I am tired, miserable, and feeling tied down and locked up,

[katydid]

Myhusband of nearly 50 years. Had his first stroke about 18 months ago. The MRI and X-rays. Gave us the staggering information that he was in the middle stages of Vascular Dementia.
Always a naturally quiet man, cricket on the telly better than at,the ground etc., never adventurous he had been quieter in the previous few years, I, always up for anything, and just retired hoping for holidays and freedom etc.,we are a non matching pair, but still i was shocked to find out this diagnosis.
His condition has deteriorated fast over the last year and he has had another stroke.
He has lost a great deal,of language, both speaking and listening and understanding. This makes communication very difficult
He has also lost almost all his mobility.
This condition is made worse by lack of ability to,process information, say “turn left”, he looks, guesses, and turns right.
This is terribly hard to deal with, and worse is the,slow shuffling gait, he uses, forgetting all about his right leg following the stroke.
I am tired, miserable, and feeling tied down and locked up, just at a time I was looking forward to
Having been a nurse all my life, I don’t feel that I have retired at all! At least when working we staff could “share” frustrating patients, but now it’s all me
So after that rant I guess you can tell how I am feeling, resentful, unhappy, and with a person whom I have always had a tremendous time with, a husband with whom a share brilliant memories, the father of my sons, whom he does not know any more.this disease is cruel

 

[AliceA]

There are fellows on the Longing to be free thread. Perhaps join in, you will find one said she was so tired of caring even a plant was a no no.
I think many share that. X

 

[Bunpoots]

I’ve been looking after my dad (now in a carehome after a devastating stroke in summer) with vascular dementia and I completely understand your feelings. Even though I didn’t live with dad I felt, still feel, that my life is being sacrificed for his!

A couple of years ago it wasn’t too bad. We could go out for lunch and have a conversation of sorts - all of that is gone now...

 

[Duggies-girl]

Yes it was me that said I was so fed up with this that I never want to care for anyone again, not even an animal or a pot plant.

There is so little reward with dementia, dad won't improve , there is no real appreciation , he doesn't know what I do for him, he forgets. it just goes on and on. I manage because I know it will end sometime but if there was not an end in sight then dad would go into a care home asap. I am tired and trapped by it all and recently it has made me ill.

I have slowed right down now and given up all escape plans for the moment. We take on too much and are left to get on with it and it is not fair.

Dad has cancer and I can deal with that. I know what it is and how it works although I don't know how long it will take. I can make things nice for dad as long as possible but the dementia is a whole different ball game. It sneaks up sucks them in without them even knowing and you can't fight it. It's a nasty horrible disease that takes away the person we love and replaces them with someone else. I hate it.

 

[Grahamstown]

Myhusband of nearly 50 years. Had his first stroke about 18 months ago. The MRI and X-rays. Gave us the staggering information that he was in the middle stages of Vascular Dementia.
Always a naturally quiet man, cricket on the telly better than at,the ground etc., never adventurous he had been quieter in the previous few years, I, always up for anything, and just retired hoping for holidays and freedom etc.,we are a non matching pair, but still i was shocked to find out this diagnosis.
His condition has deteriorated fast over the last year and he has had another stroke.
He has lost a great deal,of language, both speaking and listening and understanding. This makes communication very difficult
He has also lost almost all his mobility.
This condition is made worse by lack of ability to,process information, say “turn left”, he looks, guesses, and turns right.
This is terribly hard to deal with, and worse is the,slow shuffling gait, he uses, forgetting all about his right leg following the stroke.
I am tired, miserable, and feeling tied down and locked up, just at a time I was looking forward to
Having been a nurse all my life, I don’t feel that I have retired at all! At least when working we staff could “share” frustrating patients, but now it’s all me
So after that rant I guess you can tell how I am feeling, resentful, unhappy, and with a person whom I have always had a tremendous time with, a husband with whom a share brilliant memories, the father of my sons, whom he does not know any more.this disease is cruel

My thoughts are with you because I too have a similar situation although my husband suffers from Alzheimer’s. We are in a bad situation with no prospect of escape and have to work out strategies to keep well mentally ourselves. Every day I try and sometimes I succeed and other times I fail.

 

[shewhodares]

Myhusband of nearly 50 years. Had his first stroke about 18 months ago. The MRI and X-rays. Gave us the staggering information that he was in the middle stages of Vascular Dementia.
Always a naturally quiet man, cricket on the telly better than at,the ground etc., never adventurous he had been quieter in the previous few years, I, always up for anything, and just retired hoping for holidays and freedom etc.,we are a non matching pair, but still i was shocked to find out this diagnosis.
His condition has deteriorated fast over the last year and he has had another stroke.
He has lost a great deal,of language, both speaking and listening and understanding. This makes communication very difficult
He has also lost almost all his mobility.
This condition is made worse by lack of ability to,process information, say “turn left”, he looks, guesses, and turns right.
This is terribly hard to deal with, and worse is the,slow shuffling gait, he uses, forgetting all about his right leg following the stroke.
I am tired, miserable, and feeling tied down and locked up, just at a time I was looking forward to
Having been a nurse all my life, I don’t feel that I have retired at all! At least when working we staff could “share” frustrating patients, but now it’s all me
So after that rant I guess you can tell how I am feeling, resentful, unhappy, and with a person whom I have always had a tremendous time with, a husband with whom a share brilliant memories, the father of my sons, whom he does not know any more.this disease is cruel

 

[shewhodares]

You have my sympathy Katydid. I feel very much the same, I am now tied to a home I hate and a husband who is no longer able to go out alone. We had plans to sell up and travel when the children and grandchildren needed us less. Now he needs me as much as they ever did! How do you cope? Have you and close friends or relatives who could allow you to have a break or holidsy. i do hope you can find some comfort in the fact that we are all struggling together .