I am stuck

[twinklestar]

As always with the good folks of Talking Point I feel sure that someone will understand what I am about to say.

It is 18 months since our wonderful mum passed away. I miss her everyday and I am sure I always will. I am not sad. I think about her everyday and I smile. I feel sure that is what she would want.

In many practical ways it is time to move on but I feel stuck. Since mum died there have been so many changes at work and I know there are going to be more. The other change is that I am not longer with the boyfriend who helped me through mum's illness and passing. He has moved on and has a new partner.

Everywhere I turn I feel there is uncertainty. Advice please.

 

[LadyA]

@twinklestar
It sounds like you have had quite a lot to deal with since/including your mum's death. It would be great if life stopped throwing curve-balls at us while we're grieving, so that we could focus, but I don't think that's going to happen! Eighteen months isn't very long, when your mum has been there your whole life, after all.

Have you thought about having a few sessions with a Counsellor, who could help you to work your way through this sticky patch, and to start looking forward again?

 

[margherita]

Your mum's death seems to have been a watershed in your life.
Would it be possible to change the adjective "uncertain" for "new"?

 

[twinklestar]

Hi @twinklestar. I know that scary feeling of uncertainty well, for many reasons. It's like standing on shifting sand! I can not advise you in your work situation as only you can decide what you want to do about your job and whether it fulfills you in any way, but I can say this. Sometimes change really is good even if it feels bad and terrifying at the time. Sometimes the most wonderful things do occasionally come out of the worst of times even when those worst of times are forced on you. You may be thinking that this is all cliches but the words are true and I speak from personal experience. You have had a lot of major change in your life with the loss of your Mum and your partner. I am not talking about dementia here or caring or even bereavement, but other life changes that happen and send us shooting off in a different direction and seem scary at the time, just because they are a different direction and the outcome is not predictable. When I have felt fearful of the future in my life I always quote this at myself (can't remember who originally wrote it, but it's always helped me!):-
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got."
I guess it only applies if you are unhappy with what you have and not if everything is hunky dory but then I suspect the reason you have posted is because everything is not as you would wish. You've been through a lot of painful changes and loss. Maybe now, it's time for some good changes that you choose for yourself? End of pep talk!!!

Thank you so much for your reply.

The reason I posted this thread is that my friends on Talking Point have been there, seen it and done it. Having been a carer for someone you love who has dementia is hard. When they are no longer with it is still hard, at least for a while. Being in that hard place does not mean that you are not going to be exposed to the other difficulties that life throws at you and I have had a few in the last 18 months.

I have had some time away from work this week and clarified my thoughts on that particular issue. Now comes the hard work - the doing not just saying. As far as my ex-partner is concerned that is also sorted - I have made peace with myself and have moved on.

It is time to devote time to myself, to be a bit selfish. Sometimes to move you don't necessarily have to do, you just have to be. To find some calm and peace.

 

[twinklestar]

Your mum's death seems to have been a watershed in your life.
Would it be possible to change the adjective "uncertain" for "new"?

Thanks for your reply. I like your style - new it is.