feeling very sorry for myself as I’ve had two nights with no sleep., as my husband is hallucinating and wandering. Your list of things that are making you tired mirrors mine. For some reason it’s good to know that others are facing the same challenges, though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Some days I feel stronger and more able and willing to cope than others.
I hope you manage to get some time for yourself with all the family commitments in addition to your MiL. You'll be in my thoughts as I try my best to remain calm and kind, when I really want to scream and lash out! ?

Hi, not having sleep is the worst in my book, so I really feel for you. Thankfully apart from getting up 2 or 3 times after being put to bed and before we go to bed my MIL is sleeping through the night.
I am finding it harder and harder to feel like I am being kind and I find myself telling her what a nuisance she is being which makes me feel horrible and changes nothing in her behaviour anyway!!
it definitely helps to know we all seem to be in the same boat and have similar challenges.

 

[canary]

being at home all the time means I am able to do the bits. I think it just gets a bit much sometimes when you put it all together.

I understand this entirely. It somehow seems wrong to get someone else to do the things that are not difficult, only take two minutes etc etc and we feel that if only we were better organised it would all be hunky dory. The trouble is, as you so rightly say, that it all adds up and its like trying to squeeze a quart into a pint pot. I have found that increasing the carers hours makes a huge difference as it gives me time to get more done.

 

[Puppylove]

I understand this entirely. It somehow seems wrong to get someone else to do the things that are not difficult, only take two minutes etc etc and we feel that if only we were better organised it would all be hunky dory. The trouble is, as you so rightly say, that it all adds up and its like trying to squeeze a quart into a pint pot. I have found that increasing the carers hours makes a huge difference as it gives me time to get more done.

Thank you, your reply makes a lot of sense. Definitely something worth thinking about.

 

[MarleysMum]

Of course you’re tired, and fed up. Its bloody hard work no matter how much you love someone. I would also suggest more carers in the day, just because you’re at home it doesn’t mean you have to do it all- however I don’t know your situation so it might well be that this isn’t an option