Hello Everyone! I am new here, and I am caring for my mother who is 85. At first I only noticed she was becoming very forgetful, so I put it down to her age, and never thought any more about it. However, then she began (tidying up), a lot of my father's belongings, which then she denies and will get into a screaming when he asks her where she put them. He has Parkinson's and not fit to look for his things that have gone AWOL. I looked for them for my Dad, to no avail. He did not pursue the matter, as my Mum's moods and screaming matches are too much for him.
Then it was all MY expensive catering, cooking, baking utensils, and cake decoration tools, that Mum put into one BIG bag (to get them out of her way as they messed up her kitchen) Okay, that was fair enough. As long as I had them, I didn't mind where they were kept.
Now I have cake orders (2020 to do), so I asked where the bag with all my cake decoration tools was (it was not where she put it before) Mum then denied ever touching them. She went into a mood, and it was scary, especially when she yelled at me. I have now had to buy all the expensive baking and cake decoration tools again, and it's money I can hardly afford, but is essential for me. I am heart broken. I just went up to my room and cried, until I could cry no more.
Since then my Mum has moved (lost) many things belonging to my father and I to which she denies even touching them. She gets into these excessive cleaning moods, which are far worse than before (she was always a cleaning something). Only this time things go missing, even important letters and documents vanish from where my dad and I had them kept, then Mum denies ever moving them, and goes into a horrible mood
I am 50 myself, and an only child, but I moved back home to help care for my Dad, however, now I want out, and have my own flat again. BUT my Mum won't allow me to, and whenever I mention it, I get a tirade of guilt trip abuse, moods, the silent treatment, and screaming matches. Now I have just resigned myself to the fact that I will never have my own place again, until my parents have died. I am very sick myself, and don't have the strength to fight my Mum any more.
My Mum's Father's (my Grandfather) dementia started the same way, and she told me she KNOWS she has it too, however, she flat-out refuses to voice her concerns to her GP or seek any kind of diagnoses, so my Father and I are struggling to cope. Also she refuses to get a hearing aid, as she is deaf too. According to Mum, if she doesn't get a diagnosis for early onset dementia, and doesn't get a hearing test - it means there's nothing wrong with her. I have begged her to go to her GP, as my father and I are suffering - but she refuses to go and there's nothing we can do about it.
My Mum now buys things, and denies she bought them, and blames my Dad and I. Again there's her moods, the yelling, inane singing and silent treatment. You can't hold a conversation with her, as sometimes she does not communicate. If you tell her something, she will deny that you did, so you end up having to repeat it many times over.
I am at my wits end, and actually looking forward to going into hospital for my Enterocutaneous fistula repair, removal of half my bowel, and incisional hernia repaired, all in one huge operation. Afterwards, I am going to be on a ventilator in the ICU to allow my whole body to rest. Then I will be in the HDU, then finally into a normal ward. My surgeon says that I may not make it, or I will have a permanent colostomy. Who in their right mind would look forward to that? But that is how drained and tired I am with Mum.
I worry about my Dad when I finally go into hospital, and how he is going to cope with my Mum, when I am not there. Right now my Dad and I are a support network for each other, especially after her moods, denials, yelling and screaming, as recently she is forgetting how the washing machine works, and the other day the house filled with gas, nearly killing my Dad and I, after Mum left an unlit gas ring on. A blessing none of us smoke, or the house could have been blown away. Dad and I are at the end of our rope.
Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Is this normal for dementia? I don't know as Mum flat-out refuses to go to her GP for tests and possible medication that could help her - and us. Sorry about the long spiel, but it's actually good to get it out.
Kate (UK)
Then it was all MY expensive catering, cooking, baking utensils, and cake decoration tools, that Mum put into one BIG bag (to get them out of her way as they messed up her kitchen) Okay, that was fair enough. As long as I had them, I didn't mind where they were kept.
Now I have cake orders (2020 to do), so I asked where the bag with all my cake decoration tools was (it was not where she put it before) Mum then denied ever touching them. She went into a mood, and it was scary, especially when she yelled at me. I have now had to buy all the expensive baking and cake decoration tools again, and it's money I can hardly afford, but is essential for me. I am heart broken. I just went up to my room and cried, until I could cry no more.
Since then my Mum has moved (lost) many things belonging to my father and I to which she denies even touching them. She gets into these excessive cleaning moods, which are far worse than before (she was always a cleaning something). Only this time things go missing, even important letters and documents vanish from where my dad and I had them kept, then Mum denies ever moving them, and goes into a horrible mood
I am 50 myself, and an only child, but I moved back home to help care for my Dad, however, now I want out, and have my own flat again. BUT my Mum won't allow me to, and whenever I mention it, I get a tirade of guilt trip abuse, moods, the silent treatment, and screaming matches. Now I have just resigned myself to the fact that I will never have my own place again, until my parents have died. I am very sick myself, and don't have the strength to fight my Mum any more.
My Mum's Father's (my Grandfather) dementia started the same way, and she told me she KNOWS she has it too, however, she flat-out refuses to voice her concerns to her GP or seek any kind of diagnoses, so my Father and I are struggling to cope. Also she refuses to get a hearing aid, as she is deaf too. According to Mum, if she doesn't get a diagnosis for early onset dementia, and doesn't get a hearing test - it means there's nothing wrong with her. I have begged her to go to her GP, as my father and I are suffering - but she refuses to go and there's nothing we can do about it.
My Mum now buys things, and denies she bought them, and blames my Dad and I. Again there's her moods, the yelling, inane singing and silent treatment. You can't hold a conversation with her, as sometimes she does not communicate. If you tell her something, she will deny that you did, so you end up having to repeat it many times over.
I am at my wits end, and actually looking forward to going into hospital for my Enterocutaneous fistula repair, removal of half my bowel, and incisional hernia repaired, all in one huge operation. Afterwards, I am going to be on a ventilator in the ICU to allow my whole body to rest. Then I will be in the HDU, then finally into a normal ward. My surgeon says that I may not make it, or I will have a permanent colostomy. Who in their right mind would look forward to that? But that is how drained and tired I am with Mum.
I worry about my Dad when I finally go into hospital, and how he is going to cope with my Mum, when I am not there. Right now my Dad and I are a support network for each other, especially after her moods, denials, yelling and screaming, as recently she is forgetting how the washing machine works, and the other day the house filled with gas, nearly killing my Dad and I, after Mum left an unlit gas ring on. A blessing none of us smoke, or the house could have been blown away. Dad and I are at the end of our rope.
Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Is this normal for dementia? I don't know as Mum flat-out refuses to go to her GP for tests and possible medication that could help her - and us. Sorry about the long spiel, but it's actually good to get it out.
Kate (UK)
